Want better? Always start with this

When Blair hired me ten years ago, he said: “My clients average net worth is $1-3m and I want to get that to $5m by the end of the year. Can you help me?” I asked him what type of person he needed to be so that he could achieve such different results and he said: “I need to go increasingly upmarket. I need to focus on bigger opportunities.”

Once he was clear about his new identity, he committed to making five asks per week for opportunities in the $5m+ market. His success came because he was consistent about this week0in and week-out and, happily, by year-end he reached his goal. 

When I called him seven years later, his average client was worth $50m. He explained, “Honestly, it was a progressive evolution where I went from focusing on anything to then >$3m to >$5m, etc. With your help, I continued to develop my skillset and decided to focus on the UHNW (>$10m) where my skillset resonates.”

What Blair did was to start his goal where we all need to begin: with identity (how you see yourself). Einstein was the one who said you can’t solve a problem (i.e., expect new and better results) with the same level of thinking that created it. You have to use a higher level of thinking and see yourself as becoming a different person (which you are perfectly capable of).

All change starts with thought which determines your feelings which determine your actions which determine your results.

Before you can have something, first you must BE something.

Question 1 = What type of person do you want to be this year?

a)    Brainstorm a list first.

Think about character traits such as bold, consistent at prospecting, focused, resourceful, or confident. One of my favourites is not surprisingly ‘willing to ask anyone for anything’.

b)   Then pick no more than two to focus on first otherwise you are chasing too many rabbits and it will dilute your outcomes.

c)    You can always revisit your list and make a change if you feel confident that one identity has been addressed or something else has become more important to you. I found that as my confidence grew, I was willing to take on loftier identities.

d)   I URGE you to always start with the word “INCREASINGLY”.

Your brain must buy into the change you are making. If you have an ambitious identity that is not very close to your current reality, your brain will be quick to talk you out of what you’re trying to change. This is the main reason new year’s resolutions fail so soon. If you struggle to run a mile but decide you want to become someone who is an ‘Ironman athlete’, you must precede your new identity with ‘increasingly’. That way, even when you make small incremental changes, you can tell yourself you are on your way – however long it may take you.

e)   Word it positively and in the present tense. Instead of ‘stop procrastinating’ or ‘stop over-thinking’ write ‘I AM increasingly quick to act’.

Other useful questions to help you decide your two identities:

What do you most want and what’s your biggest obstacle?

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Which area of your life is causing you the most pain and how can you step up?

e.g., Inconsistency

Your ability to focus on money-making priorities

You are too hard on yourself

Your sense of worthiness for much bigger success

You doubt your abilities to achieve great success

e.g., FEAR of:

Failure

Not being good enough

Not looking good

Rejection/Being criticized/Getting hurt

Imagined responsibilities of bigger success – that it will require too much work, too much sacrifice, a hidden cost, it must be done all by yourself, or must be done perfectly…so we talk ourselves out of going bigger by telling ourselves we won’t be able to cope. This is where you want to think about specific people who have handled it.

Easy Start: List out some answers to this question first: Who do you NOT want to be in the next 6 months? Then reverse them into the opposite quality that you can increasingly become.

Lasting change comes from a paradigm shift:

What do I mean? The real purpose to these questions is to uncover that how you see yourself is probably your biggest obstacle. Addressing this includes identifying and facing down some fear. It includes changing a way of how you label or look at yourself that currently does not empower you to grow and breakthrough.

Your destination is to change how you see yourself, to change your identity, and move away from your old labels of “I am the type of person who isn’t…” to “I am an increasingly healthy/focused person,” or “I am an increasingly effective and consistent prospector.” Remember: since the turn of this century because of fMRI technology, neuroscientists have been able to physically see neural pathway change - your brain has plasticity so it can change whatever your age; it just may take longer for something more engrained. If you embrace this process and back it up with consistent activity, the shift you make is: “I am the type of person who can change.” It’s pretty amazing.

Have some fun with this. It’s the best place to start…

To your vision!

Matt

Copyright Matt Anderson, 2022