How to be an introvert ally - and why you should

As Pride month comes to an end, there has been a lot posted on the subject of allyship - but do we really understand what allyship means?

Taking Pride as an example, allyship isn't using a rainbow logo for a month each year to sell your brand, or issuing a statement in support of the LGBTQIA+ community.

This is performative, not authentic, allyship.

What is an ally?

An ally is when a person from the majority group actively supports those who aren't part of the majority group.

Nicole Asong Nfonoyim-Hara, the Director of the Diversity Programs at Mayo Clinic, defines the act of allyship as 'when a person of privilege works in solidarity and partnership with a marginalised group of people to help take down the systems that challenge that group's basic rights, equal access, and ability to thrive in our society.'

Allyship doesn't necessarily require grand gestures; small actions can be impactful.

It's about helping to lesson the barriers imposed on some people within society.

Intersectionality means that some people face multiple barriers and so it's especially important that these individuals are supported by allies.

Why is allyship important?

Allyship helps to dismantle the systems that oppress certain groups within society.

Inequity in the workplace can have significant impact on wellbeing but also an individual's career.

Organisations often have systems that prevent employees from outside of majority groups from gaining the power to make a change; these individuals or groups don't have the same voice as those from the majority and therefore also don't have the same opportunities.

Using allyship as a diversity and inclusion tool in the workplace challenges this system and uses majority or leadership voices to amplify all voices.

Allies make the workplace, and world, a safer place for all and are critical to achieving workplace inclusion.

Do introverts need allies?

Introverts are one of the most misunderstood groups in both the workplace and society.

They're seen as shy, quiet, or even antisocial. But introverts are just as valuable as extroverts, and they deserve to be treated with respect and understanding.

The misconceptions surrounding introversion can be harmful - not only to the introverts' self-esteem but also in terms of their opportunities for promotion and receiving recognition for the value they bring.

A introverted coaching client of mine, for example, recently received feedback in a performance review that she doesn't have enough presence and 'people may think' she lacks confidence. This feedback didn't relate to her actual deliverables, nor could the manager giving the feedback give any tangible examples to support what he'd said.

He's an extrovert, and almost certainly holds a negative unconscious bias around introversion; he's projecting that bias onto those in his team.

But this is extremely harmful as she's now been told she has areas in need of development (which, ultimately, mean she may not receive her bonus or promotion) when, in actual fact, she's excelling in her role.

It has also negatively impacted her confidence and level of self-belief.

And this is incredibly common: most introverts have had a similar experience in the workplace and also been rejected for roles on the basis that they are 'too introverted'.

Most introverts therefore try to hide their introversion, and fake extroversion, to progress their careers - this often results in mental health issues and burnout.

As around 50% of us are introverts, factor in the additional barrier introversion adds to being from other marginalised groups, and this is a significant issue.

How to Be an Ally to Introverts

Being an ally to introverts is about understanding and respecting their differences.

Here's how you can help create a more inclusivity for introverts and start to become an authentic ally:

Educate Yourself:

Take the time to learn about the experiences, challenges, and issues faced by introverts, as well as the misconceptions surrounding introversion.

For example, the main difference between introverts and extroverts is how we gain, or lose, energy: introverts lose energy through interactions with others and gain energy through alone time.

This doesn't mean that introverts don't like, or want, to be social - they just need time to recharge.

Introverts also have neurological differences that mean they require more time to process information and form ideas, whereas extroverts tend to process by speaking in the moment.

And whilst introverts can be shy or lack confidence, so can extroverts!

Being quiet isn't the same as lacking confidence, or being shy.

Introverts also aren't a monolith - we won't all be the same - and introversion/ extroversion is on a scale/ continuum.

Reading books, like Susan Cain 's 'Quiet', and doing the work to truly understand introversion, will go a long way.

Recognise, and address, your biases and actions:

Reflect on your own biases surrounding introversion. Be willing to confront and challenge your own prejudices.

Continuously work on unlearning harmful beliefs and attitudes: understand that allyship is an ongoing process of self-reflection and growth. It requires continuous learning, self-reflection, and action.

