“Who Will Cry When You Die?” A Good Question!!

1974: A Hot Afternoon & SOS Call. I was young & flaunted my self-assumed goodness because I was 21, with a President’s Commission, on a warship, where my commanding officer trusted my audacity. On a Sunday afternoon, on the ship's paging system, I heard a SOS call for a blood donor for an operation underway. Sunday sloth and arrogance dominated my mind, I took over an hour to reach the hospital to be told curtly the requirement has been met. I was beaten by my 45 years’ young boss, Commander Heathwood Johnson (later a Vice Admiral). He used to thrash me in squash also but this defeat of just walking to a blood bank was an insult. Since that tight slap, every time, I had a moment to be happy, it was celebrated by a visit to a blood bank. My twice yearly trips to home at Srinagar, had a pit stop at International Red Cross Blood Bank at the Parliament Street Delhi where I will donate blood. I will hand over the “coupon” to an anxious needy in the waiting room, never daring to see them in the eye & walk off light as a feather. I would feel the flood of their good wishes caressing my back. I did not mind being retired at 65 years, but it hurt me badly because I became ineligible to donate blood anymore in spite of my good health. That was a reminder that I have grown chronologically. I can’t stop the clock. This was closure of a chapter of 45 years. My last three donations in 65th year, as below, are now trophies for me.

2000: A Family of Four Donors. As the years add, the space for a father in the family shrinks as the children become thinking & deciding adults. This is good news but needs embracing efforts from dads whilst mothers beam & wait for this moment in anticipation !! Dinner discussions become deliberate and decisive. One cannot feign being attentive when you are asked, “Did you hear the point I made?” & you can’t afford to say “No” nor give a tentative response. In one such post prandial coffee, my daughter placed four forms to pledge the organs & the cadaver. It was the proof that we have now more than one decision maker in our home. And that was a grand decision. It costs nothing. There is an initial cringe. Little hesitation, little push and the tipping point is crossed easily.

It’s a matter of pride for Jains community of India who constitute just 0.40% of the population of India yet account for 90% of the eyes donation. Let’s salute Jains of India.

2012: Working with Harshita Ahluwalia & Christopher. After return from setting up TCS Seven Hills in Cincinnati, a 225 acres’ software development near-site campus in USA, I was cruising BAU at Mumbai at NKP location. A question stumbled upon us: How we can make the lunch time productive? In a jiffy it was arrived at, we will lunch with security guards, janitors and chambermaids (over 50 of them during afternoon shift change for a site of 5000 associates in 9 floors, half a million sq. ft.). During this lunch, these humble men & women from Tier 3 cities, with native dialects, will be taught English. The best part was that after six weeks, at the graduation ceremony, 23 of them gave their Graduation Speech in English. The force behind this engagement was that we give our time & energy during working hours, setting aside our weekends free! As this program was going well, more associates joined in, we had a wait list for the volunteers! The best surprise came, when these chambermaids, in late 40s and even 50s, one day stormed at my desk at 8th floor, and said,” Thank you for doing this for us. Now take our daughters in this course too!” Here was the wisdom of the mothers.

2013: Inspired by young TCS Ms. Akshaya’s e-mail. “Those interested please join 1100 Sunday Kensington 8th floor, TCS, Powai.” This was an ask to huddle over a Sunday, commit your time & energy to the teenagers at Victoria Memorial School for the Blind; teach & groom them to clear 10th, help them proceed to junior college. Join only if you are willing to give your weekends consistently. Not as a tourist with pictures for the Facebook. Since that day, in 2013, it has been nonstop every Saturday-Sunday, till date, except for the lockdown. The sight impaired students have shown a learning curve that is impossible to believe.

Most powerful memory is that of a young one who always waits for me before others. I find him every visit, standing next to a giant window, “looking out”, feeling the breeze on his face and immersed with the sounds & noise of the street below.

What I learnt from them is: They have an impaired sight but a wonderful vision.

