Ready, Steady, Stop

• The training was over.
• I was ready to coach - right?
• I had even been invited to train as a coach trainer.
• The International Coaching Federation had ratified me as an ACC coach.
• All I had to do was get clear about my niche and jump in.

I paused. I could clearly see the value of coaching, but not necessarily the value of me as a coach. Maybe just maybe I should go back to #projectmanagement and use my new-found coaching skills and training in that field.

A friend suggested I take on some clients that she could not fit into her schedule. And I agreed. A few clients in, I was feeling more confident, but I was still wondering if coaching was the right path for me.

Coaching moments are just that - moments where it comes together and the client makes a discovery, decision, or change. Those moments are built on trust, rapport and close attention:

Short example of Ruth coaching and the AHA!

Learning from Clients

And then I met Ian. Ian was someone who had not left his apartment in New York in two years - and this was before Covid-19. He had a therapist that he was working with who had suggested that a coach might help him build a strategy for changing his behaviors and beliefs. He was so afraid to step out of his apartment, the building maintenance person brought his mail, his sister brought groceries and he had not breathed the fresh air outside for months.

When we started working together he said he wanted to be able to go to the lobby and collect his own mail. For many of us that may seem a modest goal, but to someone who faces this level of anxiety it was almost unimaginable.

After a few sessions, we started visualizing the journey downstairs. At first, his visualization what short and sweet. An effort that would take at least 20 minutes could be described in less than one. "Go to the elevator bank, call the elevator, step in, go down three floors, step out, collect the mail, come back upstairs." Done!

He did not feel very confident. It seemed easy to say but another thing to do it - what he was describing was not really what he was "visualizing". We started to work on the details.

• What would he wear?
• How would he prepare for this adventure?
• What did he need in order to make this day "the day"?
• What would he see, smell, hear and touch as he walked to the elevator - the new carpeting, the scratches on the neighbors door from when they got their puppy, the smell of herbs and tomatoes cooking from the apartment down the hall, the sound of the kids home from school playing and yelling in #4C.

The list went on, and we had not even made it to the elevator yet.

Then he described the sensations in the elevator. That sinking feeling as the elevator first moves. The smell of cleaning materials, the reflection in the mirrored elevator ceiling.

Then he imagined stepping into the lobby. He thought about the smells, the sounds, the sights, and more. He imagined the surprise on the doorman's face and what it would be like to have a conversation. We continued and this new visualization took nearly 20 minutes to describe. Ian described the journey back in the elevator, the feeling of elation he would have at having made the trip downstairs...

Visualization vs actualization

Two days later, Ian called to say he had made the trip. Most of it had been as he had visualized. He felt quite well prepared and there were few surprises until he got to the lobby.

First, it had been redecorated and he liked the new light fixtures and fresh color scheme.

Second, there was a coffee store next to the lobby with an entrance directly from his building. On a whim he had decided to buy himself a special coffee. He struck up a conversation with another customer, and, as he came back into his building, he offered to help a neighbor carry her shopping.

He made it home safe and sound - and proud.

And that was it. I was hooked. Coaching is powerful. I was launched on a second career of coaching. Ian had found his way to tackle his first goal. I had helped, but he had created what he needed to take on this challenge. I asked questions, I listened closely for assumptions, unhelpful beliefs and opportunities to challenge his thinking.

I learned that a coach can help people achieve great change, achieve meaningful goals, and be a catalyst for change that is quite different from an advisor, counsellor, therapist or mentor.

And I also learned that just because we have had extensive training, a lifetime of experiences, and we have walked some of the paths our potential clients walk, that does not always mean we feel ready. There is nothing better than doing the work with the support of a mentor, to hone our skill, confidence and competence.

Coaching vs Mentoring what's the difference?

It can be very confusing. The words "mentor" and "coach" are often used interchangeably. And yet they are subtly different. There are some similarities - coaches and mentors want the best for their clients/mentees; they aim to help the client/mentee identify and achieve their goals; they are caring professions.

