50 Important Things I Learned Over The Past Year (and How to Be Kinder to Yourself)

A rough patch has a way of majorly shaking things up, giving you the impetus to take stock of your life, encourage you to rethink how you do things (and with whom you do them) and make positive changes in your life.

I constantly hear the voice of self-doubt in my head - "why do you always screw things up?" "how could you be so stupid to [fill in the blank]" "you're a failure" "why do you always get in your own way?" So much of our negative self talk and the ways in which we hold ourselves back stems from our inner critic. We need to learn to not obsess about the negative things it says, and instead learn how to use the voice of self-doubt to achieve success.

Here are some things I learned over the past year after going through a tough time. I wrote this article hoping that this list might help others who are experiencing challenges themselves.

1. Don’t be afraid of change (your job, your relationship, your home, your friends)
2. Pay close attention to who is there for you in times of need and crisis - that's your tribe. Conversely, pay attention to who isn't there in times of need and reevaluate whether you want them in your life.
3. It’s okay to not be okay
4. Don’t apologize for being you
5. No one is perfect
6. Always trust your gut
7. Don’t change yourself to please others
8. The only constant in life is change
9. You can only control your own actions
10. Don’t jump to conclusions
11. Taking that one step further, don’t assume the worst unless you really have reason to. Believing the worst case scenario will happen will only give you anxiety.
12. Assume good intent in people unless they prove you otherwise
13. When you are facing a tough situation, ask yourself what advice you would give a friend who was going through it
14. Remind yourself of three things for which you are grateful each day
15. Focus on the present versus ruminate about the past or stress about the future
16. Don’t dwell on your mistakes
17. Stop self-doubting and self-sabotaging behaviors
18. Let your failures propel you to greater success
19. Do what you love – life is short
20. Overcome your fear of rejection
21. Don’t stay in relationships with toxic people
22. Don’t agree to do more than you can manage
23. It’s okay to say no
24. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone
25. Others people’s opinions of you are just that – opinions
26. You are deserving of good things
27. You must believe in yourself
28. Your past and your mistakes don’t define you – even Steve Jobs and Oprah majorly failed on their way to extraordinary success
29. You can reinvent yourself at any time and start over. Sometimes it’s your choice and sometimes it isn’t, but you can do it - you have no other choice.
30. Weed out the people in your life who seem to be using you
31. Spend time with the elderly in your life – time is precious
32. Give to charity – money and your time
33. Set goals and work towards them
34. Forgive yourself and others
35. When someone shows you their true colors run
36. The same red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the reason why things end. Trust me on this one.
37. Take responsibility for your mistakes, for the way you act, react and respond
38. Don’t worry about people who have removed themselves from your life
39. You are stronger than you think
40. Nothing is permanent. Especially feelings.
41. It’s okay to not be okay and to ask for help
42. Friends become enemies. Lovers become strangers. Life is cruel sometimes.
43. Accept yourself for who you are and recognize your flaws
44. Identify what you learned from past mistakes
45. Practice being more in tune with your intuition
46. Forgive yourself and accept your imperfections
47. Don’t be a mean girl or engage in gossip
48. Smile more and live in the moment
49. Everything really does happen for a reason 
50. Pets are great companions and mood boosters (borrow one if you don't have one, or volunteer at a shelter)

[Stefanie Marrone helps law firms effectively tell their stories and find their unique voices. Over the last 18 years, she has worked with some of the most prominent and innovative law firms in the world, developing and executing global revenue generating business development and communications strategies, including media relations, branding, and multichannel content marketing and social media campaigns. She is very passionate about using social media for lead generation and brand building. She has a diverse range of experience in both Big Law and mid-size/small-law firms. Connect with her on LinkedIn and follow her latest writing on JD Supra as well as her blog The Social Media Butterfly.]