Setbacks Don't Define You, Embrace the power to change!

My Dad always said, 'Ho Jayega'

Do you know why he said that? Because in the end and through all ebbs and flows it does get better. Why? Because of our strengths and beliefs. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't believe me?

Allow me to take you on a quick reflection exercise. Take a deep breath and think of 2 major challenges that you might have faced in the past.

Yes, in the immediate moment, those challenges must have felt like a huge mountain that cannot be surmounted - but slowly and surely, you would have gathered the strength and wisdom to defeat the mountain.

So now, in hindsight, those challenges look miniscule to you.

Am I correct in assuming so?

Well, this was one of the major themes I delved into when I sat down for a podcast with Visionary Voices. It was also one of the first times that I deep-dived into my journey and how I started.

I was never here (where I am today helping and guiding individuals) without my share of dilemmas, lows, and second guesses.

Michelle Obama after serving as the 1st Lady of the United States of America started inspiring young people and women to recognise the 'light' that is inherent to all.

She said, "All of us have a light within us that shines after a bit of darkness. Its our job and responsibility to recognise it and keep giving it flame."

Something similar happened with me and I was fortunate to share it with a wider audience.

I'll start with a very basic concept that everyone can relate to.

The idea of social conditioning that we all have been exposed to.

We start with completing our 10th and 12th grades, then move on to graduation, and eventually decide where to pursue our MBA/any professional higher education. After a long hiatus of selecting the college and then several sleepless nights to stand out in that. We all have been there. Some of us are still undergoing this process.

After that, we aim to land a job with a substantial salary package, buy a home, get a car, and then think about marriage.

We keep going through life following this pre-determined program, ticking off each milestone as we go along.

However, life often has its own plans, and it can take unexpected turns.

When these changes occur, you never know what lies on the other side.

It's almost like climbing a mountain with some rain but then you get on the other side and there are storms.

All of this conditioning prepares us for rain, but no one teaches us how to navigate the storms.

In my own journey, I experienced a similar pre-programmed path.

My mother was battling cancer, which made life challenging yet rewarding in its way.

I worked hard and eventually secured a position at Standard Chartered Bank, a role I was proud of. Later, I transitioned to another company in the consulting sector.

But one day, I realized that they no longer connect with the idea of having me there and want me to quit!

I found myself sitting in a room, feeling lost and unhappy, pondering my next steps.

This was the time my father's words of wisdom kept ringing in my ears.

‘Ho Jayega.’

But how? Kaise ho jayega?

By falling back on the strengths and beliefs that you have gathered through life.

Every day is a lesson and teaches us something so it is inevitable not to have strengths.

We just need to sit and analyse them. Especially your skills, your deep down skill set which you connect with (for me, its educating others).

I began by writing down my strengths and skills. Throughout my career, no matter where I worked, I was always the one taking up challenges, influencing in small ways, using some training skills, trying to find solution of the problem & cerating business in many ways!

This realization marked the beginning of a new chapter for me. By focusing on my strengths—particularly my ability to take challenges, create my own self in a new way, train and mentor others—I found a new sense of purpose.

This process of introspection and realignment was not easy, but it was necessary for personal and professional growth.

The takeaway from this incident is that social conditioning is good and is in place for a reason – but when life twists you, it is necessary to sit down, talk to ourselves, analyse what we are good at, and forge a path ahead.

Apart from delving into the above ideas I was fortunate to answer some interesting questions about the inception of my journey and more.

Here are some snippets of the conversion followed by some learnings –

Q: Did you always want to pursue a career in coaching, and how has your journey been? What initially inspired you to enter this field?

Answer:

I began my journey by offering sessions and coaching, while simultaneously immersing myself in reading and researching psychology and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). What truly inspired me was the process of confronting my own fears through NLP. For example, I realized that many of my behaviors, particularly in parenting, were rooted in a fear-based upbringing. It was eye-opening to discover how much of our actions are driven by fear, and through this realization, I was able to begin overcoming these fears.

Learnings:

It's crucial to dig deep and understand the underlying fears and motivations that shape our behavior. This self-awareness is the first step toward personal growth and leading a more intentional life.

By identifying and addressing fear-based behaviors, we can transform our fears into strengths, empowering ourselves to lead with confidence.

Q: What inspired you to choose coaching as your career?

Answer:

My inspiration stemmed from my personal journey with NLP, where I uncovered deep-seated fears that had been influencing my life, especially in parenting. I realized how much of our behavior is driven by fear, and through NLP, I learned to confront and conquer these fears. This experience was transformative and motivated me to help others navigate similar challenges.

Learnings:

Many of our actions are rooted in unconscious fears. By bringing these to light, we can make conscious choices that lead to healthier and more fulfilling lives.

Coaching offers a pathway for others to recognize and overcome their fears, ultimately enabling them to lead more empowered lives.

Q: Your career is emotionally demanding. How do you maintain balance and prioritize self-care?

Answer:

It’s easy to say, “Take care of yourself,” but no one really teaches you how. I find solace in small, mindful practices that contribute to my overall self-care routine. For example, when you drink green tea as a form of self-care, do you really focus on the feeling it gives you? Often, we don’t. The key is to be present in the moment and truly savor that self-care activity. This way, your brain records the positive experience, and your neural chemistry becomes wired for self-care. It’s important to shift from needing self-care to genuinely wanting and appreciating it.

Learnings:

The effectiveness of self-care lies in being fully present and conscious during these practices, which helps reinforce positive neural pathways.

By making self-care a deliberate and mindful practice, we can reframe it from a mere obligation into a deeply valued part of our lives.

Q: NLP has gained significant prominence recently. How do you address misconceptions about this field to help people embrace it?

Answer:

NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, primarily developed in the 1970s and gained momentum in the 1990s, thanks to the work of Richard Bandler and John Grinder. They believed that by identifying the thought patterns and behaviors of successful individuals, these could be taught to others. The origins of NLP are fascinating; it was akin to the concept of "Monkey See, Monkey Do." When we admire a celebrity or fictional character, we often find ourselves mimicking their style, voice, values, and ideas. This natural tendency to imitate is known as unconscious assimilation—we're inherently wired to learn by observing and repeating what we see and hear.

One of the most pervasive myths about NLP, which has also influenced New Code NLP, is that it’s simply about copying others or using visualization techniques. However, let me clarify: NLP is much more than that. It's about identifying and analyzing the patterns in our thoughts and behaviors that aren't serving us well. It's a process of consciously sitting with ourselves, recognizing these unhelpful patterns, and then actively working to shift them through a structured approach. NLP is fundamentally about making conscious changes to our internal programming to improve our lives.

Learnings:

NLP isn’t just about copying successful behaviors; it’s a deep, introspective process of identifying and transforming patterns that no longer serve us.

The true power of NLP lies in its ability to help us consciously reprogram our thoughts and behaviors, leading to more effective and fulfilling lives.

Often, the road less traveled leads to new opportunities and fresh beginnings.

Stay tuned for the upcoming podcast, where I delve deeper into these insights and share valuable perspectives. I'm excited to bring this content to you soon, as it holds tremendous value and meaningful takeaways.

I will keep in touch with you with my New Code NLP Practitioner Pune 2024 Event updates!

I will see you in the next article!!

Thanks and regards

Ridhima Dua