Who's Listening

What we have here is a failure to communicate

 We’ve heard it before and more than likely we’ve either said it ourselves or had it said to us. While there are largely 2 aspects to communicating, One being verbally which comprises up to 7%, and the second being broken into 2 components of Non Verbal communication, in which approximately 42% is how we project ourselves, in our dress, body language, our hand gestures, our composure, eye contact, confidence or lack of, and our engagement or dis engagement, and the balance is being how we are being received by those we’re trying to communicate to. Do we or are we being received the way we’re intending to be received?

There is absolutely no question that a lack of, or, mis-communication is the single largest problem in our relationships, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or professional relationship, intimate or acquaintance. If we fail to communicate with others or we communicate poorly we are not able to create a quality relationship. This simplest most basic aspect of that communication yet one of the most difficult traits to perfect is Listening. Often times if not most always, we’re not listening, we’re only hearing what the others are saying. If that’s the cases we have already created a dis advantage to the growth of the relationship. If we listen to reply, we’re missing 93% of the story. If we listen to understand, we not only receive 100% of the story, we understand the investment the story teller just made in us.

I am often reminded as an official at both the High School and Collegiate levels that the single biggest complaint the coaches have on us, is that they don’t feel like we hear them, or are listening to them. In our personal relationships with our significant other, the largest complaint is the other doesn’t listen. Right ladies?

I heard Every Word You Said.

Then You Weren’t Listening!

Once I make my comment “I hear ya coach” I had better live up to the expectations that comment just relayed to the coach. Usually the coach is upset that his/her player is getting abused in some fashion. It’s not enough to just say “I hear ya coach” I have to understand what the coach is looking for, and convey my understanding quickly, professionally, and in such a way they get that I truly was listening to them. How I do that is the action part of the equation. I take into account their concern and find a resolve for it to demonstrate I was listening. Once that has been accomplished, the respect level now goes up, which increased the influence level, and ultimately the leadership level.

Good leaders pay close attention to what isn’t being said.

It’s been said that “Leaders are Listeners, but not all Listeners are Leaders” It takes time, energy, and effort to learn to listen, especially to what isn’t being said. Leaders need to learn the art of reading between the lines and hearing the silent communication. In leadership as in officiating there is word play that goes on all the time, commonly used or misused terms for specific intentions. For example, just because you have a title after your name or to your position doesn’t mean you’re a leader. It usually means you have responsibility. A leader can be anywhere in the “make up” of a group or team without holding a title or position. One easy key to see who the leader is, is to find out who the people turn to for advice. Leaders understand that listening is the investment they make into others that pays huge dividends down the road. When you feel heard, you’re more likely to develop a bond with the listener than any other person. One such person in my history came in to the company I was already a senior level manager for, and took me to lunch, now knowing what I know about developing relationships, I was seeing all the signs of what he was trying to do, and I was doing them in return, we concluded we both wanted the same success, and we could rely on each other without envy, jealousy, or fear of being thrown under the bus by the other. He shared his experiences with me, as I did with him. That lunch lasted the better part of 4 hours, and we only spoke about work for about 3 minutes at the end of lunch to offer our mutual support and respect for each other. We shared stories from our past that helped share who we were, how we got to where we were, and how we planned on helping others. Unfortunately a few short months later the economy tanked, and we were both scrambling for our professional lives, he took a position back closer to where he came from in North Carolina, and I embarked on my own as a business consultant. However that lunch remains a very significant memory for me. Do you have an experience like that? Go back to it, and try to remember what you were talking about, and more importantly what you were feeling. That is listening to what isn’t being said.

Great Leaders are Exceptional at People Skills

If you were to create a check list of 10 traits you think a leader should have, how many traits would be product based? How many would be industry specific? My list has absolutely zero product or industry traits, all 10 of them are relationship based traits. Good leaders take time to understand people, great leaders empower those people to shine in their talents, and that leader is confident in his abilities to now hinder the team’s progress. As that leader you can and should be individually involved with the person not the project. Build the person and the person builds the project. Listen to the person to what is both being said and not said and you will command a higher level of respect and reputation for growing people, thus accomplishing your dreams. Invest in yourself first so your team can receive the dividends, teach and empower your team to invest in themselves so they can offer dividends to others.

If you have enjoyed this blog, please “Like” and share it with others. If you have a desire to invest in your personal or professional growth I offer my services with Step Up Leadership Development, and as your “Official” John Maxwell Certified Speaker, Trainer, and Coach to you. I offer Keynote speaking, Seminars, Workshops, Mastermind Classes, Lunch n Learns, Think Tanks, One on One Coaching, Team/Group Coaching, as well as Executive Coaching and Training. I would consider it an honor and privilege to serve you and your referrals. You can also follow me on LinkedIn, and Twitter.