When Life Gets Noisy... 15 Prompts to Harness the Power of the Pause

I don't know if you noticed it, but the pace of life just picked up. Summer is over(ish), kids' activities are filling the calendar, and there are more and more demands on your time. New projects at work. Opportunities to volunteer. Just a lot of things that we're encouraged to say YES to. 

Noise. It's all gotten louder. 

When the noise is deafening, we jump into reactive mode, trying to juggle everything thrown at us. Overwhelm. Stressed out. Anxiety. Exhaustion. Burnout. Chaos.

When I was a mortgage originator, I worked at a very fast pace best described as addictive. It was a drug. I got used to reacting in the moment, to the moment, and it felt like everything was a crisis. If there wasn't a crisis I was fixing, I was averting it. Frankly, the pace got in my blood and it's mistakenly where I found my value. 

What I realized... it's not sustainable.

You may find yourself in this place right now... going Mach 10 with your hair on fire just trying to keep up with 'all the things'.

Is it sustainable? Nope.

Listen... whether you admit it or not, you have plenty of opportunities to slow it down, take a breath, say NO instead of yes, and bring more of a rhythm to your life. But how do we harness those moments to respond rather than react to the chaos?

One of the quotes that lives rent free in my head is by Viktor Frankl:

If you were to describe this as an equation, it would be S(_)R. Sometimes it might even look like this: RS(_) where you react even before the stimulus shows up! 

The goal is to expand that space as much as we can, giving ourselves time to harness the power of the pause.

So instead of it being this:

S(_)R

It looks like this:

S(____________________________)R

Most of us skip the slow-it-down-and-realize-the-power-in-this-space part because when we come face to face with that moment, there are so many things we're considering, and we're pressured to the point of reacting instead of responding. 

I started asking myself, what lives in this space?

In the space between stimulus and response, we:

• fear disappointing other people
• are people pleasers
• feel guilty when we say no
• want to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions
• overestimate our capacity
• are in perpetual crisis mode
• lack clear boundaries
• have a strong desire to be helpful at the cost of our own priorities
• find value in being needed
• slide into perfectionism
• succumb to cultural expectations
• have unclear priorities
• fall into an automatic response
• want to avoid feeling FOMO

If you've ever thought "If I don't do it, it won't get done." "What will they think of me if I say no?" "It's just easier if I do it myself." "I'll feel guilty if I say no." "I'm a helper... why wouldn't I say yes?!" "I won't be considered a team player if I decline." then you're stuck in this space.

THIS is the moment we need to get really clear about because when we get caught up in the demands, expectations, thoughts, and emotions of the moment, we put our own priorities on the backburner and say YES to things that don't align.

Slow this moment down. Do a reality check, get honest with yourself, and make a thoughtful, purpose-driven, priority-aligned response. 

Let's work through it with an example... A few years ago, I said yes to a presentation that, in hindsight, I should've said NO to. In reflecting on it now, there were lots of internal factors that caused that yes. 

1. I had a lack of clear boundaries.
2. I was living in a place of scarcity and was afraid that if I said no, no more opportunities would come my way.
3. I was choosing to make money instead of making sure this was an environment where I could do my best work. 
4. I didn't want to disappoint the event coordinator because she was such a nice person and I really wanted to help her out. 
5. The date on my calendar was open... why wouldn't I do it?
6. I could say that I spoke in another state... isn't that what event planners are looking for?

To top it all off, I said yes during the initial call! The response nearly came before the stimulus! Looking back, I was going to say YES before I even got on that call. I didn't take the opportunity to do a gut check by expanding the time between her request and my response.

I KNEW I should've said no but was ignoring every bell, whistle, and red flag my body was trying to alert me with. I reacted instead of responding thoughtfully with my purpose and priorities in mind.

When we don't take the time to reality check and pay attention to our thoughts, fears, feelings, values, beliefs, priorities, and purpose, we end up making the wrong choice. 

Hello stress, overwhelm, resentment, exhaustion, and chaos! 

So how can we get better at responding rather than reacting? Here are a few questions to slow it down and do a reality check: 

1. What is my immediate reaction to this request? How does my body feel when I think about saying yes?
2. Why do I feel inclined to say yes? What specific thoughts, emotions, or beliefs are driving this decision?
3. What fears come up when I consider saying no? Are they realistic or exaggerated?
4. What self-limiting belief might be influencing my decision? What do these beliefs come from and are they true?
5. What values or principles guide my decision-making process? Am I acting in accordance with these values by saying yes?
6. How does this align with my current goals and priorities? What might I sacrifice when saying yes?
7. Do I have the capacity to take this on without compromising my other commitments? What might I need to let go of to make room for this?
8. What are my boundaries and am I honoring them by saying yes? What does it look like for me to maintain healthy boundaries?
9. What alternatives can I suggest that might help without overcommitting myself? How can I offer support in a way that respects my limits?
10. Am I leaning towards yes to avoid conflict or disappointing someone? What is the worst thing that could happen if I say no?
11. What are the potential consequences or results of saying yes? How will this impact my schedule, energy, and well-being?
12. Am I trying to be helpful or am I people-pleasing? How do I differentiate between the two in this situation?
13. Am I assuming responsibility for something that isn't mine? Whose responsibility is this really?
14. How will I feel about this decision tomorrow, next week, or next month? Will saying yes cause regret or resentment later on?
15. How would I advise a colleague in this situation? Can I apply that same advice to myself?

Reduce the overwhelm. Turn down the noise. Harness the power of the pause. Make it a practice.

You are worth taking the time to put together a thoughtful, purpose-driven, priority-aligned response.

Get a PDF resource of these prompts by messaging me or email me at Lisa@FullThrottleLiving.com.

Want to see a fun video about someone who has found a unique way to expand the space between stimulus and response? Here it is.

If you like this content and concept, I share more in my Braver Together Community. Come check it out!