Why is it so hard to say no?!

Should I say yes or no?

That little question can save us many disappointments and guilt

“ I said yes when basically I should have said no."

“ I didn’t have the guts to say no. I didn’t want to disappoint or to hurt anyone."

" I didn't respect myself and I even feel like I didn't respect my team when I said yes… "

Even when we know we should say no, actually saying it is often quite challenging.

I notice that it’s still very demanding for many people to take the time to validate their schedule, their list of tasks, their responsibilities, their prior commitments, their availability or the availability of their team before saying yes. They then find themselves with additional stress because they did not want to disappoint or send the wrong message.

 But the person they disappoint is themselves. 

The choice between the guilt of not saying yes and being afraid of what the other will think, and the guilt of saying yes and regretting it, is tormenting. And often, the “other” wins, to the detriment of yourself or your team.

 If one of the sentences in the introduction speaks to you, then you are one of those people (and I still am, by the way, and I must still be vigilant).

These people who do not want to disappoint, who want to be appreciated for their commitment, their determination, their ability to do a lot of work, and who value themselves by this ability to "deliver". A sincere dedication is often the root of this. But the costs can sometimes be heavy.

Without going too deep, I'll just remind you of something.

Ask yourself this small but powerful question BEFORE you answer YES.

WHAT DO I SAY NO TO, WHEN I SAY YES?

 If I say yes to that, what am I going to have to say no to?

If I say yes to this for my team, what am I saying no to them?

I like this reflection which may seem trivial, but which is very powerful.

Before making a decision, try this exercise:

 When I say YES to that, what do I say NO to?

When I say NO to that, what do I say YES to?

 And if you have a choice to make, the following matrix can also be helpful:

If I say YES to "x", what do I say no to?

If I say NO to "x", what do I say yes to?

If I say YES to "y", what do I say no to?

If I say NO to "y", what do I say yes to?

It's a slightly more sophisticated version of the “pros and cons” list. To help us get out of this “binary” mode that we often fall into when making decisions. We usually have more than only two possible solutions or two perspectives to a situation. And doing this exercise helps us see other angles and sometimes allows us to find creative solutions that allow us, basically, not to say yes or no, and to come up with something else that potentially even allows us to move forward. quickly!

Try it!

 Tell us if it's hard for you to say no, and if sometimes you say “yes” when you know it would be to your advantage to say “no”… share with us times when the costs were high. And even recent successes after trying this little trick booster!

Here’s to your growth!