A Quest for Fewer Regrets

Whatever you do, wherever you go

Don’t lose your grip on life, and that means

Don’t let any earthly calamity knock your dreamer and your hoping machine

Out of order

From the song ’Hoping Machine’

Words by Woody Guthrie, Music by Jay Farrar

I have never understood the expression ‘No regrets,’ or where people come from when they utter those words. I appreciate the optimism, yet I wonder how that can be.

I have many regrets; for risks or actions not taken, for not speaking up or taking a stand, and for opportunities squandered - the list goes on.

Regrets feel lousy, challenge your positive self-regard, and indicate that you have ventured off course and out of alignment with what you hold most meaningful.

Yet we all have regrets unless we are psychopathic.

Unable to merely will them away, I still want less of them. I bet you do too.

Hope helps; it inspires us to look forward aspirationally, while regret induces us to look backward with remorse. Remembering that hope involves more than merely wishing things to be better is vital.

Hope is an active verb necessitating the persistent return to a state of trust and positive expectation, even if your present situation offers no reason to do so. As a result of your brain’s predisposition to finding danger, it does not magically appear on its own. However, hope is not a plan in itself; you need to strengthen and support it intentionally.

So how do you set about living a life with more hope and fewer regrets? What do you need to nurture? What do you need to relinquish? How can you better learn to live with the remorse you have?

The pathway to living a life, managing a team, or leading a company with fewer regrets begins with centering around core values and purpose - naming and claiming them. Doing so has an outsized influence on your alignment with what you consider significant.

Once identified, you must align your decisions and actions with them. Because every time you disregard your values or forsake your chosen cause, you move away from hope and towards remorse.

By failing to take the time to ascertain what matters most, you unwittingly draw regrets to you like a moth to a flame, and regrets displace hope. While you can never change your past, you can always alter your relationship with it.

When you make mistakes, things do not go as planned, and you experience failure, you can feel confident that you acted in harmony with what you value most, which is no small thing.

When you act from your shadow side, out of integrity with your highest self – and you will from time to time – you can take responsibility for your actions, own your imperfections, and avail yourself of the forgiveness of others and unearned grace.

Living and leading with fewer regrets is an iterative process filled with turns and twists, some of which will be unexpected. I encourage you to consciously engage in how you show up in life and for whom.

Keep navigating the path of what matters most to you, and practice self-compassion when you veer off course. Nothing is more worthwhile.

 Worthy Inquiries:

1.    What keeps you from getting clear about what you value most and the primary purpose you are willing to commit to? How would doing so change how and where you channel your energies and focus?

2.     How can you determine and assemble the required resources to pursue and fulfill your principal aspiration? What would enable you to ask for the help you need and enlist others to support your mission?

3.    What do you need to let go of doing what you are supposed to do and replace it with what you feel compelled to do? How can you clear the clutter that derails you and holds you back?

4.    How can you repeatedly tap your courage to overcome doubt and resolve to realign your efforts around your purpose?  

5.    How can developing and applying self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and gratitude habits diminish your regret?

Please reach out to me if you want to live and lead with fewer regrets to benefit yourself, your team, your company, and others you care about. I look forward to the conversation. 

Robert Hackman is the founder and principal of 4C Consulting and Coaching. He provides executive coaching for leadership impact, growth, and development for individuals, teams, and organizations. Committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, he facilitates trusting environments that promote unusually candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.

A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.

Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203 or rhackman@4cconsulting.net.