What's Love Got To Do With It?

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.” ~ Henri Nouwen, Dutch Theologian

Tina Turner sang “What’s love got to do with it?” Short answer? Simply, everything.

I’m not talking about romantic love. I’m referring to the love that is present as a consequence of realizing that literally everything is connected. Another word for this is compassion. In times of busyness and conflict it’s easy to dismiss and forget that connection is a universal truth. In times of conflict it’s common to experience emotions other than compassion. Anger, frustration, defensiveness, and righteousness are only some of what we and others likely experience in such times. When we’re involved in a conflict situation with another it’s common to want to be right and to be in control. These are two of the surest ways to ensure that ill-will and resentment will be part of any resolution.

We, each of us, have views of the world and what we call reality that differ from everyone else’s. We have arrived at a conclusion about what is going on and so have they. It’s useful to remember that all conflicts are conflicts of competing conclusions. There will always be differences. Doing what you can to minimize the likelihood of these differences becoming the focus rather than the mutually desired outcome is why, as a leader, you want to be able to approach any situation with the thought of leaving the other with the experience of uplift.

Do they feel validated and understood or do they feel wrong and judged? This is not the same as you agreeing with them. It’s simply the acknowledgment that their view of reality is valid from their current point of view. This a loving thing to do. It values their world view without sacrificing yours. And, it fosters the development of trust in the sense that they experience they are held in regard and not being made wrong by you. As the late Zig Ziglar once said, “If people like you, they'll listen to you, but if they trust you, they'll do business with you.”

Using inclusive language (words like "and", "we", "us", "our") will go a long way to reinforcing that your intent is co-creation. Make no mistake, disagreements occur. Friction and tension exist. Of that there is no question. The beauty of friction is that it's a prerequisite for movement because it produces both heat and light. Used well, the tension and the resulting friction experienced in the midst of disagreements can illuminate and can often result in innovative solutions. The beauty of friction is that it's a prerequisite for movement because it produces both heat and light. Learn to love it and your leadership effectiveness will definitely be enhanced.

This week be sure to keep a modicum of love present – for yourself and for them – it’s how you maintain connection.

To master anything, we must first master ourselves—our emotions, our thoughts, our actions. In times of uncertainty and disorder, self-discipline and self-mastery are not just essential but are your competitive advantage.

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