What Is Going On?

Emotions are good...sometimes.

Gratitude, optimism, hopefulness, happiness. These emotions are usually helpful for both the giver and the receiver.

These emotions promote good things and allow the person experiencing the emotion to benefit in a variety of ways. If you feel grateful, everything feels better and you will typically make greater decisions in a state of gratitude.

In a state of gratitude, not only will you make better decisions, but there is also no room for negative emotions. Try moving yourself into a state of gratitude and being angry at the same time. You can't do it.

When you are optimistic, confident, and grateful, you will typically also be more objective in your decision-making process. You will be more patient, more thoughtful, more considerate of others impacted by your decisions, and consequently more reasonable.

One of the biggest challenges in our world today is that we seem to be making more of our decisions in the two worst emotional states available to us

Fear and anger

There is so much uncertainty and division in the air today that it's suffocating. Uncertainty creates anxiety and anxiety creates either fear or anger or both.

When you make decisions in a state of fear or when you are angry, those decisions are universally bad. They are also imbalanced, unfair, and inconsiderate. Progress is then stalled and the fear and anger become amplified.

This begins a vicious cycle that loops and gains momentum until it's almost impossible to stop. Feelings get hurt, you start to personalize things that are not personal and arguments ensue. Sides are taken and we end up unable to communicate civilly and then...progress is impossible

Another victim of fear and anger is common sense. No matter what side of the political landscape you are on, you can't make progress without common sense.

What is happening now is people are getting scared and angry, not stepping back to regain objectivity, and taking positions that are offensive, mean, inconsiderate, and harmful.

We have to take a hard look at this reality and ask ourselves what can be done to slow down and eventually reverse this shameful trend.

If we don't, we could see further unrest and possibly civil war at some point. I've been on the earth for 60 years and I've never seen anything like it

So what is the solution? How do we get back to civil discourse and stop dividing each other into groups?

Like my dad likes to say...it's simple. it's not easy but it's simple

I have 3 complimentary suggestions, all of which would make major strides in the battle back to civility. Combined together they are a collective game changer. But we need to start doing these things right away because so much damage has occurred already, we need to start turning the ship NOW

1. Pause
2. Question
3. Enforce

PAUSE

My dad was a fighter pilot and commercial pilot for 40 years. When we were kids he used to tell us about how so many fighters and widebodies went down because of pilot error and that most of those errors were generated by fear.

This conversation was such a cornerstone of my upbringing and formed my communication style and my decision-making process

He would say, "Mark, what's the first thing you do when an engine catches on fire??

Pause (pun intended)...

"Nothing"

When fear and anger present themselves, the first and best response is nothing. Do nothing, say nothing. This pause might be one second, one minute, or one day, but you must give yourself the opportunity to regain some semblance of objectivity, park the fear and anger so your instincts, training, and experience can take over.

Don't hit send on that email for 24 hours (then you won't send 90% of them)

Don't react to a personal insult from someone you've never met and may never meet again

Don't punch the guy that whistled at your girlfriend...

Like any other habit, good or bad, it takes time to develop this habit and even more time to turn it into an instinct. But with practice, I have developed an instinct to pause in the face of fear and anger. I'm not perfect (I'm pretty sure that's impossible), but I am very consistently able to check myself when these emotions are thrust upon me.

This always enables me to make better decisions.

The other thing that pausing brings to an engagement is context.

We consistently never get all the information we need to accurately assess a problem or a challenge in the first pass. There is always more footage, more audio, more witnesses, and more explanation, as time elapses. Always.

When we respond instantly, when we don't pause, we rob ourselves of the opportunity for this context. We make emotional decisions based on either missing information or misinformation

The absence of this skill might be the cause of most of the incivility that exists today.

The next time something or someone pisses you off or scares you...pause.

QUESTION

Why do we blindly accept the statements, opinions, and noise perpetuated by people in positions of power and celebrity?

Just because you can act like someone else and make tons of money doing it, why would I believe you know anything about the environment, immigration, or taxes. As a matter of irony, doesn't good acting support your capabilities as a liar and faker?

There is so much contradictory opinion, stats, and "science" out there that any rational objective person would have to step back and say "hey wait a minute if I care about this and want to be in a position to discuss it, I need to look into this shit"

When my kids were young and I was running in and out of doctor's offices, hospitals, and emergency rooms, I made credentialed people in scrubs pause and answer my questions all the time. "With all due respect doc...what are you doing? Why? What alternative procedures are available? What are the risks?

I did this with teachers, school officials, coaches...everyone. If you really want to know what the truth is (or get as close to the truth as possible) you need to question EVERYTHING

In the business world, I've bumped up against the policy monsters my whole career. People who love to default to "That's the way we have to do it", "That's how we've always done it", or "That's the rule"

Really. How about "Is this the most effective way to do this?", "When is the last time we revisited this process in the context of technical innovation or progress?", or just "Why?"

"Why" and "What does that mean" are two of my favorite questions.

People who are in positions of power and influence are not necessarily worth listening to in any area outside their one specific area of expertise. They might be...but not necessarily so.

Why should I care what an actor says about the climate when he goes to climate conferences in a private jet?

Why should I listen to a basketball player talk about racism when he collects the lion's share of his endorsement money on the backs of slaves?

Why should I listen to the moron telling me to wear a mask and take a shot when he isn't even a virologist and sits on the board of a pharmaceutical company?

The logic behind questioning is solid. The people telling us what to do, how to act, what to think, and where we can go are all flawed humans, just like you and me. Don't ever lose sight of this. Celebrity and fame are enticing, but they are not an indicator of wisdom.

Pause...and question everything

ENFORCE

Why have so many people been able to do so many bad things and not been held accountable?

Although I am not a process for process sake guy, I am a rule of law guy and I believe we should all be held accountable to the same standards/rules/laws.

I'm not naive. I know that money and power can buy influence. That's not what I'm talking about. Moving those levers toward more justice for all is a lifelong pursuit, never to be mastered.

I'm talking about treating different groups of people differently, simply because they look a certain way, come from a particular culture, vote for a particular politician or practice a certain religion.

When people vandalize and destroy property and are caught on camera, why are they not arrested? When politicians are proven to have lied to Congress or the FBI, why do those memories fade without repercussion?

Part of the reason that people are more afraid and angrier than ever is that the bad guys aren't getting punished.

The other horrible thing that is happening is that we are sentencing people before they are being tried and people are being tried in the court of public opinion in some cases without even evidence that a crime was committed

Outrage is not a substitute for the rule of law and laws are irrelevant without enforcement and accountability.

I recognize that this is an oversimplification of, in some cases, very complex and nuanced issues.

Civil dialogue laced with gratitude and kindness will work

As the Good Lord says, treat others as you would like to be treated

Pause and take a breath

Question everything and everyone

Hold yourself accountable and support the accountability of others

If we can start doing more of these three things I think we can move the ball a little

Peace

Mark