How Self-Judgment Drains Your Energy?

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I Felt Not Good Enough

In my early thirties, I was a successful corporate manager, mom of two small, adorable kids. I loved being in the fast lane of achievement and success at work, but there was a price to pay. When I came home, I would shout at one of my kids and then be horrified at my behavior. My mindset would turn very harsh with judgment and criticism of not being a good enough Mother. I suffered from guilt and shame.

When we judge ourselves, we bring down our energy.

Self-judgment is more than just a negative thought; it’s a pervasive and draining cycle that can affect every aspect of our lives.

Paying a High Price

Studies have shown that self-criticism is linked to increased levels of stress and anxiety, which in turn can lead to physical health issues like addictions and eating disorders. When we constantly judge ourselves, we deplete our mental and emotional energy, making it harder to perform at our best. This negative inner dialogue can make getting motivated and achieving our goals difficult.

Mindfulness: A Path to Energy Renewal

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for breaking the cycle of self-judgment and restoring our energy. It's the practice of paying attention purposefully and nonjudgmentally in the present moment. By embracing mindfulness, we can transform our negative inner dialogue into a more positive and energizing one.

Being Triggered and The Second Arrow Effect

Imagine a bow and arrow. Now imagine being hit not once in the heart but twice. Very painful! This is what I call the “second arrow effect.” The concept is based on the understanding that the first arrow, or trigger, is the event that causes us distress– an event that we may not be able to control. The second arrow is our reaction to our reaction–our self-judgment of how we handled the event. The second arrow we can control, when we are mindful.

We spiral into a cycle of endless self-judgment, draining energy and positivity.

Real-Life Example: Self-Judgment At The Office

Let’s consider a scenario in the corporate world:

Imagine you’re under a tight production and delivery schedule for a new product launch. Your project manager comes into your office in the morning to tell you there’s a problem and they can’t fill the orders in time to meet the delivery schedule. You go ballistic.

After calming down from the initial shock, you realize that you overreacted. You begin to judge yourself repeatedly, compounding the negative effect on your mood and energy. Rather than coming up with constructive ideas about how to better deal with the situation, your focus is on what a terrible team leader you are.

How Self-Judgment Affects Work Performance

Perhaps you’ve been programmed to believe that self-criticism keeps you sharp. However, research proves that it does the opposite. Self-judgment leads to less motivation and greater procrastination. Our brain shifts into a state of inhibition, preventing us from taking action to reach our goals. When we judge ourselves harshly, we are less likely to engage in proactive problem-solving and more likely to experience workplace stress and dissatisfaction.

Steps To Practice Non-Judgmental Mindfulness

Being nonjudgmental in the corporate world means avoiding self-judgment, tapping into positive energy, and growing from the experience. Here are three steps you can take to practice being non-judgmental:

1. Be Mindful of Judgment: Identify situations where you are judging yourself or others. Awareness is the first step to change.
2. Observe With Discernment: Notice the judging part of your thinking without attaching to it.
3. Turn Thoughts Into Growth: Transform your self-judgment into learning opportunities. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation and how you can grow both personally and professionally.

Becoming Clear and Confident

Are you ready to say goodbye to self-judgment? To hear me talk about my path in overcoming overwhelm and criticism, listen to this Linkedin Live: Overcoming Overwhelm with Confidence and Clarity. With intention and practice, you can transform self-criticism into self confidence, leading to a more energized and fulfilling life.

Samantha works with high achieving business owners and managers to be more present, strategic, confident and calm.