Workplace Nepotism: How to handle this with grace?

Nepotism is an expression that we always hear either for the political dynasties or for the showbiz industry in the subcontinent, where seasoned politicians’ and superstars’ next generations find an easy access to the politics or stardom. 

In this age, we also find this notion @Workplaces. Here too, everyone desires a fair, merit-based treatment by employers, which is not always the case however stressful or frustrating it may be.

In simple terms, Nepotism in context of workplace is a form of favoritism that includes recommending, hiring,  promoting and retaining relatives and/or friends over the real talent. The opinions of nepotism vary depending on the experience with it. If you have benefited from the practice you will probably favor it, and if you have experienced some of the disadvantages of it, you will feel negatively about the practice.

We, as humans, inherently trust people that are our family and that we consider friends, and establishing trust in the workplace environment is one of the crucial elements of doing business successfully.

“Nepotism is a natural part of the human endowment,” says Robert Jones, a professor of Industrial-Organizational Psychology at Missouri State University. How it's perceived is tied to culture, according to Jones.

Nepotism generally has a negative connotation in the western, individualistic societies such as the United States, contrary to the subcontinent, particularly if the favored recipient isn’t qualified. This can damage a business by affecting employee morale, causing friction and resentment. However, it isn’t necessarily an entirely negative practice. Hiring or promoting a relative with complete transparency can provide certain advantages. For instance, if the candidate has been groomed in the family business, then the person may bring valuable social and intellectual capital to the position. Jones points to a recent nepotism study on NCAA teams that shows that teams with nepotism (two or more family members as players or coaching on the same team) tend to perform better and win more games than those without it.

Precisely, the way people respond to nepotism @Work depends largely on the qualifications and self-awareness of the candidate(S) in question, as well as transparency in the hiring process. If you find yourself in a work situation where nepotism is a flagrant problem that disrupts your workplace satisfaction and professional growth, here are five ways to address the issue:

1. Don’t jump the gun 

Take a deep breath. Just because the person hired or given the opportunity is related to the boss or to the CEO or the Chairman, that doesn’t automatically make it nepotism. The fact is, the person receiving the opportunity may have qualifications that you may not be aware of or experience that speaks to the job or opportunity. So, before you jump the gun and scream “nepotism,” take a step back and divert your attention which may eventually turn to become a non-issue for you. 

“Focus on maintaining a professional attitude and a strong performance," said Heather Huhman, an HR expert and founder and president of HR software firm Come Recommended. "The last thing an employee with a legitimate complaint against their employer wants is to not be taken seriously because of some sort of technicality.”

2. Professional Approach 

Let’s assume for a while that that very hiring is definitely nepotism and that the person benefiting is completely unqualified and unprofessional. Well, just because that person may exhibit unprofessional behavior and get away with it, that doesn’t mean that you will behave in the same manner as well. Nepotism is not fair, but it's rampant with the potential to be toxic, according to Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant; How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job.

You can’t control someone else’s behavior, but you can be responsible for your very own. Continue to demonstrate professionalism, even if you are being provoked. Resist the urge to act out, slack on the job, tell someone off or gossip with coworkers who could easily repeat your words. You don't want what you say to come back to haunt you later. 

Keep doing all the things that professional people do: Be courteous, mind your own business, show up on time, follow through on your responsibilities and keep growing your skills. 

3. Document your contributions 

In cases of nepotism, what's often most frustrating is that a person feels overlooked because of opportunities given to someone perceived as less qualified. So, your best bet to get what you want (say, a raise or a promotion) is to not make it about the other person.

Document what you've achieved over time, and make sure to compile as much data to back you up as possible (E.g. I’ve contributed to company’s growth by way of bringing in xxx new customers). Avoid making your argument about someone else getting what you feel you deserve.

4. Sound off people you trust 

“Nepotism is a dangerous territory - especially depending on whom the nepotism involves,” Huhman said. “As such, employees need to proceed with caution and be careful about whom they trust with their complaints.”

With this in mind, if you need to report the person benefiting from nepotism, HR may not always the right choice. Instead, Huhman recommended to “identify a third-party ally - someone higher up than you, and thus who has more power within the organization but has no skin in the game. As with any complaint, documentation and witnesses (evidence) are important. Together with the ally, determine how to best bring forward your concerns that won't result in backlash.”

Along with having your own record and documentation of dates, incidents, dialogue and names and people who can possibly corroborate what happened, present any additional supporting evidence, such as a policy in the employee handbook to show that these actions are in direct violation of company policy. And remember, if you choose to speak up, assume that you may be inviting closer examination of your own behavior. Make sure your own performance is beyond scrutiny.

5. Your Health & Happiness come first 

Last but not the least, dealing with nepotism at work can be stressful, and the matter won’t be resolved overnight. “Patience is crucial,” Huhman said. “Some might feel compelled to act out of emotion, but it’s best to build a case with evidence and details - including any information from colleagues who may be experiencing the same things you are - before approaching anyone.”

Whether it’s exercising, cooking, watching a funny television show, talking with supportive friends and family or seeing a therapist, find the activities that bring you happiness and relief -- and keep doing them. Also, consider this for the bigger picture: Nepotism is everywhere. In some instances, it can hinder you professionally and be toxic. But that’s not every case. “Know that people may not realize they’re acting partially,” Huhman said. “So, it’s best to approach any conversation about partial behavior at work as something you’ve noticed, not something that’s been done to you.”

Last Word

Whatever your experience with nepotism may be, whether you practice it, benefit from it or find it aggravating and hindering your first step towards dealing with it is accepting it as it is – a common pattern of behavior.

Humans are ‘social animals’ and we cannot go without personal connections even in the professional world. Make peace with it and do not let it ruin your health and work or personal relationships. Hopefully, some of these strategies will help you cope with the problem and feel better about yourself.

Remember, everyone on this planet earth is replaceable. Job is important but your life is precious, so is your loved ones. Think of your family who will suffer because of your stress, anger and restlessness.

Learn how sometimes smaller things in our lives make huge impact and you can take some learnings on a personal and professional level by following me on LinkedIn and on our official website. Also follow us on social media: Facebook, LinkedIn, Medium, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder, Managing Director and Principal Consultant at Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, At Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.