Why do you do what you do?....In a lockdown what can you do ? part 148

Why am I doing this, why am I reacting this way. Now and then the answer can be found and understood. Not always by others, but by myself. I am the sort of person who calm down much more easily if I understand why thing is happening. The reason behind the actions and the words. Or if I think I understand. ;-) Sometimes that is the best you can hope for.

Because I’m a very sensitive, but at the same time an hasty and impatient person, I’ve learned that to be able to let go of things, for me it’s best to dig up the reasons behind both my own and other people’s feelings, doings and sayings. Of course, that is not possible, but i try. Often driving both myself and others nuts.

Good for me that I love reading and talking about philosophy, psychology, social interacting and so on. But not so many people around me are interested in this to same level as me. It seems, lots of misunderstandings down the road, caused by me wanting to talk of this and that, to the little inner details.

 I have to stop pestering my surroundings this way. Right there you have the reason why I do what I do when I read and write at Linkedin :-)

The others can’t take any more from me. Now it’s your turn! Why do I have this urge to know why and discuss life and feelings?

I’m born this way, I guess. That’s why I think too much, analyzing everything. I love it, though I often get sad or upset when I feel other people don’t understand me.

What I meant well, would often be taken as insolent, rude, inappropriate, vulgar, naughty, and there you go, me being sad and slightly depressed and sometimes very angry. I’ve lost friends because of my mind is too set on finding the reason behind why people take my words and deeds in a way not meant, and I am doing my best to explain.

I have not found the answer on anything. I have found a hell lot of possible answers though. :-) Answers to why my brain react different that the “common” human being. I can found part of myself in a lot of our modern life’s diagnosis, ADHD, Bipolar and a bunch of others disorders and types of personality.

Trying to find the answer on why I am this way, why can’t I be “normal”. I’ll never ever find that answer, but as this is interesting issues, this is the reason why I do what I do when I read and read and read. It’s damn interesting. I like to learn new things.

My friends say I must quit all the reading at internet, I must not think so much, I must not be so honest and open talking about things in my life to so many persons. And there you have the reason why I do what I do when I get this strong urge to claim my right to be as I am.

To explain why, so people will not think I dislike or hate them, or meant something “wrong”. I’m more happy when I can be myself, like everyone else are, even if being that person means that only a few people will really like me. I understand them. ;-)

Some of you have at this point given me one ore two or three of the same diagnoses I have guessed for myself, I assume. ;-)

That’s the bothersome part of me. The flip side, I often hear what a nice person I am. All my life I’ve got complimented this way after meeting new people. “Oh, I must tell you, my friend just loved you after being together with you that day/evening. He/she thought you were so nice and lovely.

He/she hope to see you again.” And that nice person is the person I would like to be all of the time. Of course that is impossible. For me anyway. I choose “most of the time” instead. I have this irritating urge to analyze life. But I hope one day I will understand more.

There you have the reason why I do what I do when I don’t give up on myself finding a way interacting with people on a smooth way. More smooth way. It’s about good and good enough. I’ve learned to go for “good enough”. Or want to think I have learned. And there we go, I’m discussing with my self! No wonder people go nuts.

In the long run, I don’t really want to change that much, I just want to be me. A better me. Without bothering other too much with my moods. I am a take the bad with the good kind of person. It’s not for everyone.

I like to say I’m a person for the ones with special interests. Not quite sure if that turned out correct when written in English. Like Winnie the Pooh says: “That sounds correct (makes sense) when it were inside my head, but something happened at the way out”.

I love Winnie the Pooh! I often also wish I could say “Give me both, thank you very much!”. Think some of both my writing and my thinking get lost in translation now and then. Then I think of Winnie the Pooh, and feel relief and get a smile on my face. :-)

I simply do because

I feel to do,

I want to do,

I need to do,

I have to do,

I’ll do.

So, whatever I do, I just do it because somewhere I AGREE to do it.