How to get off the treadmill of life

2 years ago I got off the treadmill. Here’s how you can too.

It was December 2017.

I was in a job that had me feeling trapped. My role had evolved away from my core expertise and I found myself being the person who could hustle and get sh*t done, rather than someone who was truly doing what I loved. As the primary breadwinner, fear of making ends meet had me paralysed.

At home, hubby was working part time in the only job he could get. A good 10 rungs below what he was capable of and so his mental health and ego was taking a beating every day.

The kids were in a lot of before and after school care and I became a drill sergeant who was constantly yelling at them to hurry up, go faster and keep moving because we were always late and I always should have been somewhere else by now.

I could count on one hand the number of times hubby and I had talked of anything but logistics or life admin. Talking car insurance options does not a romantic evening make!

In short, I was existing on the treadmill of life. Just slogging my way through every day, collapsing into bed each night, exhausted from running since dawn yet never feeling like I actually accomplished anything, or made a dent in the to list. There was little thought to joy, or fun - who had time for that!

But as I stared ahead at 2018 I knew I couldn’t keep going on like this.

The treadmill was speeding up and I was seriously running out of stamina. It was only a matter of time before I would fall off and the consequences for me and those I loved would be nothing short of catastrophic.  

It was time to stop the insanity and the mistaken belief that I could just keep going. If I can just find a little more time. Just get up earlier. Just get through this project at work. Wait until after the next birthday.

None of it worked. And it was never going to.

Two years later I am ready to face into the new decade with excitement, gratitude and joy. I’m doing work that I love, my family is thriving and I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. Is life perfect? No! Of course not, and I’d never expect it to be. But is it light years away from how it used to be? Hells yes!

So what did I do, and how can you hack the code to ensure you enter the new decade certain it will be your best yet?

I discovered gratitude

When you spend your day waiting to be thrown under the bus, you tend to find plenty of evidence that it either has happened or live in certainty that it will.

Likewise, when you're always focused on what you don't have - that promotion, the clean house, time for lunch - it's no surprise that your focus on lack brings more lack into your life. You are passed over for promotion, all you see is a messy kitchen at home and you resign yourself to a diet of office biscuits scoffed at 3pm.

Instead, you shift focus. To the opportunities before you and the huge potential that you know you're capable of. You realise how much you appreciate your home and the memories you've created in it. You're thankful that you have such abundant energy and know you'll refuel your body with good food in just a few hours.

Where focus goes, energy flows.

By realising that I was looking at the wrong side of the coin, my entire outlook on my day shifted. Instead of being grumpy, I was excited. Instead of feeling trapped, I felt a sense of wonder at where my future could take me. Instead of being disempowered I was grateful for my brain and my heart which I knew would lead me to the right place.

I'm not the first one to mention this, but there's a reason it's up there in terms of buzz words right now. It works! Focusing on gratitude now floods me with energy and has completely changed my outlook on life.

I stopped feeling guilty

This one is easy to say but very difficult to do. As a mum, guilt has almost become a rite of passage that we’re expected to carry with pride.

Well I call B.S. on that belief as guilt has little benefits beyond making you feel crap. It makes you tired, makes you punish yourself and means you’re never able to be present with those around you.

I was a rockstar when it came to guilt! I could heap it on like it was nobody's business!

I felt guilt when I hit snooze (because I should have meditated instead), when I left the house to go to work (because I should have left earlier but the little one was having a meltdown over breakfast), while I was at work (because I wanted to work and didn’t miss my kids - guilty for not feeling guilty - that’s a good one!). The list goes on.

So how did I let go of all this baggage?

I started using one key phrase - I choose.

Instead of getting up, I choose to gift myself an extra 9 mins sleep. I choose to give my little one a cuddle to calm her rather than leave mid-toast crisis. I choose to work, to provide for my family and fuel my ambition that makes me a better human and a better mum.

That simple shift from living in a world of 'should' - should get up, should stay later, should be elsewhere - to choosing, changed everything. Suddenly, I was in control. I was the boss of me. And I became present where I was.

No surprise I became more focused, more productive and found a level of peace that I'd not felt in a long time.

I learned to be uncomfortable

We are hardwired to resist change. Our brain is innately lazy and knows that because you survived yesterday, you should do the same thing again to ensure you make it through today.

The challenge becomes when you decide that what you have today isn't what you want tomorrow. That makes us uncomfortable. It's reaching into the unknown. We might fail. That might, in turn make us a failure. Which becomes proof that we're not enough. And deep down, that's a fear that plagues almost every single one of us.

So what's the alternative? Einstein told us the definition of insanity and that's doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Many of us live here. Hoping things will change. Wishing things will get better. Waiting for a fairy godmother to wave her magic want.

We live in a culture that wants everything easy, fast and fun. That's not where the real magic is.

The magic is in embracing fear. I learned to control the meaning I was giving different thoughts, activities and behaviours. Uncomfortable became my new normal.

Did you know fear and excitement are actually the same feeling? The same changes happen in your body? So why not choose excitement? Why not be giddy with the possibilities that await?

So I decided to start my own business. I decided to join the ranks of the fearless with no regular income, no certainty and no security. I decided the odds weren't stacked against me but were working for me and that if I believed in myself, I was unstoppable.

 These the three hacks - discovering gratitude, letting go of the guilt and learning to be uncomfortable - are simple, but they are not easy, however learning to master these has been fundamental to me turning my life around.

They can be for you too. Adopting these will see you move into the new decade with excitement, enthusiasm and energy, knowing anything is possible if you're able to be the best version of you.

Here's to your success in 2020 and beyond.

******

You may also like:

The secret complex secretly sabotaging women's careers There's something hard wired in us that stops women from stepping up at work and it's got to be overcome if you're to have a fulfilling job you love with the impact, influence, and income you deserve.