2015: Stepping in My Daughter’s Big Shoes. Our daughter who was staying with us, proceeded overseas for her assignment. On her birthday, she messaged me to hand over books, stationery and sweets to an underprivileged school at Kidwai Nagar, next to Deonar Dump, Asia’s largest waste dump, reeking with methane gas, flames & huge slums. She was connected with the last mile of our society. Since that day, this school, "Gyan Saathi" has become my “alma mater”. Teaching English, Physics, Life Sciences & mentoring these youths on Ethics has become an addiction due to the love one gets. May 2020 from a class of 15 students, 13 graduated the Secondary Boards! Yes 87% graduated! Now next batch of 20 is ready to crack the boards in May 2021. God Bless them, Good Luck to all.

2016: Ms. Mamta Asthana caught me loafing at 10 PM. I was busy doing street photography in the nearby localities, when I heard my name loudly. I see a colleague from TCS whom I had not met for 10 yrs due to overseas assignments was calling me. Straight away she tells me, "Join me this Sunday 10 AM and see if you can teach the students whose humble parents can’t teach their kids". We were just 8 kids to start and in next 6 months we ramped the huddle to 96 students in a small room !! Sunday Science School. No Curriculum, no syllabus, no agenda. As we huddled with no agenda, the discussion thread develops, as steered by the children. From insects, genetics, to wind, to tides, to astronomical bodies to Big Bang theory to pulleys, oceans, “blue tooth”, microwaves, to being a CIO, CFO, COO, CEO. The amazing part was girls chose to be CIOs and boys chose to be CFO, COO!

Kerala Aug 2018 Man Made Disaster of Floods. Past 65, no institution wants you as a volunteer as you are deemed a liability. Airports washed off, took a train, 1600 KM, made friends with local cops, who forced a NGO to accept me as a volunteer. Joined a troop of 35 ladies who were carpenters, welders, electricians, plumbers, they will fix anything. These ladies were part of Prajwala, mentored and trained by Dr Sunitha Krishnan, who has rescued 20,000+ ladies from sexual slavery. Watching these 35 work, their tenacity, competitive willingness to ask for the hardest task, their collaboration spirit, was a lesson for the life ahead.

We slept in churches, cooked by the roadside, preserved each other’s energy. I heard them say,” We thought you will be here for a day, to take pictures and disappear.” My acceptance by them as an equal and elder was a trophy for me. Having gone thru hell, they trusted me. I saw those who were destroyed by the society, were the first to reach the DZ and start building the homes, the Nation. We had a very emotional parting, filled with affection, here is a glimpse, a short video.

Year End December 2020: A letter from United Ways. We are ordinary people, live short, simple lives. Often, there is an impulse to take a break, indulge and have fun. Do we have an appetite for fun for 24x7 or fun is a short sweet desert that we need once in a while to count our blessings? What is fun? Whilst we have fun, how can we add a bit of hope, sense of belonging and aspirations in the lives of the less privileged? The quandary was smashed by a letter in the mail box. This dawned upon me that I was never alone in my efforts! I was being trusted by many!!! There are good people around us who urge us to step out & “Just Do It!” This certificate was a wonderful source of energy, support, empathy, joy and fulfillment. The faces of the donors for my campaign who pooled in more than Half a Million Rupees for me on one hand, and beaming eyes of the students of "Gyan Saathi"on the other, added zing to my commitment.

2021: Joining 2 Colleges. Excited & happy, I jumped up & added 2 more initiatives to mentor youths who are doing BA & BSc in two colleges. More fun!!

Looking back, it seems it is easy to step out, engage, stay consistent, embrace the opportunities that keep tossing up, by the hour every day. Keep the approach simple but consistent. Be patient. This seems to have worked for me.

Who Will Cry When I Die? I still do not have the answer & that can wait.

Post Script. My daughter & son in their 4th decade are here on this platform. This narrative has been reviewed and edited by my daughter as my indirect appeal to her to have my acts validated by my family.

Wishing you heaps of fun working with & for others. The underprivileged wait for us. And we must connect with them.

Anil Bakshi, Mumbai. India