Both disciplines use checkins and checkouts - as to most therapeutic* interventions. We want to know how the person in front of us is feeling, what they have learned, what in their world has changed and so on so we can create the best development environment possible.

But between start and end the journey is different.

Agenda Setting vs Clarification

In coaching, the agenda belongs to the client. The client decides where this exploration is going to go, what the priorities are, where they want to focus, how today's agenda fits with their overall agenda, and if the overall agenda needs to change. In mentoring it is a shared effort guided by the wishes of the mentee and framed by the expertise and experience of the mentor. The mentor honors the mentees wishes and aims, and at the same time guides them to where their focus should be to achieve their stated goals, what their priorities should be and how to get to where they want to go.

Exploration vs Contribution

With a coach we are exploring what you know, what you need, how you learn and what growth, success and development look like for you. We are mining your resources, and identifying new resources that we need to find. The measures of progress and success are internal to you. The coach collaborates and co-creates, but is a passenger in the car. The client is driving.

In mentoring, both people are sharing the driving. The mentee has goals, desires, dreams and the mentor has the experience and expertise not just to help them get there, but to share the best ways, the pitfalls, to make connections to people who can help - a network and to guide the mentee's path forward. The measure of progress and success are a combination of internal to the mentee and measures that come from outside sources such as the mentor, the organization, professional standards and more.

Mentoring me to Coach my Client.

I coached my client. The client set the agenda, we explored options, what he already knew, what he needed to achieve his goal and we set the scene for him to start on his adventures.

My friend and colleague mentored me. She understood what I wanted and what was getting in the way - she had been there herself and seen others facing the same challenges. She knew ways to push and guide me to move forward when I did not. If she had asked me what I needed, I would likely have said to go back to project management or more training. Instead she contributed suggestions, the benefit of her experience, and the steps to help me launch my new career.

Indeed, International Coaching Federation accredited coaches are required to have mentoring in order to achieve and maintain their accreditation.

A Lifetime's Journey

I continue to learn and develop. I hope and expect I always will. I took the opportunity to become a certified coach trainer with the Center for Coaching Certification and have been part of the training journey of more than 60 coaches. I have jumped in to many more trainings about coaching. I regularly observe other coaches, and offer workshops and trainings to coaches. I participate in as many trainings as I can!

In 2023, I was invited to write a book about coaching for people who might want to understand what a coach can do for them. I was also proud to be recognized by WomELLE as a top five women coach.

The book, Be Hopeful, Be Strong, Be Brave, Be Curious was published two weeks ago by Wiley and is available in all the usual places!

I wish it was cheaper!

Yeah, me too! At $45 for the print copy and $27 for the Amazon Kindle and other e-pub options, I am not surprised that people pause before buying.

But consider this:

Early reviewers have called this book:

A masterclass

Like having your own professional coach

A winner!

AND Book Purchase includes free membership of the Author Led Book Club with Ruth Pearce

Ever wanted to pick an author's brains?

Or challenge their thinking?

Or add to the discussion of the topic?

Or help others deepen their knowledge?

Well, purchase the book from your favorite vendor and sign up for Ruth's author led Book Club starting in March 2024.

For no additional fee you will receive:

1. 11 monthly book club sessions with Ruth Pearce - the author
2. Additional coaching and exploration options
3. Opportunities to win copies of books, free 1:1 coaching sessions and more
4. Discounted membership of the Group Coaching Program starting in May 2024
5. Access to up to SIX assessments in Hope, Character Strengths, Bravery, Curiosity, Burnout and Wellbeing.
6. Invitations to more events and learning opportunities.

Just buy the book and sign up here:

Use the discount code: CoachBookClub2024 or ReaderBookClub2024 (please note you may be asked to provide proof of purchase).

Interested in other options to work with Ruth - for you and/or your organization?

Book a time to chat directly with Ruth about your needs:

Ruth Pearce is a coach, storyteller, trainer and author. She is the creator of four (soon to be five) #LinkedInlearning programs, two books, multiple training and coaching programs for individuals, groups and teams.

Check out her LinkedIn Profile to find out what her clients say about her!