Why your listening role matters

In my last newsletter I shared why I think it’s so important we understand our specific roles and responsibilities when it comes to workplace mental health and mentioned how vital our listening role is.

Having learned so much over the years about the value of listening which can often be easier to implement in my work life compared to home life, I thought this edition should be dedicated to the topic. I could write a whole thesis there's so much to explore and as I'm adding content I've realised it will have to be next edition's topic too!

Levels of listening

To say listening is such an important skill seems such an understatement and we grow up being told to listen but are rarely taught how to do it!

If you google levels of listening you’ll go down a rabbit hole of models (4,5,6,7, or 8 levels take your pick!), good ol’ Steven Covey has a nice simple 5 levels explained here :

1. Ignoring - totally disengaged or replying with something unrelated
2. Pretend listening – we make the right noises & body language but we’ve zoned out
3. Selective listening – we focus on the bits that interest us, ignore other bits, jump in, give advice
4. Attentive listening - we really explore and take on board what’s being said
5. Empathetic listening – we listen to understand the intent and the emotions behind the message

Who doesn't frequently spend time at the unhelpful end of the listening scale? In my house my hubby is the coffee expert and I'm the tea expert but when I ask him he he wants a cup I must be on autopilot as when I go to make it I realise I have no idea what he said!

We might be making those reassuring ‘ah ha’ ‘hmm’ responding noises when someone’s recounting a story but how often are we planning what we need to do or have for dinner?

So it’s pretty obvious, we need to avoid these behaviours for active listening.

The listening trap

We might consider ourselves pretty good listeners in important situations, but it’s easy to fall into the trap of selective listening, that’s listening out for anything that enables us to connect to our own experiences.

As humans we naturally want to make connections with others, which is great for day-to-day conversations.

But be aware that so much of the time...

we treat listening like getting ready to cross the road, we’re just waiting for gaps in the traffic to say our piece!

If we want to see real benefits whether its avoiding and resolving conflict, generating ideas or supporting someone in distress, we need to take our listening to the next level.

Taking our listening to the next level

I reckon when it comes to listening quotes Steven Covey would win the prize of most quoted, and with good reason for its simplicity:

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply - Stephen Covey

Listening to understand, not to reply, with a non-judgmental, open mindset is the biggest gift you can give someone in distress.

The power of empathy

The gold standard of active listening is all about coming from a place of empathy, it’s connecting to and acknowledging the pain they’re going through.

Empathy doesn’t require that we have the exact same experiences as the person sharing their story, empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event or the circumstance. Can't remember if that's a direct quote from Brene, but either way here's her gem of a video Empathy versus sympathy.

You've probably come across it frequently, I know I never tire of learning from it.

The value of a Listening ear

Being allowed to articulate what’s whirring round and round in our heads can quite literally be life-saving.

So don’t ever underestimate the importance of just being a listening ear, that might be all someone needs to decompress.

As I like to keep highlighting, when it comes to workplace mental health there are 3 key elements:

• Prevention and promotion of helpful practises
• Early intervention and
• Recovery support

Of course, listening has value throughout all three which is beautifully illustrated by Dan and Rich in their Heads Together video along with these poignant words:

To just have someone know where I was exactly at and how I was feeling was the most amazing feeling ever

 It gave me goose bumps just writing them!

And it explains why the Samaritans service is so trusted and successful at helping people in crisis, they are quite simply the ultimate listening service and their volunteers are highly trained in the art of listening.

Check out the Samaritans UK robust support and listening tips

Next time...

In my next edition I’ll touch on how we might be better at listening in our professional rather than home circumstances (me!), some of the adaptations according to our roles and share a great video on how not to listen in a work context, it’s painfully cringeworthy! 

As ever I love hearing your thoughts on your own listening journey and your favourite resources too.

Feel free to DM or email me.

Happy listening!