Reacting - or responding?

Am I reacting or responding? A decade ago, I wouldn't have known the difference.

As an entrepreneur, I thrived on "firefighting" – tackling unexpected challenges head-on. It was exhilarating, reminiscent of "the show must go on" ethos from my concert booking days in college, and played to my strengths: resourcefulness and adaptability.

Yet over the past year, it just didn't feel like it used to. What helped me understand this was an exercise ahead of our Team Days: The Leadership Circle.

Being critical is critical to what?

Skepticism was my initial reaction to the self-assessment tool we used. Over 100 questions aimed at dissecting my leadership style seemed flawed. And of course I scored highly on critical. Not only that, in a pre-reflection I literally wrote: "I actually like my ability to think critically, I look at it as something that's critical to whatever success I've had."

But being "critical" was listed under reactive behaviors, opposite to the creative competencies essential for effective leadership.

Later, our facilitators won me over by framing this 'test' as merely a snapshot, and not a long-term measure of our "personality". As we got more comfortable with it, we were guided through understanding our reactive behaviors, and even started meta-jokingly carrying our shadows with a sense of pride. A little like I liked being critical.

A shadow named reacting

It was only until later at dinner with a colleague that the difference between being critical and thinking critically clicked for me. The reason I admired her personal skills was not rooted in any shadows of 'pleasing', but what I am seeing is actually her strength in relating, on the creative side of the circle.

It's akin to reacting versus responding: fear triggers reacting, distancing us from our creative potential.

I realized my goal shouldn't be to become more pleasing so people put up with me being critical, but to see how this tendency shows up on the creative side, such as in a strategic focus, or courageous authenticity.

Embracing my creative side

Understanding this difference was key in what I described last week with the locked door. Recognizing my tendency allowed me to shift towards a solution-oriented, creative response. Without being more aware of this, I'm not sure I would have understood the lesson.

And I also started to see how firefighting is not actually reactive - after all, fire trucks and other equipment needs to be cared for, and to respond, a firefighter needs to be trained to be in their creative and pro-active zone.

This journey of understanding is far from over. What about you? Where do you find yourself reacting or responding?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please share them in the comments.

P.S. Curious about your leadership style? The Leadership Circle offers a free self-assessment on their website. It might provide you with some insightful revelations, as it did for me.