Speak to Express, not to Impress!

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Speak to “Express” and not to “Impress”! / 044, 29 Jan 2022

We humans are a social species, and there is a deep-rooted need to fit in to a group or community at all times. In a professional setting, we tend to use filters in our speech, consciously ‘editing’ our words and speaking only those that are likely to get validation from others. In other words, we often speak to impress others and not to express ourselves. I am no different, and have struggled to confidently speak to express in my career. It took me a lot of effort to be comfortable doing that – in today’s article, I share my perspectives on how we can be conscious about speaking to express ourselves, without worrying about impressing others all the time.

Why do we speak to Impress?

We seek constant validation – our desire to gain someone else’s approval or agreement for what we say, or do, or believe in. This is a psychological need for human beings, to feel a sense of belonging within our professional circle. On the contrary, at home, where our sense of belonging is assured and we are not judged, we speak to express because we can be who we are – and we do not need the validation.   

What’s wrong with speaking to Impress?

Speaking to impress means seeking validation. It is like any addiction, we always need more and we don’t know when to stop. In a professional setting this can corrode our natural strengths and capabilities, because – even if we are competent to do a task, we still seek validation from others. We may end up doing different things, and there is real danger of drifting and giving away control to others. (Seeking occasional advice or validation is different, and necessary, while seeking continuous advice or validation is not).  

Learning to speak to Express!

Remember an occasion when you spoke your mind.. whether it was received well or not, you felt good! Speaking to express is the natural order, and a good stress-buster. Speaking to impress will not only create stress, but also stifle creativity and performance. Whereas speaking to express will prevent build-up of stress, and continuously improve our confidence and self-esteem. It is a powerful affirmation tool. Few tips from personal experience:

-         Believe in yourself

-         Write down your deep purpose

-         Articulate what’s on your mind clearly (and always politely)

-         Surround yourself with colleagues who can correct you when needed

-         Stay relaxed, and do not overthink

-         Continue to take advice and help when they’re really needed (and not for validation)

Speaking to express, can, over a period of time, make you feel very liberated amongst colleagues. As the saying goes, work for a cause and not for the applause! I trust you enjoyed reading this article. I invite you to share your own experiences and thoughts surrounding this topic, so that we can build a conversation.

Image courtesy:

Typical speaking tasks | British Council

References:

Why You Need To Stop Seeking Validation And Start Thriving (lifehack.org)