Unmasking the Imposter - Part 2

In the first part of this series of 5, I outlined how our imposter can hold us back from our dreams, ambitions and goals. 

The crazy thing is, so many of us invite this imposter in. We give them a seat at the head of the table and feed and entertain them, when really we should be more curious about what’s going on behind the imposter’s mask.

Remember, each of us will experience something different, so my ‘imposter’ isn’t necessarily going to be the same as yours. 

So, it helps to break it down and look at what are often multiple contributing factors - working on it with a coach can be helpful to get awareness on addressing your specific challenge and changes you want to make.

Many of these topics discussed here are interrelated, and maybe you can think of others that apply to you. But ultimately, most of them have an underlying fear, whether conscious or not. 

It’s worth examining what your fears, worries and concerns might be - what's the worst case scenario ?

The common theme for these points might be "Stuck in a Loop" because its often a circular pattern of thinking or behaviour that we need to disrupt...

So what can you do? 

1. Don’t believe everything you think

What are your thinking habits? Many of us have a habit of believing all of our thoughts, all the time. 

“I’m a pretty smart person, so if I think it, then it must be true - I must be right.” 

You might have unhelpful mind chatter like "I’ll be rubbish at that”, “This will be a disaster”, “I’ll make a fool of myself”, “I don’t deserve this job”, "I'm not working hard enough", "I need to be better"...

Here, we need to have a healthy dose of ‘critical thinking’ - getting some objectivity and distance from your unhelpful thoughts, so if you pause and reflect, you can question whether it’s really true or not. 

Using something like ‘The Work’ from Byron Katie, which takes a Cognitive Behavioural approach - we can look at whether or not this thought is true, what’s the real evidence to support it, what’s the opposite of the thought and what more helpful thought can I choose in future? Doing this we are literally creating new ways of thinking for ourselves.

Mindfulness practices or apps can also help here, helping us to get some distance from our thoughts - but may not work for everyone - and also it takes time to build up a practice, like building muscle.

2. What’s your Inner Critic saying? 

We all can recognise our own inner Critic, and its voice can be immensely loud at times. What does yours usually say to you? 

Our inner critic will always find us wanting, and make us feel unworthy or lesser than, unless we can take away some of its power.

Take a minute to picture it…What does it look like? 

Is it a particular person? 

Are the things it’s saying true? 

Would you repeat the things the Critic says to anyone else, or to a small child?

Where does this voice come from? 

When you hear it, what happens? 

What impact does it have on you and the situation you’re in? 

When you notice this voice, what can you do to lessen its impact or bring in some more balanced thinking? 

3. Judgement

If we are judgy about ourselves, this thinking ripples into all our experiences and gives the Critic a stick to beat us with. 

We spend a lot of thought energy and headspace on judging ourselves, others and external events. I often use the car analogy - how much time if you're driving (or cycling) do you spend doing a mental running commentary on how other road users are behaving? Is it helpful? Does it have any impact on the others? What impact does this running commentary have on you?

We may also believe that others are just as judgemental as ourselves, so end up believing they’re thinking badly of us, when really we are just projecting our own thoughts.

Judgement is a useful tool - if you’re crossing the road and wanting to avoid an accident - but it’s not helpful for constantly evaluating all our experiences as good, bad, right or wrong. 

It can be more useful to actively learn how to practice non-judgement,  and just accept “it is what it is” if you make a mistake or trip up. And instead, find ways to learn from the experience, and turn it into a positive.

I recently heard a coaching client say “... this behaviour is making me a bad person”. This thought was going around in her head, and until she said it out loud, she was unaware of it.

That’s a really powerful and challenging judgement about yourself, and worth getting curious about. 

Shirzad Chamine in his Positive Intelligence book refers to it as the difference between discernment and judgement (we are often judge, jury & executioner!)

“There is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” Hamlet, William Shakespeare

4. Thinking Smarter

For those of us who pride ourselves on our cognitive skills and problem solving, we might place huge value on being very cerebral and “heady”, wanting to think our way out of situations. 

The trouble is, when we find things challenging, we can’t solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them in the first place. 

But we can often be ‘hyper-rational’ and only pay attention to what’s in our heads.

It’s now well established that much of our experience and state of mind is not only based on our thoughts, but also the ‘brain in the gut’, the microbiome and our whole nervous system, which is influenced by diet, exercise, stress and so on.

The reason we notice our discomfort is because of how we feel in our bodies, in our felt sense, so it’s worth experimenting with using our other forms of intelligence and equally valuable data to give us a fuller picture - our emotions, feelings, physical sensations, intuition, awareness.

Take the time to disrupt your own thinking and notice what’s going on in the rest of you, below the neck! Notice when physical discomfort, tension or even pain is giving you alarm signals - such as discomfort in the tummy, tight shoulders, clenched jaw... what are these signals telling you about your thinking and whether it's helpful or not?

So when faced with discomfort that we associate with the Imposter, can we pay more attention to the physical feelings and see what they might be telling us, rather than trying to escape the discomfort?

5. Doing the Time Warp

Sometimes we can find ourselves acting like we’re stuck in a time warp, back in some past version of ourselves. 

Perhaps a situation we find challenging automatically reminds us of being a small child in school being scolded for something, or being a fresher with no experience in their first job. 

Back then we could accurately say that we didn’t know very much, but it's important to acknowledge that all of our experiences (particularly strongly felt ones) can stay with us, and in the here and now can show up and can trigger us to respond in unhelpful ways. 

So just notice the part of you that might find a situation difficult, and remind yourself of how far you’ve come in the meantime. 

An example of this is my client, Sara*. Sara started many years previously in a big company as a personal assistant - and had now worked her way up to senior management. 

Even still Sara sometimes found herself trapped in the mindset of her younger self; doubting whether her opinion matters, worried about making mistakes, or worried that she appeared not to know what she’s doing - all contributing to her feeling like an imposter, that she could never be good enough as a leader.

This impacted massively on her as she was making unfounded assumptions about what her people expected of her, rather than asking the questions to get clarity on how they wanted to be supported. 

Once she realised this, Sara heaved a huge sigh of relief to know where it was coming from, that her team members didn’t expect her to move mountains on their behalf, and to acknowledge all that she had learned since her junior days.

So here I've shared a few ways that the imposter might be showing up for you .... and how you can tackle it... and there'll be more to come in the next couple of weeks.

Does any of this resonate with you? Feel free to comment, ask a question or share your experience… 

*Name changed for confidentiality.