Who You Are Now Is Who You Were When

When I was in the Marines, I had a training class that spoke to this topic. The lesson has stayed with me for all of these years because, as we get older, we can see how memories shape our perspective in life. The example the instructor used was when the banks collapsed during the Great Depression in 1930’s; those folks that had their life’s saving in a bank lost all of their money. Many of these people never trusted a bank again to safeguard their financial future. This is when the concept of filling mason jars with cash and then burying them in the back yard or stuffing money into a mattress came from because of their experience. This life changing event changed how they behaved for the rest of their lives.

When I was growing up, the greatest part of the week was Sunday night. First, I got to watch the “Wonderful World of Disney” (a no-brainer for a kid) but that was just the appetizer because the real joy came from watching Sunday Night at the Movies. What made it so cool was the fact we had 3 options; ABC, CBS and who could forget NBC. So, if one channel did not work out, we could switch to another. Yes, I just dated myself😉

My absolute favorite was watching the James Bond movies. The Adventures of the British Secret Service Agent 007, who had a license to kill. For an impressionable young man, the adventures, the action, the danger, the car chases and of course, always getting the girl, made me look up to that character as an Idol, a Mentor, and on a certain level, a Father Figure. Not too difficult to connect the dots to becoming a U.S. Marine.

I grew up with my single-parent Mother with an older sister and brother, so no real older male role model in the household. Being the youngest, my opinion was not always of any real value. In fact, in a household of fast-talking storytellers, I developed a stutter because everyone always got their thoughts in while I could not even get a word in edgewise on the conversation. In time, I did learn.

When I was old enough, we would go to the movie theaters and watch great movies but with an added bonus, no commercials. Although at the time, I was unaware of what was happening, I eventually learned the concept of the suspension of disbelief. This is the concept that movie goers must suspend their critical thinking and logic skills in order to enjoy a story, and this suspension usually lasts for two hours. So, if we really wanted to enjoy a movie like Star Wars, we have to temporarily forget, we have not reached that level of space flight technology, much less any knowledge of thousands of other worlds out there with beings we have not communicated with throughout our known history. In order to better enjoy the movie, our imaginations must allow this other universe to co-exist in our minds.

So, watching the movies I grew up with always filled my head with a life where I could be the Hero, I could Save the Day! My first real job was working at the Terrace Theater in Robbinsdale in Minnesota which opened in 1951. This was a Beautiful, Majestic Theater that held 1200 people and we showed brand new movies. One of the joys I had as an Usher was being able to watch a certain movie repeatedly. I had a high school teacher who taught us how to dissect a movie but that is a story for another time.

I was always amazed to watch people’s reaction to the scenes in the movie; whether it was action, suspense, comedy, romance, and every other genre out there that has been filmed. People would jump at a scary moment and believe it to be real. If their logic skills were turned on, they would know this movie is make-believe and there is not a Freddy Kruger in the building. Afterwards, reviewing the memory of the movie in our head, can make us scared of the dark when we go home, our senses are heightened. What I learned was these moments of disbelief can linger for hours, days, weeks and even a lifetime, if powerful enough. (My Mother only took baths after watching the shower scene in the movie Psycho.)

As times changed, so did technology; these films were coming out to the public on cassettes, DVD’s, Blu-Rays and now streaming; one can view these privately in our homes or anyplace we wanted to watch a movie. Children are often entertained while on a road trip with their little electronic devices.

Over time, I liked the concept of buying DVD movies and the thought was to someday, after I pass decades from now, my children will be able to have the movies I found valuable enough to purchase. It is no wonder why I have over 1700 DVDs. However, years ago, I realized they would not want them because they will have 5000 movies on their phones.

Yet, the concept of the suspension of disbelief was a building block in my career. Getting to the roots of why I have been a Motivational Coach for over 25 years, a quarter of a century, in some way, started when I was a child watching movies.

When I work with people who are facing challenges in their life, they are in a state of mind that is hard to escape from. As an example, when people were laid off during the pandemic, for no action of their own, they faced a specific type of reaction, a loss of their identity. This creates a sense of shock. At the beginning of the pandemic, I would call Recruiters in my current role to see if they want to hire Veterans and I came across many who were being laid off or furloughed.

This puts people in crisis because the weight of their mortgage or rent, their food supply and all of the other bills that will affect their family and household, these now go into question and question creates doubt. This lowers people’s sense of self-confidence, which is our belief in ourselves: this also effects our self-esteem, which is our belief in our abilities. On a subconscious level, we feel as if we somehow failed, and sometimes we can make rash decisions. People can apply for positions they were not passionate about and when they get a “no thank you” email, this lowers their self-esteem further. This can create an on-going, spiraling downward effect if not properly addressed.

One of the reasons why I created my “The Philosophy of Finding Your Career” was from the conversations I had with these Recruiters. I put together 25 years of knowledge and experience into a platform that I could deliver to people. I currently work one-on-one with people who feel they are in crisis. I use a very specific technique involving the suspension of disbelief. In my experience, using the suspension of disbelief to help change a person’s mindset and can serve as a very powerful Ally, if utilized!

