love demands progress

I put a lot of pressure on myself. At my job, in my marriage, my health, this newsletter. All of it. I know it’s not healthy and I’m working through it in my personal therapy and conversations with friends and family.

As I’ve been working through this self-impose pressure, this phrase came to me that’s been helpful: shame demands perfection, love demands progress.

I can look at every area of my life and see that shame is the inflated gap between who I am and the unrealistic expectations I project onto myself

Unrealistic Expectations (fantasy/imagination)

Shame (lie)

Who I am (truth)

There’s a difference in having real goals that help you become who you are and want to be vs. idealized futures that only remind you of how far you are from achieving them. They’re like a finish line that moves a little bit further, each time you are about to cross it.

The moment in life that the fear of not doing enough is less than the trus of already being enough is the moment you know peace.

It’s such a fine line because it’s essential to know you could be a healthier, truer and more whole person than you are right now while also trusting that you are no less worthy and valuable should you stay the same the rest of your life.

If any part of you sees perfection in the growth process, you will always feel shame. There’s no other option but to be trapped by this vicious cycle.

Keeping love at the center, forefront and main perspective in which you grow will always lead to progress. Love isn’t always easy or comfortable. It sure as hell hurts more times than it feels good, but it is always trustworthy. What may we keep in mind as we learn to get to know what it means to love?

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head.

Doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the failures of others.

Doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.

Puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.

It’s counter-intuitive because we’ve been taught that unless there’s a finality to something (perfection) then it’s not worth doing or engaging in. The truth is, because growth is infinite (progress), we can live in the freeing reality that no matter where we’ve been, where we are and where we’re going, we’ll always be loved.

Of all the uncertainties in this world, one thing’s for sure, change is inevitable. How you see it and who you become from it, is always up to you.

So take a load off. Lower your shoulders, as my wife likes to remind me. Take the time to be with yourself to know love.

Spend time with a loved one, read a book (for fun!), go on a walk. I recently started planting a garden (more updates on that soon). Anything that helps you slow down and get out of the puppet- like productivity mindset.

Or, you may need to get up. To face your fears and the day at hand. Love may be calling you to progress and be more than who you are today. Face it, whatever it is. Don’t let the perfection trap keep you from the freedom of growing.

Questions

• Where do you feel the pressures of life?
• How can you slow down and truly rest?
• What are you being called to progress in?

Quote

“We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the person who turns back soonest is the most progressive.” - C. S. Lewis