NLP for self-coaching

I hope you are enjoying the heat this summer with Thanda Nimbu Pani. The good part is that there is no need to take vitamin D supplements this summer! Lol! We Nlpers convert every challenge into an opportunity and use reframing for self-coaching! 

In this newsletter, let's dive deep into answering one of my clients' questions: How can I use NLP for self-coaching? 

Before that quick announcement: Our introduction of NLP and coaching with New Code is scheduled for April 20th, Saturday, 11 a.m. IST–2 p.m. IST. 

The link to register is at the end of this article. 

Let’s discuss briefly:

• What is coaching?
• NLP and coaching 
• How can I use tools to self-coach? 

What is coaching? 

Coaching is a process of facilitation by a coach for a coachee to have more choices available in his or her reality! 

But what does it mean? It means very simply that

• If I am stuck in some place, 
• If I am feeling overwhelmed about anything, 
• If I am not getting clarity, 
• If I think that things are not moving ahead, 
• If I get up every day and I don't feel connected, 
• If there is a lack of satisfaction. 

There may be moments when we feel lost. And that’s okay. Arjun was also confused, and Krisna could help him discover his strength! 

What does coaching do?

There is a presupposition in NLP: “We have all the resources within."  We all have it, and you have it too! 

The only simple thing to remember is that when you are in a stuck situation, your brain deletes all the resourceful positive possibilities and limits you to a lack of possibilities! 

In simple words, when you are in a problem and after you speak to your friend, sometimes you say, Array itna simple that, "ab theek lag raha hai, ho jayega!" (Hey, it was so simple; now it's better; it can happen.) 

This is because by exchanging some questions and answers, your brain starts responding differently inside yourself! Coaching, in simple words, also helps to change the brain response, and the coachee starts achieving his goals. However, the deeper we work, the clearer it gets, and we can get rid of old patterns and behaviors! 

It has helped me to discover myself deeply, become a newer version of myself, and support me tremendously in coaching myself and others! 

I am a big, big fan of NLP and coaching! 

Why do I love NLP coaching??

The love of NLP with coaching is the most precious gift in my life, and the reason is that NLP is far deeper. It is about human behavior.

• Why do we think this way? 
• Why do we behave that way?
• Why do we talk that way? 
• Why do we do X things?

NLP can help you learn about yourself through patterns and programs. 

When I learned the coaching framework, I learned that we are asking questions. And the coachee is answering with statements—broader or specific! However, when the coachee is answering, there are certain patterns and non-verbal cues that I couldn’t understand deeply without NLP! 

Only asking questions is not coaching. Communicating based on the client's response by matching his unconscious communication and dancing with his response is deep coaching! 

Tips for Self-Coaching Using NLP: 

1. Know your representation system: Have you ever noticed that some people talk fast and some talk slowly? 

Have you ever noticed that some people use words like see, big, or clear and some use touch, grasp, or get? 

Do you know that we all operate on different systems at different times and in different situations? And this is very interesting!! 

The concept of representational systems is based on our sensory data. We have five senses, and mostly in communication, we operate from: 

Visual, auditory, and/or kinesthetic 

See, hear, or/and feel (we communicate through our senses). 

How can you use this information to know yourself better? 

When you conflict with someone, notice the below: 

1. How do you communicate with X person? Do you talk fast, slow, or moderately?
2. Do you use more visual words like see, picture, or clarity? more auditory words like hear, listen, and talk or kinesthetic words like sense, grip, and touch? 
3. How do you breathe—from your stomach, chest, or upper chest? 
4. How do you move your eyes? 
5. And notice the same for the other person. 
6. Try matching as much as possible with another person’s system! 

And I could match my system with my spouse! 

Previously, I used to have a fast rate of speech while talking to my spouse, and he would have a slow rate of speech. I matched up my speed with his, and we could communicate better! 

My relationship has drastically improved using NLP with my family! 

You can use this information to observe how your spouse, partner, boss, or colleagues talk. 

Whether they use more kinesthetic words like make a run, go for it, get up, chase the numbers, or they use more auditory words like rhythm, this sounds like music. Do you hear me? Let's ring that bell. 

2. Self-coach using positions: 

You are a business owner or professional, a homemaker or parent, and every position we play requires a different state of mind, different physiology, and different tonality! 

Have you observed that you are in your office chair and not able to focus because you are thinking about your family? 

Does one position get over another very naturally and unconsciously, and you feel like you can’t do your work??

This is called the stuck position example. Position is a concept in NLP, and it can be used in varied styles to get over a challenge! 

When we shift positions, physiology shifts, language shifts, and the way we speak or do shifts. It changes our meta-programmes and thinking, and we shift our productivity and performance! 

Next time you find yourself in any stuck position (Position A), do the below: 

1. Get Up 
2. Shake it off. 
3. See yourself from a distance. 
4. See yourself as “You are sitting on that chair, and what are you doing? How do you look, and how do you talk? Visuals and sounds? 
5. Shake it again. The intention is to break this position, which is stuck. 
6. Now come in a power posture (Position B)—like your coach or model you follow, become like them. This is called Act as if FRAME in NLP, and the moment you come into that skin, act as if, see, hear, and feel like your model. 
7. Now that you are standing like a coach or model, what is the suggestion this coach (Position B) can give to the person on the chair (Position A)? 

