Surrender But Don't Give Yourself Away
Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright
They just seem a little weird
Surrender, surrender
But don't give yourself away
~ Cheap Trick, 1978
We played it over and over. LOUD. I was 15 in some friend's living room whose parents were out for the night. I'd heard it on the radio, but this was different. It got inside me. It got inside all of us, and we danced like crazy. For some of my Gen X brothers and sisters, Cheap Trick's "Surrender" is part of the soundtrack of our growing up. Interesting that it's a song about a Baby Boomer growing up with G.I. Generation parents. I'm a Gen Xer with Baby Boomer sisters and G.I. Generation parents. As a kid I didn't really pay attention to what the song was about, I just knew I liked it. Maybe it resonated with me more than I knew.
I'm worlds away from that teenager whirling about in a friend's living room while blasting Cheap Trick from their parent's stereo. Now there's work, money, kids, dogs, the yard, and a whole host of responsibilities and obligations. Sometimes it feels like too much. Ever feel that way?
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We all handle our overwhelm different ways, and I think there are different flavors of overwhelm. Sometimes we're overcommitted. Sometimes we're stuck. Sometimes it's both. We can get worried, stressed, cranky, and lost in our heads thinking about the future our ruminating about the past. I almost always find myself lost out in a someday, one day future. My brain is trying to figure out how to fix the problems I think I have, or is catastrophizing what "could" happen, or is just wishing things out there would look different. There's a lot of "what if," going on.
There's no answers out there. My brain wants to keep dragging me forward in time, but that time doesn't actually exist, and I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen next. It just seems like it would feel better to know for sure that things are going to work out. Since the primary function of my brain is to keep me alive, it makes sense that it would be searching for some certainty, but that search is in vain. The future can't be figured out, and my life is only happening right now.
In the swirl of overwhelm, or when faced with challenging circumstances there's a natural reaction to fix something. "If I feel like this, there must be a problem. I have to fix it." Cancel some meetings from my schedule, don't answer the phone, change directions, look for an easier path, find someone who can fix it for me, run away, hide, take a nap, but most of the time there's no big problem to fix. I'm just resisting what is, and when I'm resisting everything gets harder and more exhausting.
The only way out is surrender. Surrender to what is. Surrender to this moment. In the awareness of this moment creativity happens. You have choices. When you stop resisting what is and surrender, there's no longer a problem. You're not quitting or waving the white flag, you're stepping fully into the life you have instead of the one you wish for. Change only happens in the present moment, but to get here sometimes you have to surrender.
Surrender, surrender
But don't give yourself away
International Speaker on Mental Well-being in the Workplace | Trainer I speak to corporate leaders and staff about mental health in the workplace so that they can increase employee belonging, engagement, & retention.
9moI, too, am a Gen Xer with Baby Boomer siblings and G.I. Generation parents. I think that's one of the reasons I've struggled with surrendering because I always felt I'd give myself away if I did. This piece is a perfect reminder that I can surrender without giving myself away and be effective in my work, but also in life.
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9moThe way I relate to the word "surrender" is to acknowledge the reality of what's happening rather than fighting it or complaining about it. Then, I realize what choices I have. I'm working on a complicated project right now, and my choice is to dive in, understand it as well as I can, and see what value I can add. Without surrendering to what I signed up for, I might procrastinate.
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9moGreat insight, Bil. I just added that song to my playlist - thanks for the reminder - it's a great one. Similar to Leona Banfield's comment about resisting the word surrender, I have done that with the concept of "good enough." I wish I could say I am a recovering perfectionist but I know I'm nowhere close...yet. The concept of good enough is something I strive to accept these days and I think it's similar to your message about surrendering. The pressure of life is big enough without the added pressure of things not being good enough and always having to be better. We can control much more of our reality than we think simply by adjusting how we think about it and the story we tell ourselves. Yes, let's choose the path of least resistance.
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9moBill love the image of you dancing like crazy! Now we are the weird parents (!)... Is it OK to surrender and wave a white flag? if it's a really small one...?
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9moI’ve always bristled at the term surrender - I’m not one to give up easily. But more recently someone shared it not giving up, its a giving to the situation, circumstance we’re faced with rather that actively resisting or avoiding. Thanks for the read Bill!