Hold on to your kids

We need to hold on to our kids. When I told my son this, he was startled and said, “Oh no, you are going to be one of those clingy moms”. I explained to him that what I meant was that I will always be there for him and for his sister. I told him that I don’t believe in the mindset, “You are 18, now leave”. I told him that I will always be his mom, I will still hug and kiss him, and I will continue to cook his favorite meals for as long as I live.

A couple of years ago, I wrote an article title, 'Why I think a woman’s place is in the kitchen’ where I reflected on the power and importance of the kitchen as a space for nurturing family connections, friendships, and wellbeing. I find that my place in the kitchen every day helps me connect with my teenage kids in a way that no one can. I get to hear about what is happening in their lives — their frustrations with academics, their exhaustion with school work, their disappointments, their excitement, their humor — all of it is on full display at the kitchen counter over meals I cook for them. If it wasn’t for the kitchen, my kids would disappear into their rooms with their laptops, headphones and their phones. This happens anyway and I cannot really do much about it. But it happens after I have had the chance to connect with them. This is invaluable.

Families of children with disabilities often refer to children without disabilities as “normal” or “typical” kids. However, the reality today is that there are no “normal” kids — everyone is struggling with something.

The mental health crisis among teenagers has been a growing concern, with various statistics highlighting the severity of the issue:

U.S. Statistics (CDC, 2021):

• Over 40% of high school students reported feeling persistently sad or hopeless.
• 22% of teens seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021, with 9% actually attempting suicide.

Anxiety and Depression:

Anxiety disorders affect 31.9% of adolescents aged 13–18, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

Depression rates among adolescents have been rising steadily, with 16% of teens experiencing at least one major depressive episode in 2022 (NIMH).

Effects of Social Media:

Studies indicate that excessive social media use is linked to higher rates of depression and anxiety, especially among teens. About 46% of teens report that they use the internet “almost constantly” (Pew Research, 2022).

These statistics reflect a significant and urgent need to address mental health issues among teenagers, as these trends have worsened in recent years due to various factors, including the pressures of social media and the pandemic.

I live in Palo Alto, the city that is known to be the home of silicon valley. But do you know that the Palo Alto also is the place where high school kids commit suicide by throwing themselves in front of a moving train. Every time I drive over those tracks to drop my kids to school, my stomach turns. I cant help but think about how much pain and isolation these kids suffered before they decided to end their lives.

My son once hugged me in tears after deleting Snapchat and YouTube from his phone because he felt he couldn’t stop using them. Of course, peer pressure led him to reinstall the apps a few weeks later. The truth is, whether disabled or not, today’s kids are in serious danger. To make matters worse, parents are stressed, distracted, and unsure of how to raise Gen Z and Gen Alpha because they don’t “understand” their language or culture. My argument is that you don’t need to understand their language. As parents, our job is to nurture, love, and be there for our kids. Instead, we’re letting them be consumed by apps. We need to step up and take responsibility as parents.

I am currently reading the book, ‘Hold on to your kids’ where the authors emphasize the importance to being a constant, loving presence in your child’s life. The book makes several points that I also make in my article —

• Connection — it is important to connect with your kids and build a strong relationship with them.
• Guidance — your kids need to feel comfortable about coming to you for guidance not their peers. If they don't feel like they can trust you then there is no way you can help them!
• Be present — get off your phone! Listen, observe and respond to your kids!
• Rituals and Traditions — Create them if you don't have them as a family. Your kids will remember them even when they become parents.
• Love and nurture — We are humans. We thrive when we are nurtured. Don’t stop nurturing your children.

Sometimes I cannot understand anything my kids are saying. No cap, slay, vibe, mood, lit, bet, flex, tea….the list goes on. But I listen, I learn, I observe, I respond. They laugh when I try to talk their language but they respect me for trying to learn it. I dont get why they do what they do but I trust them to make the right decisions and for knowing right from wrong.

But if there is one thing that is a constant — when they get home — I am in the kitchen. Waiting.

Perhaps we don’t need to learn any new language.

Perhaps the language of LOVE is enough to save our kids.