Practice Gratitude With Malya; 18th Edition

Today is Rosh Chodesh Iyar. This is my 18th gratitude newsletter, and after practicing gratitude for a year and a half, I came to realize that I’ve been practicing gratitude wrong this whole time..

What do I mean? 

Every time I published a new gratitude newsletter on my platform, I encouraged you to thank Hashem for the things he gave and continues to give you. 

For example, I thought the essence of practicing gratitude was to thank Hashem for your healthy body, shelter, parnassah, friends, and more in order to gain true happiness, but I was wrong all along. And I was wrong about what true happiness meant. 

This past week, Hashem finally blessed me with internalizing the proper understanding of how to truly practice gratitude and what the true meaning of happiness is. This understanding has transformed me and the way I look at life, and I hope it makes an impact on yours. 

What I found out shocked me!

I never knew that I was able to thank Hashem for my pain.

I never knew that I was able to thank Hashem for what he has not yet given me. I met my mentor back in 2021. For the past 3 years she has been teaching me about this topic about ‘thanking Hashem for the hidden good.’ I kept trying and trying, but for some reason I never seemed to fully understand and internalize this concept. 

The way I would practice gratitude for the past 18 months was, I would wake up, thank Hashem for 5 things in my life, and go on with my day. When I would daven, though, I would still beg Hashem to send me the things that I was waiting for and when I wouldn’t receive them, I thought I was not listened to. It was a cycle that kept going… 

But now that cycle has been broken. 

The cycle broke because I finally internalized this idea through listening to a Gedale Fenster episode. In his podcast he said THANK HASHEM FOR YOUR PAIN. I could not fathom what he was saying right away, so I kept listening.

He gave the example of a single looking for their shidduch. He said thank Hashem that you’re not married right now because that is Hashem’s will, and if it is Hashem’s will, that means that it is good for you. The way to thank Hashem is to thank Him for doing what is right for you. I felt as if Hashem was speaking directly to me and giving me a direct sign. Even though I so badly want to find my person, if it is not Hashem's will for me to find him right now, then it must clearly be good for me that I am still single. 

By thanking Hashem for my pain, it has changed my entire perspective on pain. It still hurts, but there is now a purpose for it. As hard as it is to write because so many of us have such difficult challenges, the pain is not there to hurt you, it is there for you.

Throughout this past week I kept hearing the same message, to thank Hashem for your pain.  

I called my sister-in-law this week and she said,

“Malya before a neshama comes down to the world, it looks through the entire life of many bodies. It sees the challenges, the good, and the pain and it specifically chooses the body that it wants and feels would be best for it. It also has to sign a contract before coming down that it chooses that body. So when you are hit with a challenge, know that your neshama saw it and still chose your body and that whatever you are going through is good for you.” 

She gave me a lot of chizzuk, and I just knew I had to share it with you.  

When we bring Hashem into our lives and allow Him to lead us in our lives, our lives will become so much calmer.

Does the pain fully go away?

No, but it gives you a better perspective knowing that it is what is best for you, and it pulls you out of a victimhood feeling. You still have pain, but you can go on with your day; you are no longer sitting in sadness because you are now living in the present knowing that it is best for you. 

Over the past week I have been focusing on not crying to Hashem in pain, but rather thanking Hashem for being where I am because I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Remember that Hashem is not doing things to you, He is doing things for you! I have so much Hakaras Hatov to Hashem for giving me clarity on this topic exactly when I was ready to internalize it. 

Have you ever woken up and said, “Ughh I hate life, I just want to go back to sleep?” and on other days have you woken up and said, “I love life, I am so grateful to have another day.”

These two very different words can have an extremely different outcome for your day. When you start off your day in a positive way, you have so much more energy to tackle your tasks and have a successful day. But, if we wake up and say we hate the world, you will end up having a depressing day.

Hashem created a system where we start our day on a positive note. Have you ever wondered why we say Modeh Ani? When you do that, you tackle your day in an easier way. If something frustrating comes up, you don’t go into a victim mode, but rather you go into a solution mode. 

The next time you say Modeh Ani, try to internalize the gratitude aspect! Even if you don’t feel that way, just catch yourself and switch the word I hate my life to I am grateful for my life! It may take time, but after a couple of months, you will be a changed person. 

So what is true happiness?

True happiness is not being bubbly and laughing all the time, it is being content and happy where you are in the moment. Your pain does not go away and I do not wish pain on anyone, but it is having the faith that you are where you are meant to be in this exact moment. This takes constant work. Don’t think it will happen overnight and don’t think that the moment you have it you will stop working on faith. It’s a lifetime of work. 

“Faith combined with gratitude is the recipe for happiness.” - Malya Feivelson

We are blessed every month with a new energy that comes down to this earth. This month is special to me because it is part of my nature. I was born during this month.

You know what everyone says about a Taurus?

They say they are stubborn. If you use stubbornness in a good way, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. If I was not  stubborn, I probably would have quit this newsletter after the first month due to the amount of effort and work it entails, but here I am 18 months later!  

My birthday is actually tonight, which is the second day of Iyar. Happy birthday to myself:)

I love talking about Iyar because it is special in so many ways. First of all, I always find that I am so driven during the year and specifically around this time I start working on myself and my middos even more. I found out that it is because this time of year is the month of inner work! Not only is it a month of inner work, but it is also a month of healing. It is a month of working on our relationships, and it is a month of growth. 

I want to thank Hashem for creating us with a mindset. I know you have heard this before, but having the proper mindset really affects you. This did not come overnight for me; I have done lots of work on myself and I still have a hard time with keeping the proper mindset. We are human. But, try. Put in the effort and remember that thanking Hashem for your troubles changes your mindset and helps you tremendously! 

Last year when it rained in Iyar, I made sure to go outside and drink some of it because the rain itself is healing! Keep that in mind. Drink the rain that comes down in Iyar. I encourage you to look at the days of sefira and see what each day means. My birthday is on the 17th day of the omer each year. That day is tiferet shebi’tiferet. I am researching and looking into what this day means so that I can work on myself properly. 

I encourage you to say more thank yous in this month than I’m sorrys. I personally want to thank Hashem for finally giving me the proper understanding so that I can better improve my life and hopefully yours too! 

Have a guten chodesh and please reach out to me if you have any questions regarding gratitude or this article. You can email me at Malya@themalyacam.com