Values Series- The Story of My Core Values

A recent post on Core Values and the ensuing discussion with Ashok Kumar excited my writing genie into churning out this long form article. She does not get excited normally, to write long form articles. So I am relieved that she is in this state and grabbed the opportunity.

In a comment ( and there were many) Ashok Kumar mentioned, “The journey seeks to unlearn and peel off that which does not belong. The more the conditioning, the more difficult the process. It is extremely easy to write on a blank slate. All the more difficult on something that is filled up. One must empty the cup if it is to be filled with substance”

That is so true with one’s values. I would like to explore my journey in identifying and living my values . I am sure some of you may think this is an ego trip. I find it easier to conceptualise this practically with my own experience than exploring this in theory. It is because I have a simple brain.

As a child, I was brought up in a household that believed in the Gandhian principles. That meant simple living, service and speaking the truth. These are values that were instilled in myself. To this day some of this lingers. I feel very guilty if I embark on something which will only fulfill my wants or is even faintly luxurious. I have to convince myself that is the right thing to do, before I do it. It can be quite a pain at times. The simple living part has evolved for me to suit the circumstances I found myself. The service orientation and speaking the truth is very much part of my core values to this day, five decades on.

As I was growing up, I had a role model from whom, I have picked up a core value. My grandmother. She were very vocal when justice was not served and would vigorously defend it, in all what she did. I too followed in her footsteps, and became the conscience of the organsiation I worked for. This developed over the years. Initially I was shy and would not speak out much. But, as I grew in confidence, this came naturally to me, to speak out about what I saw as questionable or dodgey behaviour. So much so, that I did get up many people’s nose including my bosses. It did get me in hot water many times. But I have no regret that I adopted this value. We could call it a blossoming value as it was dormant for some years, before it bloomed.

Another value, that I espoused is transparency. This I have no idea,where it came from but it just popped up as I scaled the corporate ladder. I have tried to recollect, when this became important for me, but nothing comes to mind. This was another core value that got me in trouble but I have no regrets that it is my core value.

Looking at myself, right now, the core values, that I have the courage to stand up for are:

Speaking the truth

Service orientation

Transparency

So what has happened to the “being the conscience of the organisation”?

For starters, a startup is not big and I need to speak to myself, as I am on my own, now the application development is over. When I held a leadership position in a big organisation, I could influence people when I spoke out and role modelled. Since, departing that position, I am sure, whatever I stood for, is long forgotten and new leaders are setting the tone for behaviour. Such is the natural flow of organisational evolution.

A few years ago, I became a trained executive coach. This instilled in me, that individuals don’t change, unless they want to and they have the innate ability to find the right solutions for themselves.Though my ego was a bit bruised, I realised the folly in my ways. Now I realise the truth of Rumi’s quote “Yesterday I was clever I wanted to change the world, Today I am wise, I am changing myself”

So how did I change myself?

I rarely tell anyone (except my husband) that they need to modify behaviour or what is acceptable. I am getting better at being an observer of human behaviour. I write about human behaviour and I ask questions. I engage with people objectively picking out what resonates with me. Try to tone down my quick comebacks. ( That I find is the hardest). I present what I think might benefit others in #Subifaculty summaries.I know that folk will find out that for themselves, what goes around does come around. I believe I have described the aging process…...becoming more patient and tolerant.

Do we pick up brand new core values? I think we do. Patience and tolerance were not part of my repertoire of values before. I think they were lurking inside and now it feels comfortable to let them out.

At the course I did on Authentic Leadership in Harvard, finding out our values were a big part of the program. For me it was easy at the time. For others, it was a journey of painful discovery, where people were encouraged to revisit crucibles in life, to identify what their core values were. What I learned from the course was to dig deeper to know thyself and to sit back at times and observe where our soul takes us.

Where to with my values?

I think the three listed above will be the core values for the rest of my life. These three can be lived without having an expectation to change others. I laugh at myself, when I think how diligently, I went about trying to change others. On hindsight, there was a need for it in my previous life though I doubt it had lasting implications. Patience and tolerance have been added on to this list now.

Will add one other values as I grow older and hopefully wiser. But it will be digging out something that has been dormant for many years. It is indeed a cycle of emptying and refilling until one is happy with what is in our cups.

What are the conclusion I have reached?

While it was a whole lot of fun letting the writing genie loose, I have to think about a decent ending to this article. After some contemplation, here are some points for us to ponder over.

Everyone has values.

Some instilled, some discovered, some picked up from others and others that emerge.

How far we live our values will depends on each individual's brand of courage. 

Values change as we travel through life

Knowing our core values are fundamental in knowing ourselves.

Crucibles help establish core values and how far you are able to live them.

It is fine to question instilled values and weed them out if they do not serve us well.

I hope my story will help you to travel the road on introspection.

What values were instilled in yourself?

What values did you pick along the way?

What values manifested itself?

What values did you discover?

What values have changed over time?

How far will you go to live your values?

I wish you all the very best in knowing yourself. This is fundamental for empowerment and bringing out the best in yourself.

I close by thanking Ashok Kumar once again for getting my writing genie excited with his wise words.

Copyright 2018 - Subi Nanthivarman.