Feel Free to Press Pause

My last post was about shouting "Bananas!" to stop negative conversation patterns. Today, we're going to talk about the power of pressing pause, even outside of conflict.

We live in a fast-paced world, and there's always more to be done than there is time to do it, right?

Don't be afraid to pause.

Pause can take on a variety of forms. If you're in a conversation, a pause can be a few seconds. Someone asks you a question--don't feel obligated to immediately answer. Someone makes an inflammatory statement--don't feel pressured to immediately respond. Take a breath, think about the situation and your answer, and give yourself time to formulate a response. The five seconds that you take to think seems like a lifetime in your head. To the others in the conversation, it passes in a flash.

You can also use a longer pause in lieu of a response. If someone says something insulting or outrageous, don't feel that you have to respond. Just let the silence sit in the room for a minute. Let everyone soak in it. If someone else has done something awkward to prompt your silence, the awkwardness is theirs, not yours. Being silent can be a power move.

A pause can also be expressly called out. I was recently on a work call and the other person on the call told me something truly unexpected. I was shocked, and unprepared for their comment. I paused for a second before responding, and then realized that I needed a few minutes to contemplate next steps.

So that's exactly what I gave myself.

I said, "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting this--I need five minutes to contemplate this, and I will call you back then." I took those five minutes to take a drink of water, think about the circumstance and formulate a plan. I rejoined the conversation with a solution in mind, and with my calm restored.

Note that I didn't ask permission to take a pause. I said I needed it, and I took it. I didn't ask to revisit this later, or have any uncertainty. I said I would call back in five minutes, and I did.

The post talking about bananas was focused on using a jarring word to stop a negative communication pattern and give the parties an opportunity to take a break and restore a discussion when cooler minds have an opportunity to prevail. Today's post is about recognizing that a pause can be useful in a variety of contexts--and you should always feel empowered to call for one when you feel that you need it.