"Shouldn't You Be Home?": My Story and the Fight Against Stigma

In 2019, with a heavy heart but a burning determination, I left my two-month-old son behind for a professional mentorship opportunity in Silicon Valley. The decision was agonizing, but it was a chance to propel my career and ultimately benefit my family in the long run. What I wasn't prepared for was the barrage of criticism that followed. Family, friends, even fellow women, bombarded me with questions and accusations. "Shouldn't you be home?" they'd say, their words laced with judgment. "How could you leave such a young baby?" It felt like a betrayal of deeply ingrained societal expectations.

My experience is far from unique. Across sub-Saharan Africa, countless working mothers face a similar "Mothers Should Be Home" stigma. Working outside the home is often seen as a transgression of a woman's primary role as caregiver. My story highlights the reality of this bias:

Months of Planning, Mountains of Judgment

Months before leaving, I meticulously planned for my son's well-being. I stockpiled breast milk, hired a qualified nutritionist, and ensured he was surrounded by loving family members and trusted friends. Yet, none of this seemed to matter in the face of societal disapproval. The constant whispers and judgmental looks chipped away at my confidence, despite knowing I had made a well-considered decision for my future and ultimately, for my family's well-being.

The Roots of the Stigma Run Deep

This pervasive judgment is fueled by several factors:

• Traditional Roles: Deeply ingrained cultural beliefs prioritize a woman's role as homemaker and primary caregiver. Working mothers may be seen as transgressors, even if economic necessity or personal ambition drives them.
• Lack of Support Systems: Limited access to affordable childcare and strong social safety nets puts immense pressure on mothers. If they work, the burden of finding alternative care often falls solely on them.
• The "Mommy Wars": The societal pressure to be the "perfect mother" creates a sense of competition among women. This can lead to judgment of mothers who choose to work outside the home.

The Damaging Fallout of Unsupportive Narratives

This constant stigma has far-reaching consequences:

• Undermined Potential: Talented women may quit their jobs, scale back their ambitions, or never enter the workforce in the first place due to fear of social judgment.
• Economic Hardship: Mothers' reduced earning power creates greater financial strain on families, especially those headed by women.
• Mental Health Toll: The constant pressure to be the "perfect" mother alongside a successful professional takes a heavy emotional toll.

Moving Beyond the Stigma: Towards a More Supportive Future

Dismantling this harmful bias demands action on multiple levels:

• Challenging Tradition: Community dialogues emphasizing the changing realities and benefits of women's work are essential to shift traditional views.
• Celebrating Success: Highlighting positive examples of successful working mothers in diverse fields serves as powerful counter-narratives.
• Policy Support: Affordable childcare options, flexible work policies, and paternity leave would provide essential support and normalize working parenthood.
• Employer Accountability: Anti-bias training and a focus on performance-based evaluations rather than motherhood status in workplaces are imperative.

A Mother's Love Knows No Bounds

My story is a testament to the unwavering love a mother has for her child. Leaving my son behind was incredibly difficult, but the decision was made with his future in mind. In several regions around the world, we need to shift the narrative. A mother's love and ambition are not mutually exclusive. Let's create a future where women can pursue their professional aspirations without sacrificing the well-being of their families and where their contributions across all spheres are valued and celebrated.

However, my journey wasn't all judgment. While in the US, I was fortunate to encounter a network of supportive women who understood the challenges and celebrated the triumphs of working mothers. Their encouragement was a powerful force, giving me the courage to make the best of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The global pandemic that emerged (COVID-19) forced adjustments to my plans, but the mentorship experience itself remains an unforgettable source of learning and growth.

Sharing my story is not to glorify leaving a young child behind, but to illustrate the complex choices working mothers face and the societal biases that can make those choices even harder. It's also a call to action for a more supportive world, where women are empowered to achieve their professional goals without guilt or shame.

I hope this resonates with you!