Why Tom Hanks, Barbara Corcoran, and Every Successful Person Still Feel Like an Imposter

If you haven’t already, get your copy of Burn the Boats today on Amazon!

Greetings Boat Burners!

My friend and fellow Shark, Barbara Corcoran, came from nothing and has done everything. She battled dyslexia as a child. She bootstrapped her way into launching the real estate powerhouse firm The Corcoran Group in New York City, then sold it for $66 million in 2001. She joined the original cast of Shark Tank and has been on all 14 seasons, doing who knows how many deals at this point. In other words, it's hard to imagine a room Barbara Corcoran could walk into where anyone thinks she's an imposter. 

And yet, she told CNBC this week that imposter syndrome is the recurring trait she sees in the successful people around her. It’s the fuel to their success. 

That's exactly the point I make in Burn the Boats. Imposter syndrome is not something to be avoided but something to be acknowledged and seen as confirmation that you're doing hard things. Despite all the recent open and refreshing dialogue around imposter syndrome from some very high profile people - Tom Hanks among them - the sense of inadequacy is pervasive.

A recent study found imposter syndrome to be more prevalent among women than men. The research showed that 53% of women felt incompetent and unqualified in their professional lives - being more likely to “feel like a phony” in the workplace than their male counterparts. Compare this to the 54% of men in the same study who claimed they’ve never felt imposter syndrome at all. This undue feeling of shame can leave lasting scars on people’s lives, with 62% of women admitting that they’ve never felt true confidence in their entire lives, while 22% of women claim that this feeling of inadequacy has stymied their professional and personal growth.

This gender disparity in those who feel imposter syndrome is why I highlighted dozens of incredible stories of female-led businesses from Christina Tosi’s Milk Bar, Scarlett Johansson’s The Outset, to Michelle Cordeiro Grant’s Lively. Their battles with imposter syndrome were not only ones that made them stronger, but also became leading indicators of their inevitable success. To Barbara’s point, “imposter syndrome is what drives" ambitious people.

A common thread among many messages I receive from Boat Burners is the nagging feeling of imposter syndrome coupled with a fear of reputational risk. When we embark on something new, that pang of imposter syndrome sounds less like the voice in our head, but instead a proxy for the anticipated detractors who will try to put us back in our box. 

In Burn the Boats, I profile my former colleague at the New York Jets, general manager Mike Tannenbaum who ascended to the GM spot while still in his thirties. Even though he had worked his way up from manning Bill Belichick's copy machine to become one of the most knowledge talent evaluators in the NFL, Mike often felt like he didn't deserve to be in the job he coveted since childhood.

“When you get these kinds of jobs,” Mike explains, “there’s some imposter syndrome going on. I was the youngest GM in the NFL, on the big stage in New York, and I was fearing that I wasn’t worthy. I had always been balancing two ideas in my head—1) How come I’m not in charge already?; and, 2) Will I ever really be ready? I got my ambition from watching my father work so hard in his career at the transit agencies in Boston and New York. I wanted an easier path for my kids, and I was willing to fight to make it. But when you stepped in, I knew I needed to find a better way to express all of that.”

I hear people give advice that imposter syndrome is something to eradicate. I completely disagree. Imposter syndrome is a feedback loop confirming that you have now left your comfort zone. Your brain scans all your neural pathways to identify this specific fact pattern in its library of experience. We are efficient creatures and so we prefer to call the same plays (using the football metaphor in honor of Mike). So when our mind comes up blank, we feel unease. New neural tracks must be put down in order to traverse this unfamiliar terrain. "Go west young man, go west!" Our reward is an entirely new neural entry. From that moment forward, your brain has context and will execute with so much less effort than before, creating ever more capacity for new experiences!

I grew up in a shoebox apartment in Queens, New York, feasting on government cheese, SPAM, Steak-Umm’s, and Rice-a-Roni. I remember going over to my first girlfriend's house to meet her parents for dinner. It was a beautiful three-story home in an affluent neighborhood that felt like another universe. The living room was about as large as our apartment. I remember sitting down at this long table and there was extra silverware that I didn't comprehend. What on Earth do we need TWO spoons for? Full on panic attack. 

Years later, when I walked on the set of Shark Tank, I felt just as I did sitting at the table in Forest Hills, parents seeing right through me - or so I believed. I pulled Daymond John aside and asked him for one piece advice to overcome imposter syndrome before going on set. And he said the one thing I always remember when I embark on a new challenge in my life: “You belong here, because you are here.”

You belong here, because you are here. That's it. There is no societal referendum on belonging. You go wherever your mind, your talent, and grit takes you.

Chase the feeling of being an imposter. It means you’re not settling for the status quo. Science shows the most effective way to manage imposter syndrome is to talk to yourself in the third person. Using your own name, instead of “I”, lets you self-distance in a way that makes the pep talk far more likely to resonate. Create a super ego authority who has only your best interests at heart - like an imaginary friend (for grown-ups). 

If you haven't read Burn the Boats yet, I delve deeper into imposter syndrome and how to manage anxiety. Join your fellow boat burners today!

LIGHTING THE MATCH:

I received a message from a care worker in Portugal who had an extremely challenging childhood, and is now working at an elderly home to make ends meet. But her true dream is to become a software developer, and now at 27, after reading Burn the Boats, she’s felt inspired and energized to fully commit to her studies, and dream of working in technology, and is going all in on her life’s purpose.

If you haven’t already, buy your copy of Burn the Boats today on Amazon!