Inclusion and pregnant people in the workplace

While many are preparing to celebrate the new year, it was 2022 that was really NEW for me. I want to add my story to the very few that are shared on this matter, to help make it better understood.

My daughter was born, shining light on a very hot topic these days, which I always felt in control of throughout my life: #inclusion. In my studies, and in my work, I have always been a minority, whether by gender, by age, or by origin. Sometimes by more subtle dimensions like discipline, resilience, stamina, sense of humour. I enjoyed it, knowing that by working the hardest and bringing my unique views I am setting myself for success. 

Getting pregnant at my age usually correlates with more senior roles, higher amount of accountability, larger team. Since the day we found out about our daughter, I became incredibly insecure about how this will be taken by my organisation. I was dreading the day when I had to announce it, preparing to do everything to demonstrate my commitment, organising all the smallest details to compensate for the time required for me to step back. The examples of Jacinda Ardern and Lea-Sophie Cramer truly helped, but I wondered: "I DO see their commitment and capability, but will others see me this way? Or will the cliched view win, regardless of what I do?" As Harvard Business Review writes "Pregnant women [it would be more correct to write "people"] are often denied promotions, and seen as liabilities or burdens, based on their decision to have a baby. All this, despite the fact that women make up 50% of the workforce, and up to 85% will become mothers during their careers." In Germany specifically, the aftermath of the East and West separation is still affecting women’s' labor participation rate statistics, where the former was more equal and inclusive of women in the workforce, while the latter still recovering from decades that propagated the „KKK“ (Kinder, Küche, Kirche literally translating to: "Children, Kitchen, Church").

I decided, health permitting, to forego the maternity protection 6 weeks prescribed by the German regulation prior to my due date and only take 8 weeks after her birth. We organised an au pair to join us pretty much straight away, set up to work from home both for me, as my team is based internationally, and my husband whenever possible (he is a founder). And cancelled all other commitments. 

Never ever have I ever been so nervous about pressing the "send" button on an email than when I drafted my announcement to my management as a "Private update - FYOkay" in the subject line, stating the facts and the dates, my plan on how I propose to manage my 8 week of absence and reinstating how important this role, our organisation and my career are for me. The time stood still. 

To my relief, the response was overwhelmingly positive and supportive. But unfortunately, due to either the depth into which the cliches grow with their roots, or the sensitivity of my character, or preference for personal privacy, this was not a full consolation and the questions on the inclusion did not evaporate.

I want to share some points, which I felt could be important cultural breaking points on treating pregnant people in the workplace to make them feel included, especially if you are a similar personality to mine:

• Do not initiate the conversation about the pregnancy, unless the person brings it up first. Congratulating (especially when you have never talked to this person on other occasions) or asking accompanied questions can feel that one is being singled out and put in a “box”. This sounds pretty rigid, but under most circumstances you are unlikely to mention to a male colleague that you have noticed a change in his physical appearance. Sticking to the professional side of things makes the pregnant person feel that regardless of their private developments they are still seen as a professional and equal to the rest.
• Try to refrain from giving unsolicited advice or sharing your personal story, unless it is asked for. Work place is first and foremost there for work. Some people (like me) prefer to keep their personal lives private and separate at that moment.
• Try to control your reaction if the person chooses to do things differently to what you presume as “normal” for such situation. After all, everyone’s normality and choices are different.
• If you want to be supportive and inclusive, engage with the person on their work mandate, demonstrating interest in their professional projects.
• If you are a leader in your organisation, make sure that the way decisions are made are not disadvantaging pregnant people and parents, including involvement in projects, promotion choices and communication style.

I am very grateful to my wonderful colleagues for their support and would like to quote one of the nicest reflections I heard (from Nigel): “You would want to stop the time and enjoy the moment on so many occasions, but with every new day it just keeps getting better”. Thank you!

I know that all people are different and everyone’s experience varies, but if this resonated and you want to talk about your personal experience – feel free to get in touch!

[Diversidad Pura - Mirta Toledo, 1993]