Sticks and Stones

Do you remember the phrase 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.'

In one way or another I often hear people using this well- known saying, or expressing views consistent with its meaning.

Of course there are people who have experienced the most brutal physical tortures that most of us would see as unbearable and sometimes people who have lived through such experiences express views such as, 'words can never harm you.'

I guess in comparison with the most inhumane physical tortures, being called derogatory names and feeling harmed because people use insensitive, demeaning, abusive language, can appear much less significant.

You could say that the words used don't leave anyone with physical or visible wounds, and that would be true.

But the words used intentionally or unintentionally, can leave you with painful thoughts and feelings. And those thoughts and feelings, can and often do, give rise to emotional wounds and scars which, although not visible to the eye are nevertheless real.

Consider for instance, the impact on the child who is told he is 'no good' just like his mother or father, and will never amount to anything.

Or the sibling who is constantly being negatively compared to her other sibling.

Think about the messages you have received from significant people in your life and the affect they had on you.

Can you even begin to quantify its impact?

The words we hear used to describe us, or in relation to us and others, have a very powerful impact on us, particularly when we are very young. They can colour the way we look at ourselves, people, situations and even communities and countries.

This is the way fear, hatred and discrimination for others is passed on. As you know children are not born with hatred for others, they learn it from the dominant language, attitudes and behaviours in their environment.

Now, you may correctly argue that it's your responsibility to be the gatekeeper for the thoughts you believe to be true and what you will allow into your subconscious mind.

Unfortunately, many people are not aware of this - they are not conscious of what they are allowing into their subconscious...and what I invite you to realise is that from your earliest years (from 0-7 your formative years) you have no capacity to filter out the words and messages you hear. You just accept them because you don't develop the ability to become analytical until you are older.

What you have been exposed to then, from an early age and continue to be exposed to repeatedly throughout your childhood becomes your reality...it becomes the lens from which you see the world.

You view your life then, from the messages or program you have been provided with from your family, caregivers and those who were most influential in your environment throughout your formative years.

But it is more complex than that because as children we are so sensitive to the way our caregivers think, talk, feel and act that you don't even have to be told something negative to begin to believe negative thoughts about yourself.

A facial expression, or words and gestures that are not made, can be enough to signal to a child that they are not loved or loved as much as another.

So you see, words and accompanied actions are very important and their impact can be just as harmful, or more so, than physical chastisement or abuse.

How important is it for a child to hear that you love them, or that they are lovable?

And why is it so imperative that children know they are loved?

Because children like adults want and need to feel wanted, significant, important, valued, appreciated and loved.

Without experiencing these feelings their development is stunted.

It is great that some people can be stoical in the face of derogatory, or discriminatory language, but we are all human and to be human means that we are emotional, or sentient beings and what is a culinary delight to one person is virulent poison to another.

The way I see it if words had no power to harm or inspire, then why does stinging criticism negatively impact on us in the opposite way that sincere praise heartens and uplifts us.

If words had no power then advertisers, copywriters, writers, poets etc. would not exist.

The fact is that we are all influenced by words, or to put it another way, by the emotions the words evoke in us.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words... words convey meaning to you which can be harmful or beneficial.

However, the words that have the greatest impact on us are the words we tell ourselves over and over and over again.

"I can't do that." "Who is going to listen to me?" "I'm not good enough." "If only I could..."

That mental chatter that you may have adopted from the words and actions of others, is now on constant replay in your own head. In a real sense you are being hypnotised by your own words and thoughts

Notice how familiar they may be and notice also that they are negative!

If these are the types of words and thoughts you tell yourself regularly, it's time to change the narrative. It's time to hypnotise yourself with words that inspire and thoughts and actions consistent with what's in your best interests and what you truly desire!