Winning Big Time in Life

Many times in our life - we are winning - still don't feel like a winner.

This happens that our focus becomes the struggles that we are immersed in rather than the silent incremental growth that is happening in our life in almost un-observable ways.

Look at your life as it is right now and check what fits with your life

1.      Are you struggling?

2.     Are you scared? Are you failing [in studies, in relationships, in business, in your job, in your profession etc etc]?

3.     Are you at your wit's end and Can't see any solutions?

4.     Are you stuck big-time and see no way-out?

5.     Are you facing financial doom/bankruptcy?

6.     Are you caught in catch-22 and must-decide-situation?

7.     Are you suffering from overload of guilt, stress, shame or any other killing emotion?

I have experienced all of these many-many times than I can remember in my life so far – and I am still squirming under few of them at present.

Because of my own life - I have been struggling to find the answer of "what to do to come out of these life-stopping => spiraling-and-cyclic phases.

The answer came to me in one of the most unimaginable ways - when the other day I went to the market - and I saw a man wearing a T-shirt with printed on it the words "IN THE END – IT'S ONLY YOU vs YOU".

Something clicked as This made sense Powerful-Profound-SENSE – so profoundly simple YET not at all understood by me - till barely a week back.

Yes situations, circumstances, events and few people can be overwhelming, overpowering, shaking and shocking.

And many of these happenings might be just beyond ours or anybody's control.

Sure we can and often we do - blame it on our luck, other people, government etc.- Yet I am sure as you might have already realized this rarely does the trick – except maybe giving you the comfortable feeling of being a victim.

But but but – after this has happened – how do you bounce-back into say normal life.

If you need to come out of it stronger - In the end it is only You vs You.

If You need to change your life

1.      You need to give-up

2.     You need to let-go

3.     You need to unlearn

4.     You need to relearn

5.     You need to reshape

6.     You need to redesign – the way you think, you act, you react, you respond and the way you live your life

7.     You need to master the essential life-skills

The biggest demon we need to demolish is the demon within ourselves - The biggest battles that we need to win are the battles within ourselves.

All of us have inner conflicts

1.      We struggle with how to say NO

2.     How to ask for something that we want

3.     In Expressing our feelings

4.     Claiming our rights

5.     Balancing between being likable and being respectable

6.     How to choose between two equally beneficial or damaging options we must choose between

Inner conflicts are war between our brain, body and spirit - It is almost as if our mind wants to keep running old scripts and habits while your spirit is eager to create new ones.

Part of us may want to allow change while another part of us resists it -In daily life this dynamic gets played out through conflict, frustration, insecurity, tension and reactiveness.

The most grueling Types of internal conflict is when we don't know which choice to take – it is called Moral Dilemma- wherein Each choice may provide some good, but maybe at the expense of causing a predicament elsewhere.

Example - A train is hurtling along a track that has five people tied to it. There is a lever to divert the train onto another track where there is only one person tied down.

Either five people will die or just one person will die. The dilemma you have is whether you should leave the train on its natural course and not interfere, or whether you should pull the lever, killing one person but saving five other lives in the process.

Moral conflicts can differ in degree of seriousness - The consequences of some choices can be on a much larger scale than some minor scenarios.

15 reasons Why inner-conflict happens

1.      We need to understand that seldom our inner struggles or conflicts are caused by the circumstances – in fact thy are almost always because of our illusions about what has happened and our illusions about how irreversible this is – nothing is farther than the truth

2.     We also need to understand that the Second cause of our conflict is our attachment with people, our False-self-image, our expectations of the how life should happen, our expectations our how and what other people should be doing

3.     If we are struggling with a decision then the Third cause could be that we are not clear about what we want and what we need to change in ourselves

4.     The fourth reason could be that – we want the situation to change just like that – without our going through the complete cycle of the metamorphosis – during a big crisis, grief, tragedy or upset

5.     The Fifth cause is that we are resisting and fighting with what is happening – this causes the most unnecessary stress not in our own bit also impacts the lives 9of our near and dear ones.

6.     We have difficulty in flowing with the painful phase experiencing the pain and the struggles – this causes mental, emotional and physical fatigue and exhaustion

7.     We have difficulty in understanding – many times – to win, we must lose

8.    We also feel bad and put our energies to resist giving up something that we were in comfort with or felt like our entitlement

9.     It also happens when we start giving more to others – expecting that we will get more from them or the world AAND ARE NOT GETTING IT

10. Our conditioning of Good vs Bad, Right vs Wrong, Only One Solution/Option

11.  Our attitude towards mistakes, failures, should/shouldn't have done/not-done

12. Our Ego prevalent within because of our insecurities

13. Our learned habit of avoiding/suppressing/withdrawing/ignoring/Inability to face the facts about us in any situation we feel would cause pain/discomfort/ threat  

14. Our not able to understand and accept that these conflicts are opportunities for us to grow, move forward and change for better

15. Inner conflict happens - When we are caught between (usually two) choices that have conflicting yet essential results or outcome that we desire badly

16 SIGNS of inner CONFLICT to know when we are at war with ourselves

1.      When we blame ourselves

2.     When we blame others

3.     When we link our happiness and success with some external events happening AND with other people

4.     When we try to find excuse to justify why we are right

5.     When we have a short fuse and erupt – for no-reasons

6.     When we try to create a facade to show-off to project what we don't have

7.     When we become our own worst critic

8.    When we have a long list of regrets, anger, complain, guilt, shame etc

9.     When we keep reflecting on what others said

10. When we start magnifying simple things into catastrophic proportions

11.  Restlessness

12. Over analyzing, over thinking

13. Being unable to relax and having trouble falling asleep

14. You want to do something, but another part of you is screaming  - NO WAY

15. You believe in something, but you just cannot condone an action that belief teaches

16. You feel like something is right - but then you also feel like it’s wrong

37 Simple Doable Ways to manage your inner conflicts

1.      Don't push away annoying thoughts – instead create courage to listen and feel them

2.     Identify your core-values

3.     Ensure that unless you are forced by such powerful beyond control events – you would not violate your values

4.     In case of confusion – try to get clarity on what you want – asking Why, why why till the time you are motivated to throw your 100% efforts to accomplish that outcome

5.     Do the essentials must do tasks and maintain the routine hygiene factor

6.     Do nothing immediately aftermath of an significant emotional event

7.     Identify what is within your control and what is not – learn the habit of ditching the out of control things

8.    Focus on taking actions those are within your reach albeit stretch

9.     Identify how this struggle may add value to your future dreams – in case you learn how to cope effectively with this situation/people

10. Identify what you need to learn to be able to deal with it comfortably later

11.  Understand your passions and dreams – and pursue pro-actively action-oriented life

12. Relax, reflect and evaluate so you can be sure you have done all you can to make the right decision - for full read "You are winning when you are winning in life" in success unlimited mantra