Who is the real loser when parents are aggressive or abusive towards teachers?

I recently did an interview with Lucy Breaden on ABC Hobart Drive time to discuss the findings in a recent report stating 84% of teachers have experienced offensive or aggressive behaviour from parents or students.

We looked at the impact of this offensive behaviour on the relationship between the teacher and the parent and their child’s educational experience. We explored who really misses out in this instance and what we can do about it in the future. Some answers may surprise you.

Lucy Breaden:

... And it's time to talk to mums and dads, to grandparents, to anyone who's got some youngsters in their life, whether they are little kids in primary school, or maybe teens in high school or college or university who are battling their way through trying to do their best. But what happens when your parents get involved? When mum and dad step in? There has been some new research and it shows that 84% of teachers have experienced some form of offensive or aggressive behaviour from parents or students. That figure really knocked me for six. Jill Sweatman is an early learning specialist and is here to tell you, if you're a mum or dad, or maybe know someone who is, how to calm down and have a conversation with your children and your kids' teachers when things maybe get a little hot under the collar. Hello Jill.

Now did this figure, this 84% figure of teachers who have experienced some form of argy-bargy from parents or students, surprise you?

Jill Sweatman:

Yes, it did, and I've been on the receiving end of that, as well. I don't think too many teachers would go through their career without having had at least something levelled at them, depending on the degree, of course.

But Lucy, what saddens me most is that it's the child who ultimately suffers as a result of this. The focus of the family for parents is to have a child so that they can develop a lifelong desire to learn, to be respectful and to create an environment where learning occurs. I always feel that when parents get involved, and as you said, especially when they're 'hot under the collar', that the quality of the conversation that we're having with the teacher or with the school suffers greatly.

Lucy Breaden:

And many parents have probably learnt just how tough it is to be a teacher during the lockdowns we've experienced and all the homeschooling as well, Jill.

Jill Sweatman:

That's true. We have had the opportunity, certainly parents have, to cross the floor and see what it's like from a teacher's perspective. And I'm sure the teachers have had a taste of what it's like for parents at home as well, and the various demands that they have to deal.

I'm often reminded of a story about a famous, early American president who was known to have said his companion, "Please, excuse me, I wish to speak to that gentleman over there. We have previously disagreed with each other and it is clear I need to get to know him better."

Lucy Breadon:

I like that. Yes, understanding both sides of the perspective.

Jill Sweatman:

Absolutely. Teachers are under enormous pressure, whether we are experiencing lockdown, or we could potentially experience lockdown again, and our sister state Victoria is really in strife at the moment. Learning from home is something that we want all our children to enjoy and to engender that feeling of desire and curiosity.

Children pick up and know very well if there's tension in the house, don't they, Lucy? They know if there's tension between mum or dad or grandparent or between the teacher and so on. They are highly perceptive. That adds to their already higher level of anxiety because children today are experiencing anxiety levels never seen before.

What that does from a neuroscience perspective, is that once the amygdala, which is the fight, flight, freeze portion of the brain takes over, we're not thinking rationally. We are no longer thinking about being collaborative, and that's where the breakdown occurs.

I know myself when I get a little frustrated, my breathing changes, I know that my thinking is not as clear as it could be. I'm always disappointed when I have a parent approach me who's already in that state because I know that I have to work very hard to quell that and to work with the person before I can get to the issue.

TIPS for when we get ‘Hot Under the Collar’:

Sound familiar? Well, here is a sound investment with high R.O. E. - Return on Effort - for a mere 30 seconds of awareness and action.

Taking deep breaths sounds such a simple solution, and it is. Unfortunately, it is one that we often forget when we are in that heightened state and ready to attack. Here is an easy to remember acronym that may help you avoid the next regrettable parent-teacher confrontation.

P – Pause – when you feel you are ready to launch in on an attack, take a moment to pause.

B - Breathe – 3 deep breaths, in for the count of 3 out for the count of 4. Repeated 3 times this will allow you to move from a fight, flight, freeze state to a calmer present state before you open your mouth and say something you may regret.

S – Seek to Understand and Support the other person, in this case the teacher. Stephen Covey said this most eloquently, ‘Seek first to understand and then to be understood’ in his famous book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. When people feel they have been heard and effort has been made to be understood, their defences reduce.

There is always more we can learn about a person or a situation – so remain in the question and be willing to learn. The more we learn, the better the solution we can create, together, and for all parties concerned both now and into the future.

All up this could potentially take 30 seconds of your time. Wow, 30 seconds to diffuse a potential outburst that could potentially reduce anxiety for you, your child and, of course, the hard-working teacher. And a tiny 30 seconds that may enable a relationship to be enhanced, not damaged or destroyed.

Imagine your R.O.E. - Return On Effort - for that 30 second exercise. Who knows you might choose to use this P.B.S. system throughout your day at the first sign of anxiety or frustration?

Since there are 86,370 seconds in a 24-hour period, investing 1 x 30 second time slot is could be the  greatest  investment for each of us, on any given day.

To download my latest free eBook on Homeschooling and other articles, visit www.jillsweatman.com