Resilient Leadership - Too Many Safe Spaces and Very Little Resilience

I love facilitating the Resilient Leaders workshop because we always end up with one-liners that show people's opinions about today's workforce. My latest favourite is the "Too many safe spaces and very little resilience" that was said by a participant and I fully agree! Okay, but hold on, what the hell is resilience?

In the end, I will share with you my personal strategy for resilience that never let me down. It sounds harsh but it works.

First of all, we need to define what resilience means; "the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. But, that's not all! Resilience is moving forward! "A resilient person is capable of standing up to things in the face of fear and moving forward voluntarily convinced of their own competence and ability to prevail." Peterson.

So, what are the examples you can pick up on at work when someone is not being resilient?

• They keep referring back to the past when something didn't work so, now they don't even try.
• When they maintain the status quo due to complacency and/or fear of change.
• People who don't believe in themselves. When a position or opportunity is offered they don't even try because.
• Nihilistic and pessimistic behaviours. When people say "Nothing really matters" or "it won't work out."
• Leaders who play it safe and don't make necessary decisions because they are scared of messing it up or losing their jobs.
• People who don't change things. That's a vital sign you must look out for. Does that office look the same as it looked 20 years ago? Has the person at least tried doing something new or different? Is the person following others or keeping the same old habits/practices?
• People who care too much about what others think of them and they alter their behaviour accordingly to their detriment.
• Kids, in their twenties with no jobs, living with their mothers and playing games all they long.

Resilience is not about happiness and positivity. Resilience is not about playing it safe and not taking risks. Resilience is not about maintaining what is and just cruising along. I heard leaders saying "We are good. We keep going making money and people are happy" but when I look at the organisation nothing has changed in the past 15 years. They haven't taken decisions and/or risks to move the company forward. They are just cruising. That's not resilience, that's complacency, keeping it safe, and average competence.

Resilience has millions of small tiny signs and we must understand them. Some might come across as resilient because life has thrown a few curveballs at them but it completely destroyed them. You see them keeping going but they never overcome the challenges emotionally or mentally and they are stuck in the past. They constantly talk about what's happened. That's not resilience. Dependent people are not resilient either. You might see them moving forward in life but in fact, someone else is carrying them forward. Husband, wife, partner, friends or life. That's not resilience. I know a person who would sit out every situation not taking risks or making decisions letting life sort things out. That's not resilience. Although, I believe that sometimes we just have to let life deal with things.

To me resilience is believing in yourself that you will figure it out hence you won't hesitate to take risks. Resilience to me is the ability to leave the past behind with learning but not with scars that are debilitating. Resilience to me is a mix of realism and optimism. Stating what is and believing that it will be better and then doing the thing that is necessary to achieve that no matter how painful or uncomfortable it is. Resilience is discomfort, pain, and discipline. Resilience to me is to try again although you failed like a 100 times at it before. Resilience to me is putting yourself in a difficult situation because you trust yourself that you will overcome that somehow.

My best strategy for resilience (although I am highly resilient based on my genetics - personality profile) is to prepare for "every" situation I can think of and have an exit strategy. When I enter a relationship I have a plan for how to exit it. When I start a job, I have a plan for what I am going to do if I lose that job. I have an exit strategy for when I have to move back home and sell my flat in Dubai. I even prepared myself about how I was going to feel when my father dies. I am ready for that feeling and emotion. It won't throw me off course.

Have an exit strategy because when you don't, you get temporarily or sometimes permanently paralysed by the circumstance, emotions or feelings and you won't be able to get back up! My friend entered a marriage without having a financial plan in case they got divorced. Guess what happened to her? She was completely destroyed not by the divorce but by her zero bank balance. I was looking at her thinking, girl, I would have had twenty strategies in place making sure it wouldn't happen to me and I am strong exiting this marriage. Does it sound harsh? Maybe! But it is necessary. You must take control over your response to what is happening to you. You must be prepared. No control, no resilience. The going-with-the-flow mentality has nothing to do with resilience it is exactly the opposite.

Once I had no exit strategy and two years on I am still hurt. I looked after a cat for 4 months (original arrangement) but I truly believed that he would stay with me for good. Well, the owner came back and took him! I wasn't ready for that so today, I still say "They took my cat away from me". Completely irrational as he was never my cat and I was meant to look after him for a few months only. Friends said that I should have my cat and I will not! I want Kimchi! You see, this is the type of behaviour you end up with when you don't have an exit strategy.

PS: Are we always resilient? Hell no! Sometimes we need to sit down and gather power!

How to think about leadership and corporate practices differently? Here are more of this type of article. Enjoy!:

Or watch Elon Musk's take on working from home LOL: