The TRUTH is We are Not Very Kind!

Kindness is a concept that has been expressed since Plato talked about it in ancient times. We are no more kind today than we were centuries ago. Kindness is based upon certain norms and practices in society that reflect the basic premise that we need to cooperate and find ways of living together in peace.

Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Research suggests that kindness can positively impact your brain. Individual acts of kindness trigger the release of oxytocin and endorphins and appear to foster the creation of new neural connections. Being kind is a self-reinforcing habit. We crave the feel-good sensation of being kind, so one act of kindness can easily lead to another. And yet we are still not kind.

Kindness can mean different things to different people. The meaning is in how YOU choose to show it. Be it through empathy, acceptance, kind gestures, thoughtfulness, the possibilities are entirely up to you. Kindness might look like being helpful or showing empathy. It may mean doing nice things without expecting nice things in return.

Kindness goes beyond merely being nice. Think about it - would you prefer people to describe you to be "kind" or "nice?" There can be a lack of sincerity in just being nice; there is often a perception of doing the minimum. Whereas being kind is doing intentional, voluntary acts of kindness. Not only when it’s easy to be kind, but when it’s hard to be.

 The evidence today might suggest, however, that we are not very kind. There are many examples, but political divisions are perhaps the clearest. Kindness requires us to try and see others’ perspectives, to be open to different ways of looking at things. There was a time that our elected leaders worked hard at reaching common understanding, shared goals, but most importantly, mutual respect for differing viewpoints. Today, our government is overwhelmingly setting an example of contempt for differences, name calling, one-upmanship and a politicization of each other’s values.

This was clearly demonstrated when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore up the text of President Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech in full public view, her supporters saw defiance of both his policies and his earlier refusal to shake her hand. But her political opponents cried foul, calling it “unbecoming” and “nasty.” This is yet another example of why U.S. citizens of all political stripes agree that politics has become unacceptably unkind.

Kindness is a two-way street, an obligation between two people. It requires each side of an issue to take a step back to see the other’s position. When this fails to happen, people tend to be overly sensitive to apparent incivility from opponents, and often feel free to respond with incivility themselves.

The result is tragic. People across the political spectrum agree that incivility, this lack of kindness, is poisonous. However, rebuilding civility requires people to trust their political opponents and believe they are well-intentioned and willing to reciprocate.

Partisan divides have rendered many Americans nearly incapable of regarding their rivals in so positive a light. Trust might be practically impossible today. At the very least, it is more difficult than many people suppose, because of the human tendency to feel contempt, not compassion, for opponents.

Neither political party is solely at fault for lack of kindness and the culture of bullying that seems pervasive. We now live in a digital age of shallow interaction – email, text message, social media, swipe-left – modes of communication that dilute the humanness of connection. According to a 2018 study, phones and tablets are an increasing source of emotional distress for children, as parents are distracted by devices, or worse, use screen time as a way to avoid social interaction and connection with the real world.

So, have we gone too far, have we lost all kindness in the world and are we condemned to follow paths of self-service and division? As long as there is any spark of kindness remaining in the world there is hope. Individual acts of kindness and consideration make all the difference. There remain opportunities to come together for the common good, for understanding and cooperation.

Be kind, we are all in this together!