Sam Horn's TODAY, NOT SOMEDAY Box

A participant in a recent book club told me, "I think happiness is off the table for many people these days. They're reeling from Covid19, busy looking for a job, or re-opening their business, home-schooling their kids, or taking care of a relative who's sick. They don't have time to be 'happy.' It seems kind of unrealistic, far away."

She had an interesting point. And it motivated me to update the name of "The Happiness Box" in my Someday is Not a Day in the Week book to "The Today, Not Someday Box."

Like she said, many people feel they're in limbo, that events are out of their control. They're putting their "real life" on hold until things "settle down" or go back to "normal."

What I learned though after interviewing hundreds is that procrastination is a path to regrets. Who knows when, or if, things will "settle down" or "go back to normal?"

So, I've changed the name of The Happiness Box to The Today, Not Someday Box.

Here's how it works.

Step 1. Get a piece of paper and draw a big box on it. Dvide the box into 4 squares and label them: Square 1 is upper left. Square 2 is upper right. Square 3 is lower left. Square 4 is lower right.

Step 2. Now, write your answers to the following questions in the appropriate square. Be sure to write down the first thing that comes to mind without censuring it. Your first response is usually the most honest response, and that's what we want. Then, write down everything else that occurs to you in response to that question.

Square 1: “What are you DOING in your life you WANT TO?” Walking your dog? Reading bedtime stories to your kids? Taking online classes? Working for a company where you're respected? Gardening? Renovating your kitchen?

Square 2: “What are you NOT DOING in your life you WANT TO?” Not spending time with friends? Not making enough money? Not working out/exercising? Not traveling? No volunteering or giving back to your community? Not going on dates with spouse?

Square 3: “What are you DOING in your life you DON’T WANT TO?” Over-eating? Watching too much TV? Spending too much time on social media? Fighting with your spouse? Listening to news and getting upset? Shopping online and racking up debt?

Square 4: “What are you NOT DOING in your life and you DON’T WANT TO?” Yes, this is a double negative. It’s important though because it identifies unhealthy or unwanted behaviors you've quit (Smoking? Workaholic?) and are successfully keeping out of your life.

Step 3: When you’re finished, look at your responses in Square 1.This is what’s “right” with your life. These are the non-negotiables that contribute to your quality of life. Whatever you do, KEEP these things in your life because they help you like yourself and your life.

Step 4. Now, look at your responses in Square 2. This is what's "missing" in your life. You already know these are important priorities, your gut just told you so. Yet you're waiting for perfect circumstances to do it. These are regrets waiting to happen.

Step 5. Now, look at your answers in Square 3. These are the "shoulds" in your life, the duties, responsibilities. You may feel you HAVE to do them, as if you don't have a choice. The good news is, if you get creative, you can often negotiate these obligations, or trade them, so they're not so onerous or so they don't take up so much time.

Step 6. Now, look at your answers in Square 4. These are your "lessons-learned." Pema Chodron says, "Nothing ever really goes away until it teaches us what we need to know." Maybe you used to commute two hours a day and you hated it. So, you moved closer to work so you're not doing that anymore. You learned that lesson! The key is to keep these toxic behaviors out of your life, because you've learned they sabotage your quality of life.

Please note: none of us are perfect, so there will always be things in Box 2 and 3 that are “wrong” with our life. The question is, “HOW LONG?” 

How long have you been doing these things you don’t want to do? How long have you not been doing things you want to do?

John Foster Dulles said, "The mark of a successful organization isn't whether or not it has problems; it's whether it has the same problems it had last year."

The same is true of a successful individual. The question is, would you have given the same answers to these questions a year ago? If so, it's a sure sign something needs to change, fast.

As the Buddha said, "We think we have time." Please understand, there will never be a right time. The only time we have for sure is right now.

Please understand, I am not suggesting you turn your back on your responsibilities. I am suggesting you select one thing from Square 2 and bring that into your life, even if it's for an hour a week. That's not selfish, it's smart.

Alice Waters says, "The most common way people give up their power is to think they don't have any."

Even in the midst of a pandemic, you have the power to improve your quality of life.

Just keep doing what you put in Square 1. Start doing something you put in Square 2. Stop doing something you put in Square 3. Continue NOT doing what's in Square 4.

BTW, you might want to fill out this TODAY, NOT SOMEDAY Box with family members and coworkers. It can catalyze an honest conversation about how everyone can take proactive responsibility for improving their life now, not later. After all, now is the new later.

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Sam Horn is the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books including POP!, Tongue Fu!, Got Your Attention? and SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week have been featured in NY Times, on NPR, and presented to Intel, NASA, Cisco, Intel, YPO. Want a SOMEDAY webinar presented to your group? Contact Sam@IntrigueAgency.com