If you're an extrovert, you may be naturally inclined to talk a lot and be the centre of attention. This can be overwhelming for introverts, so try to be mindful of your own behaviour.

Become a safe space:

Practice actively listening to the experiences and concerns of introverts. Validate their feelings and provide space for them to share their stories and perspectives.

Let introverts know that you appreciate them. 

Introverts often feel like they have to apologise for being introverted; let them know that you value their quiet nature and their unique perspective.

Speak up:

Challenge biased, or oppressive, remarks, jokes, or behaviours when you witness them - and in the moment as opposed to after the event.

If you see someone being rude or dismissive to an introvert, speak up. Let them know that it's not okay to treat introverts differently just because they're introverted.

Similarly, be vocal about the accomplishments and talents of your introverted colleagues.

Use your voice to address stereotypes, discrimination, or systemic injustices. By speaking up, you contribute to creating a more inclusive environment.

If someone asks an introvert why they're being 'too quiet' then call them out on it.

If someone says a colleague doesn't have 'leadership qualities' ask them to share a couple of examples of when they've seen that to get them to reflect on how they arrived at that assumption: when asked to justify your thinking it can reveal surface biases. The focus should be on evidence.

Share what you've learnt about introversion with others and encourage them to challenge their own biases.

Be understanding of introverts' needs:

If you're a line manager, talk to your direct reports 1:1 so that you can better understand their individual needs: they may want to spend some time working from home, or benefit from noise-cancelling headphones in open office environments. Listen, rather than making assumptions.

Don't pressure introverts to socialise if they don't want to. 

Introverts may need time to recharge after social interactions, so don't take it personally, or mock them, if they don't want to go out all the time and advocate for those who want to have lunch alone or skip the after work drinks.

Consider whether that 'team building' activity will really benefit ALL members of the team. When planning any form of social event, provide as much detail as possible and make it optional.

If an introvert tells you they need some space, give it to them. Don't try to force them to talk or open up if they're not ready. Respect our boundaries.

Introverts may need more time to process information and make decisions. Don't get frustrated if they don't respond to you right away and always provide processing time.

If you're organising meetings, share an agenda covering the talking points at least 48 hours in advance, ensure the meeting is facilitated so that all voices can be heard (but don't single anyone out) and provide a collaborative follow-up document so that additional ideas can be added post-meeting: this is how you'll get the best out of your introverted colleagues - and don't forget to really consider if a meeting is actually necessary!

Support Inclusive Policies:

Advocate for inclusive policies and practices in your workplace.

Be vocal that introversion should be factored into DEI agendas and support initiatives that promote diversity, equity, and inclusion.

Encourage the implementation of fair hiring practices, accessible facilities, and inclusive policies for introverts.

If your workplace has ERGs, help establish one for introversion - and this should be an official, funded, ERG and not a voluntary one.

Research has found that in places where allyship is encouraged people are more than twice as likely to feel that they belong and more than x1.5 as likely to feel safe - and there are numerous benefits, both personal and business-wise, to employees feeling safe and that they belong.

A Forbes study found that 92% of respondents said that Allyship had been invaluable in their career.

By being an authentic ally, you will be pivotal to driving meaningful change and positively impacting the lives, and wellbeing, of others.

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About Me

I help introverts develop authentic confidence, through coaching, training and digital products, so that they can thrive without having to change who they are, and companies through training, coaching and consultancy, to address the workplace bias towards extroversion.

Through developing my own authentic confidence I have been able to build a life on my terms, working part-time for full-time income, travel solo around the world, work with companies like Google and speak, with confidence, to entire auditoriums. I've already helped thousands of individuals, across 169 countries globally, to develop confidence and communication skills, as well as manage Imposter Syndrome and limiting beliefs. Helping others feel enough is my passion.

If you are an introvert looking to feel more confident, set boundaries to help you balance your time and be able to understand, and communicate, your value to others; a leader looking to better support your introverted talent; or a company committed to achieving intersectional equity and inclusion, DM me or visit my website, to find out more about how I can help you.

Alternatively, you can subscribe to my email list for additional updates and inspiration; I periodically send out free tools and resources to my email subscribers to help with their transformation. Sign up here.