Reframing Behaviour: The Power of Seeing Children Differently

Today, I had a thought-provoking conversation with a colleague about something deeply important to me: the power of reframing behaviour in children. The truth is, the implications of not seeing children through this lens are too significant to ignore. We’re seeing far too many children in crisis, and I can’t help but wonder how much could change if we simply saw them differently.

I strongly believe in the BIG idea that co-regulation could change the world. What if, one child and one relationship at a time, we could create nurturing and supportive environments where children feel seen, heard, and loved? Imagine telling a child, “I feel your BIG feelings, and I love you anyway.” “I see your BIG behaviour, and I’m here to support you anyway.” Showing up consistently, time and time again, gives children the message they desperately need: I am here, no matter what.

What could be more powerful than that?

This leads me to question some of the traditional methods we’ve used in education. When we know a child is experiencing significant stressors in their life, do we really believe that punishment is what they need? Or does it simply reinforce the message that other people hold the power, leaving them feeling even more helpless?

Most people, I believe, could be persuaded to become curious about making this shift. The challenge, though, is with the children who are the most vulnerable—the ones for whom the system simply doesn’t work. These children need this approach more than anyone else. They need just one adult to believe in them, to see their value and the beauty they bring into the world.

What these children actually need is someone who is willing to plan for their success. They need someone who asks, “How can we strengthen your relationships so that you feel emotionally safe?” “What supports do you need in your environment to thrive?” “What skills can I teach you so that you can advocate for what you need?” And perhaps most importantly, “How can I work with the adults around you to truly see you?” When we take the time to ask these questions and build intentional support systems, we can create the conditions for every child to flourish, no matter their challenges.

I dream of a world where, one child, one relationship, one interaction at a time, we can all hold a little more compassion and space for each other. Where, together, we create a world that is a little easier for everyone.

As I reflect on this, I can’t help but think about how we could embed this way of thinking into our education systems. What if schools prioritised creating environments where children feel emotionally safe, supported, and understood? What if co-regulation was seen as fundamental to a child’s success? These are the questions we need to be asking.