Reflections on Women's Day: My early small acts of rebellion

International Women's Day is a moment of reflection for me. We have come a long way in some areas, not in others. I remember this:

After graduating from law school in 1978, I found myself working as a litigator for a firm in San Francisco. There were so few women doing that at the time, we stood out. The world of cases in courts was not ready for us women, either in how we were spoken to by judges and colleagues or how we presented ourselves. We persisted, and things are very different now.

The Old Mantra of Dress For Success-Look Like The Men

The judges back then were nearly all male. The bailiffs were too, and a woman lawyer in the courtroom was a novelty. The judges had to go to judges' classes to learn to call us "Ms." instead of Miss or Mrs. That took them awhile. And it appeared to me that we women were expected to dress like the men: navy blue or black pinstripe suits. Some womens' suits even had stupid little bow ties to go with them ! I thought that was ridiculous. I began my private rebellion then.

The Size Issue

I am a small-sized person and petite women's clothing had not been created yet. Few business suits for women were available. After all, why would women need business clothes? Manufacturers eventually realized that they were missing about 25% of the clothing market so they began slowly to make a few things in my size. Yep, black or navy blue pinstripes. Or boring beige. Before that, I either had to buy too long, too big suits and get them altered or have clothes custom made by a seamstress. That gave me an idea.

If I had to shop for patterns and fabric, why should I buy something I hated, like navy blue pinstriped suit material? I rebelled. I had done something for fun before that--had my "colors done". That meant having a person consider my skin tones, hair and eye color and other things to give me a palette of swatches of my "best colors". I loved it and went shopping with it. In my defiant attitude, I bought burgundy, pale blue, green and other flattering-for-me colors for my lawyer clothes. I refused to wear black, which I had learned made me look washed out. (I'm blonde haired, blue eyed, and light skinned.) Just out of defiance, I refused to own a navy blue pinstriped suit. It was my way of overthrowing the establishment.

To this day I have never owned one, despite a 27 year career as a litigator from which I am now retired to be a consultant in aging.

The Effect

I tried my first case in Federal Court in colorful clothing, with closing argument an all burgundy-colored suit. I realized that everyone seemed to be staring at me. No one else there had on anything but black, or dark clothing. I secretly relished that. If I was going to stand out just for being female in a man's world, why not take it up a notch and really stand out altogether? I played that female card for years. I looked as feminine as possible: tailored, tasteful colorful clothing, high heels but not stilettos, nails done, hair carefully groomed, makeup applied, never overdone. I was comfortable with that. When my first case in that court was a surprising success, I took that as a "yes, keep up the rebellion." Maybe the victory had nothing to do with what I wore, but I considered it part of the picture.

What I Never Did

I was sure that it would have been a mistake to use my femininity in a way that could be perceived as being sexual or provocative. That was clear. No cleavage (not that a petite like me has any!), no sexy anything. Skirt length conservative. No see-through. Heels not dowdy but not ridiculously high either. Nothing too tight. It was all very carefully thought through. And I was satisfied that it was right for me.

Results Looking Back

Of course times have changed and women lawyers do not have to worry whether wearing a pantsuit is going to be questioned. It was, back in the day! Judges and opposing attorneys were still getting used to us showing up in the previously all-male "boys' club" of the courthouses. But I succeeded. I kept to a philosophy that I was going to show up my way, look my way and be how I chose to be rather than follow some ridiculous expectation that we should act or dress like men.

The Takeaway

First impressions still count and people do judge us by our looks. And we have a lot of control over how we present ourselves. I believe it is important to look the way we want to look in our public lives after thinking it through and making decisions about it rather than randomly picking things. We, as women, have a distinct power in our feminine selves. We can make individual choices about it. If you choose to rebel in some way as I do, in our still unequal world, I urge you to consider this thoroughly. And when you can, have fun with it, whatever your rebellion looks like.