What is holding you back?

“What is holding you back?”

“So what’s stopping you?”

“Why haven’t you made this happen yet?”

These are all common questions that I ask my clients during our coaching sessions when brainstorming a new goal or idea.

The answers all share a common theme – they are all forms of resistance.

In this article, I want to break down the two types of resistance, and more importantly, share some strategies on how to overcome them.

What is resistance?

Resistance is the cause of an unlived life.

It’s the energy that draws us away from doing what’s necessary to get where we want.

It's taxing and it's exhausting.

Half the battle in doing anything is fighting off all the distractions, internal dialogues and people that get in the way of just doing what needs to be done.

It applies to any goal or objective.

Doing more exercise. Eating better. Looking for a new job. Starting a business.

Resistance will be there.

Steven Pressfield talks about it in his book The War of Art.

Napoleon Hill also characterises it in Outwitting the Devil.

Resistance itself is internal and invisible.

But the symptoms of resistance are tangible.

The obvious ones are procrastination, but deeper forms are self-medication through substances or bad habits.

Resistance is the ‘thing’ that puts self-doubt into our minds and convinces us that we have no value.

Nothing to say, nothing to contribute and nothing to create.

Resistance is the ‘thing’ that urges us to get dessert after dinner when on a new diet.

It convinces us to snooze the alarm instead of waking up early.

And it’s what keeps us glued to our phones instead of doing the deep, focused work.

The end result?

A deep bitterness and anger that comes from an unfulfilled life.

Resistance is inevitable

Back in 2016 when I started overcoming my fear of public speaking, I spent so much time trying to eliminate fear, because that’s what I thought all the professionals did.

Literally, for years on end, I spent endless hours learning techniques and reading books on eliminating fear.

Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t stop me from taking action and doing public speaking, but my effort always felt heavy.

It felt like I was living life with the handbrake on.

Constantly fighting against a force pulling me in the opposite direction.

The truth was that most of the professionals I spoke to never eliminated their fear.

They just got better and better at doing what they intended to do, despite the fear they felt.

Once I came to this realisation, everything changed for me.

Fear (a form of resistance) wasn’t something to be avoided – it was something to be overcome.

Internal Resistance

Internal resistance is all the different ways that YOU hold yourself back.

The 3 most common forms of internal resistance are:

• Fear – the fear of failure or the fear of change are the most common ones.
• Self-confidence – feeling like you are not good enough to do it now
• Other people's opinions – social programming is a strong factor. It includes culture, religious beliefs, family and friends.

The common thread with all forms of internal resistance is that they are just thoughts. Thoughts that are transient and passing.

Our thoughts are not us, nor do they have to dictate our decision-making. They are nothing more than pieces of information being received by your brain.

You can’t always ignore your thoughts, but you can always exercise choice – not to act or believe in what your thoughts tell you.

External Resistance

While your relationship with your thoughts and actions are in your control, everything outside of that is not.

This is where external resistance comes in.

 It includes:

• People you interact with.
• Substances you consume.
• Objects and devices.
•  Environments.

And many others. The list is endless!

Part and parcel of any journey through change includes distractions that are beyond our control.

Some can be controlled, but most just have to be managed.

The energy audit tool created by Rich Litvin is a great tool for identifying these forms of resistance.

The exercise is as follows

1.     List all of the people, objects, and places that drain you of energy.

2.     For each item on your list, write down why you interact with it and list the benefits it/they bring to your life.

3.     For each item on your list, consider what you can do to remove the person, place or habit from your life, or consider how you can turn a negative energy drain into a positive energy source.

How to Defeat Resistance

So how do you defeat resistance if it can’t be avoided?

Simple, face it head-on, day in and day out.

Resistance isn’t a bad thing. It's a positive sign that you are pursuing something meaningful.

We all face fear, doubt and procrastination.

Any idealised vision of being able to execute on a goal without any internal or external resistance is improbable.

Instead, when you expect to face resistance and tackle it head-on, daily, you are prepared and ready.

It allows you to shift from being frustrated with the resistance that occurs, to being proactive and thinking about what needs to be done in order to remove the obstacle in front of you.

You are the biggest loser

When you succumb to the resistance within yourself or in your world, ultimately, it’s you who loses out the most.

You miss out on the goals you always wanted. The life that you want remains more vivid in your mind than in real life.

But it isn’t just about unrealised potential and all the negativity and resentment that builds up inside you.

Not doing the work hurts others, not just yourself.

You are denying other people the opportunity to see your greatness.

There might be people out there crying out for the value and support that only you can provide.

The untapped potential, with resistance standing in the way, might be the only thing stopping you from helping the people who need your value the most.

Summarising thoughts

The more resistance you feel, the more sure you can be that it is the best thing for your growth and development.

The greater the fear, the greater the reward.

Private victories precede public victories.

You’ve probably heard sayings like this before.

All point to the path of mastery achieved by overcoming resistance, both inside and out.

What are the things that you want to do, but are currently holding back from?

If you would like to have a conversation, I would be happy to gift you some of my time to explore further.

Send me a message, and we can arrange a meeting.