I am a storyteller, so I use experiences of my life when I was in crisis or overcame an obstacle. I also use my childhood experience from growing up in a household of fast-talking storytellers to take people on a journey which will help them forget about the world they are currently existing in and bring them into my imagination. As they follow the story I am telling, they begin to see a pattern of how I overcame a certain obstacle or challenge, and this helps them develop building blocks for their own predicament. I ask them to be in a quiet place where they can take notes and I tell them my story over the course of an hour. This creates the suspension of disbelief by me having their undivided attention and like good movies do to us, I can get them to temporarily forget their current situation and install tools they can use for themselves in the future.

One example is from when I was a Trainer at PPL, Project For Pride in Living. Over a six-year time frame I taught and graduated 30 banking classes. Each class had up to 15 students and lasted for three weeks. Most of my students were in crisis in one way or another and felt defeated because they could not find employment on their own. On their first day of class, I would give them a sign that said, “What Are You Prepared To Do?” and I asked them to post it someplace like their refrigerator so they could see it every day. I told them at first they would not have answers but in time they will realize they are prepared to work on their resume, they are prepared to work on their interviewing skills, and they are prepared to work on their development of self-worth. This lesson comes from when I first used the sign early in my career and how it changed the course of my life by me changing my mindset and learning how to answer the question.

I would also have them say out loud, five times a day “I Am Awesome,” (which at first they laughed at) but if someone does this everyday over the course of three weeks, they go beyond just believing it, they begin to know it. During those three weeks I would consistently feed their minds with compliments, my ever-present positive attitude and I created an learning atmosphere for six hours a day where they always felt valued. At the end of the three weeks, they did not wish, want, hope or believe they were Awesome, They Knew It!

That suspension of disbelief when my students were, at first, in crisis, was temporarily forgotten and when they sat down in the interview chair, their self-confidence was in abundance. The lingering effect of those empowering three weeks was embedded in their short-term memories which caused 90% of them to land a job within days. This started their careers where more future successful memories will be created and hopefully, those will carry them forward to future successes.

Another technique I use with Veterans when they are conducting a search for employment, is to take them down a similar path because I have a little extra knowledge of them; what we share and have in common, is something I can tap into by sending them down memory lane and creating a suspension of disbelief in their current situation. Like others, Veterans can be in a crisis mindset when they are searching for employment because of their responsibilities and that can, at times be an overwhelming obstacle.

The role I serve as a Veteran Representative with the State of Minnesota, is to help those folks who have served in the military. Knowing this, I remind them of when they graduated from boot camp or basic training. Every one of these folks remember overcoming a multitude of obstacles at this time in their life, but they may have forgotten these memories over a period of time. The entrance into the military is fraught with a multitude of both physical and mental challenges. Drill Instructors have files on our lives and know exactly which buttons to push to get us to react. This process is designed to get people to fail and drop out by taking them to their extremes.

However, for those who remain, it is an incredible feeling to know we have accomplished feats many others cannot, we have proven memories. I started with 88 other recruits in Marine Corps Boot Camp and after 13 weeks of discomfort, 55 of us graduated. I cannot begin to tell you the size of the Superman “S” on my chest, and this is also what my Brothers and Sisters have felt when they graduated. I have found, in many cases, they remember the exact number of who started and how many graduated in their class as well.

While reflecting on these memories, this creates a suspension of their disbelief; instead of feeling in a state of crisis, they remember a proud moment in their lives. The thought of such a memory triggers feelings of self-esteem when they graduated, when they overcame their personal obstacles while in training. After I graduated, I felt as if there was nothing I could not accomplish and that feeling has stayed with me throughout my entire life. This has been a life long lingering feeling of the suspension of disbelief. (I used to tell my kids, as a Marine, I could throw a car into space, and they believed this until their suspension of disbelief vanished when they started forming critical thinking and logic skills and they realized it was physically impossible.)

I have learned to get these military folks to tap into the memories of their past so they can help better approach their futures.

Throughout their tour, they were given orders or were told to accomplish a wide variety of tasks during their years of service. During that timeframe, what they learned was how to succeed!

Now, I tell them they are on a new mission in their life and to look at it in the very same perspective as we did in the military. Failure to succeed is not an option. We were taught step-by-step how to apply certain thought-processes into any given certain circumstances and yield favorable outcomes. Yes, of course people fail, but it was the mindset we had at that time in our lives, that often times taught us to seek out success using these lessons we learned.

Who you are now is who you were when.

Over the course of my career, I have heard people say things like, “When I was a kid, my mother was sick in the hospital and the people there were so kind that when my mother got better, I knew I was going to be a Doctor.” Or “When I was a kid, I loved playing with Tonka Trucks and now I am a truck driver and I love what I do, I get to play all day” or “I was introduced to mathematics at an early age and became successful in my education in it because I was supported by teachers and that is why I now teach Physics.”

Who is Robert E? I am a Second-Generation Career Counselor, meaning my Mother did this work before me. As I watched her while growing up, I saw how she positively changed people’s lives by helping them find value in themselves, which helped them find employment, and I know on some subconscious level, this became a goal in my life which became my reality 17 years ago.

Who I am now, is who I was when.

I am a Motivational Coach because I grew up watching the magic of believing that we can change the conditions of our lives by changing our mindsets, this is a choice we all have and it is possible to achieve. All of our lives are like movies where we are the Writers and Directors of the storyline.

I encourage you to reflect on your earlier memories in life and resurrect empowering moments to help you accomplish your future goals.

You can thank James Bond for my childhood memories of wanting to be the Hero and to want to Save the Day by writing this article to empower people!