Regenerating Your Confidence When You've Hit Rock Bottom--Hint: You Won't Make It If You Fake It

Has your self-confidence taken a nose-dive? Do you feel drained from past experiences or current circumstances in a way that makes you feel you can never be the person you are capable of being?

Are you being lured into settling for the status quo—feeling discouraged from even trying anything else?

Do you feel paralyzed by your own shortcomings and insecurities?

Honestly, on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being the lowest) how do you rate your self-confidence level right now? If you are less than a 7, then keep reading—this article is for you.

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Look, I get it. It’s common to feel down on yourself. It’s common to feel like you’ve lost your ability to go after your dreams. In the ebb and flow of life, confidence often feels elusive. Sometimes it’s here and other times it feels as though its been taken away.

The good news is: this is just an illusion. The ability to feel confident is always present. Because there is a sense of certainty inside of you that can never go away. If you’re feeling low on the confidence scale right now, it’s just dormant right now. To reactivate it, and to start living as the most confident version of you again, is simple. You just need to pull the right levers.

Here they are:

1.   Be And Act Your Authentic Self.

Real confidence stems not from a “fake it ‘till you make it” mentality but from our ability to genuinely express who we are and to pursue things that we truly desire.

It’s about being able to say, “This is who I am,” and then choosing to show up as that person—every day. To say, “I know what I want,” and then chasing whatever that is—consistently.

This one simple shift—in choosing to live as your authentic self—knocks out so many of those voices telling you that you aren’t good enough. Because feeling like a fraud, fake, or failure is really just the result of acting in misalignment with your authentic self.

Knowing who you are and choosing to live in alignment with that vision is something that no one else can mess with. It creates a sense of certainty and integrity inside that fuels confidence in all areas of life.

2.   Get Comfortable With Being Vulnerable.

This may sound counterintuitive. We have these pictures in our minds of what it means to be confident. We think it requires bravado, extroversion, and “know-it-all” propensities.

When in reality, true confidence is allowing yourself to expose your weaknesses. It’s about being so certain—in any place with any person—that you feel totally comfortable and confident in sharing your insecurities and gaps in knowledge. It’s being able to elegantly say, “I don’t know,” instead of butchering an answer.

Saying “I don’t know” is a power, not a weakness.

Because true, deep, authentic confidence in oneself—means believing that you can figure things out, not that you already have. It means diving into the edges of that which you don’t know, so you can learn more. Not pretending that you know everything to save face. 

Confidence is not correlated to how much or how little you know, but to the depth of your belief in your ability to figure things out. And the humility and openness you’ve cultivated to learn what you don’t know from others.

3. Increase Your Competence Level.

You may have heard about the relationship between competence and confidence—often called the “competence ∞ confidence” infinity loop.

The idea is, that in order to develop more confidence, you need to focus on increasing your knowledge, skills, and abilities in all areas of your life that you want to feel confident - such as your career, your business, your relationship, your health, finances, etc.

Often times, if we are experiencing a dip in confidence in a certain area, it is because we are no longer improving in that area. In other words, it’s possible, in the areas that you are now feeling less than confident—that you’ve hit your threshold.

The good news is: this threshold presents the opportunity to breakthrough.

Start building momentum again by taking disciplined action towards acquiring new knowledge and skills about the things you want to accomplish. Block time on your calendar to schedule new learning and protect this time at all costs.

Seriously—stop right now and go do it. The perfect time, the perfect person, the perfect circumstances aren’t coming to save you.

Start taking action. Because with action comes momentum, and with momentum, your confidence grows.

4.   Celebrate Your Progress And Integrate Your Wins.

So few of us actually take the time to (a) measure our progress, and (b) celebrate it. Weeks, months, and years go by and we feel “stuck” because we’ve failed to integrate any of our wins with our identity. We’ve failed to see our own progress and improvement, leaving us feeling unaccomplished.

This, as you likely know, negatively affects confidence levels.

So, here’s my challenge for you: commit to make small changes (in different areas of your life) and integrate the wins into your identity (frequently) by actively acknowledging what you’ve gained.

Tactically, journal about your progress in each area of your life (work, relationships, health, etc.) every day. Take time every month or quarter to flip back through your journal and see how far you’ve come.

The truth is: you’ll never be happy if you’re always after a moving target. It’s critical to allow yourself to celebrate when you DO hit the target. This doesn’t mean you should stop achieving, it just means you should take time to appreciate what you have achieved.

5.   Get Future Focused.

So many of us are holding onto past pain—harmful stories that make us define ourselves in a negative light. Maybe it’s something your previous boss said to you. Maybe it’s some recent failure you had. Maybe it’s a relationship gone sour.

Whatever it is, it’s time to let it go. It’s time to let go of negative experiences and concerns you have for the past and replace them with a stronger commitment to the future. Choose to set new standards, rules, and practices for yourself.

Pay attention to what you want to become, not what has already passed.

As they say, “You can’t drive forward looking through the rearview mirror.”

So ask yourself: “What am I going to let go of today?” And then do it. Let it go. I give you full permission.

6.   Set Intention To Be Confident.

You haven’t ‘lost’ your confidence, as you probably like to say. It’s not like it disappeared into some black hole. It’s not like someone came along and stole it from you.

Confidence is a feeling—therefore, it’s something that can be generated at any time. The feeling that it’s gone somewhere else is just an illusion. An illusion you fuelled when you stopped focusing on being confident.

So when you wake up tomorrow morning, just make the simple decision to be more confident. Set the intention. Remind yourself of your strengths and your accomplishments. Feel the sense of certainty in your body. Keep resetting throughout the day when you feel your posture start to slump and energy start to drop off.

Remind yourself: confidence is just a feeling, a feeling I can create at any time.

Then, see how things turn out ;)

7.   Choose Your Social Circle.

Despite so much psychological and sociological research having been published about how much our friends and colleagues have an effect on what decisions we make—including how to feel—this is often overlooked. We think confidence is only an internal game.

And while it is, for the most part, it’s important to look at whom you are spending time with. Examine your social circle. 

Do negative people surround you most of the time – people who don’t challenge and champion you? Or perhaps you surround yourself with sycophants – people who don’t push you to grow or relay any constructive criticism?

To become more confident you must surround yourself with honest, authentic, outspoken people who can both challenge and champion you. Who can tell you when you’re off-track. Who can raise the bar for you? People who can see who you truly are and what you’re capable of and then challenge you to reach for it.

These are the kinds of people that can change the game for us.

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The key to remember when you are feeling down and out is that confidence can never be “lost.” It is just a feeling—a feeling you can cultivate more of in your life.

If you believe in your ability to figure things out, let go of those limiting beliefs, set clear intentions, surround yourself with good people, commit to growth, celebrate your wins, and most importantly, choose to be you--be you here and be you there—then confidence is yours.

I have faith in you, my friend. It’s time you start having a little more in yourself again as well.

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About the Author

Andrew Srinarayan is a Certified High Performance Coach & Business Growth Strategist who helps executives, professionals, and entrepreneurs get to their next level by empowering them to make intelligent, confident, and powerful moves forward. He brings humor, compassion, and a healthy dose of challenge to every interaction.

To learn more about Certified High Performance Coaching and to schedule a complimentary coaching session, visit his website: www.shiftmindset.com