(As the model sees you sitting on the chair, what answer is the model giving to yourself on the chair? Many people feel the AHA at this moment itself.) 

The hidden intention is to notice our shifts every day and, with practice, be able to shift our positions depending on my needs! 

In simple words, it will help you define your boundaries and also notice how fast you slip into other positions! 

Coach yourself with positions every day!! 

3. Self-coach by creating a powerful state using NLP: The state of mind takes care of everything! I often say it’s not you don’t have time, you don't have states to do or not! 

You are in your office. You want to do a project. If you have a state of mind, you will do great. If you don't have one, it doesn't work. 

You have a presentation coming up. The boss has said something; your state is gone, boom!

You want to go and meet your spouse, and if you are in a state of doubt or fear, can you communicate??

You may understand how important it is to manage your state, and NLP, especially New Code NLP, helps you get states on demand!

NLP classic processes like anchoring, visual squash, and submodality change your states and help you perform much better than before! 

All of these simple techniques can be used as self-coaching tools. 

An example of a Natural Anchor

For example, the sound of one specific song or the bell gives you a state of motivation or relaxation. 

Just before you want to feel that motivation, remember that song, and everything changes, won’t it?

I have also used that for creating performance states in me. 

For example, whenever I pick up the weights, I say “Om Namah Shivay,” and my state changes. And it has become an anchor.

4. Spatial Anchors Example: Get Powerful State: The Circle of Excellence can be used as a technique whenever you want. 

Do this simple process: (I am giving a simple one, and we will learn subjectively depending on individual body responses in our class.) 

• Come out of any stuck position by shaking it off. 
• Visualize a circle in front of you.
• See, hear, and feel all those resources you want to have—courage, confidence, power, etc. (there can be several examples of resources). 
• It seems as if all the resources are building up. 
• Enter the circle and feel the shift. 

This is the simplest way to feel instant shifts in your body and perform better! 

5. Self-Coach Using Meta and Milton Language: Fun with yourself is meta for me! Meta patterns are a model of structure language that can be utilized for change work. 

Let me give you three strong tips to self-coach using META: 

1. How do you know: When you say, I know he/she/they are feeling this about me? Ask loudly How do you know? How do you know? 

We often make assumptions based on experience, and we respond before we even receive any response. In my coaching experience, hundreds of people could unstuck their overthinking just by asking one question: How do I  know?" What's the intention of the assumption? Focus on the facts. 

1. How do I choose to feel this negative way? Whenever you feel negativity inside your body, instead of doing anything else, deal with it by asking How do I choose to feel this in my body? How is my body feeling this inside? What’s happening inside? And we can work on the body level! As Buddha said, everything is inside us! 
2. What would happen if I did? Whenever you feel like I can’t, ask yourself, What would happen if I  did?" Ask it five times, and keep layering this up and up! This is a process of chunking up and provides you with a very powerful way of doing it! 

And if nothing works, definitely write me up; I will give you more, and it will work! 

There is still more I have in my bag, and I would love to share it with you. I like to mentor people to be the best versions of themselves through real-life practical applications! Let’s not talk; let’s do! 

Last tip: If you say I am afraid of what will happen, replace it with something like: 

I am curious to know what else can happen now. 

This is a simple example of using Milton's language and changing states! 

When you use these NLP techniques, it changes you inside out. 

• PHYSIOLOGY
• STATE 
• LANGUAGE 
• RESPONSES 
• PERFORMANCE

Would it be fun to change ourselves using amazing fun techniques? 

We can all learn NLP to self-coach and transform others effortlessly! It is possible to become a master in this subject; the only thing we need is a little time and a bag full of passion and curiosity! 

Well, it is very deep, and I would be happy to see you in the workshop on April 20, 2024, so that you can participate and learn how NLP can be used for self-coaching. Experience it live with me. 

Notes for Advance Coaching: A Simple Example

Let me give a very simple example of coaching others as a coach:  

Supposing I ask a person, after building deep rapport and trust, to meet his intentions: 

Question: What do you want? 

And the person answers, I want to do this X business. 

My job as a coach is to notice “what the person is saying." Not only to notice what the person is saying. 

Do I notice whether the person's eyes are up or down, whether the breath is deep, how he is sitting with his shoulders, and how his tonality is? Am I able to observe the deeper shift? NLP can help me observe those parts more deeply.

There is a deeper observation, and as a coach, I can identify the difference between states A and B! 

If a coach can read that, if a coach can observe the nonverbals and language patterns, the coach can directly work on the patterns that are stuck using other tools, navigate the client to a resourceful state, and get them unstuck at an unconscious level.

If you would like to see more examples of advanced coaching with New Code, you can comment or drop a message! 

Register for the upcoming Workshop happening on Saturday, 20th April from 11 AM-2 PM IST

Happy to provide value to the community! 

See you in the Workshop!

Thanks and regards

Ridhima Dua