If You Love Something, Set It Free
When I was in elementary school, I had a teacher that liked to put posters of proverbial quotes on her wall. There was always a beautiful picture as the background, so even if you weren't really into wisdom, in general, your eyes were attracted to the image. Then, just out of habit, you would just end up reading the words next to the picture. Smart lady!
One of the quotes that I've heard all throughout my life but frequently questioned my personal belief about was: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. if it doesn't, it never truly was." The problems that I had with it were:
- "Set it free" means you're holding it hostage. Anyone who would hold something or someone hostage has no right to be in a relationship in the first place. You don't really love it.
- "If it comes back to you" means that it has left you. If something leaves you in the first place, it means they don't truly want to be with you, doesn't it?
- "It is yours"? How can something be "yours"? That means you possess it. That's very unhealthy it, because it means no one else can "have it"?
- "It never truly was" means that there could potentially be a lot of people out there who are lying to the people that they're with by 'being with them' when they're not really "with them".
Did I mention that I'm an INTP? Relationships are not my forte. Just know that up front. So it wasn't until I grew up and had different kinds of relationships with different kinds of men that I understood what it meant to truly be "with" someone. I've been married for 26 years now and I appreciate what it means to "set someone free", because I've done it multiple times. And even still do. To this day. And every time I do it, my husband eagerly "comes back".
Setting someone free means willingly giving them the choice to not be in a relationship with you, without threats, or guilt-tripping, or manipulation. Giving them the chance to go do something else, with someone else, somewhere else. And their taking the time to consider the possibility of what that would include and involve. And how they feel about it.
You can only set someone free if you would be able to successfully manage your life in a healthy way without that person. That means being personally healthy yourself, and potentially still genuinely happy, without that person. So the person doesn't have to be distracted by your potential problems when they're considering their life without you.
That means you have to work very hard, all day, every day, to make sure you are a quality soul. That involves honest examination, and huge sacrifice, and incredible discipline. That means true maturity. How many people are simply not qualified themselves to be in a relationship because they're not even mature enough to be with another person? Any person?
How many people are in relationships because they feel trapped by the person that they're with? They're actually not even really "with" the person, but they don't feel like they have any freedom to go? Or they don't want to deal with what would happen if they did go? How many men's hearts are not really with the woman they're in a relationship with? How many women know that but just aren't mature enough to admit it to themselves--and let him go?
Too many people. Period. If you love something, set it free. Don't chase after it. Stand still with a calm heart. While you're giving someone you love the choice to leave, ask yourself if you would have the strength and ability to be successful in your life--alone? Take a look at yourself and an inventory of your soul. Are you able to be with someone without forcing them to stay--because you're truly strong and mature and healthy enough to be alone?