What I want you to know about having dyspraxia

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Dyspraxia comes with common strengths as well as common challenges.

For most of my life I blamed Dyspraxia for all of my challenges, until some coaching from a Dyspraxia specialist helped me see that I was looking at it with a negative lens.

My coach asked me what my strengths were - always an awkward question to answer! I reluctantly said that I’d always been praised for leadership qualities - from being nominated to be the captain of my football team (much to my surprise) to leading a team of 30 people at a relatively young age.

“Yep, very common for Dyspraxic people to have leadership qualities,” my coach told me. “What else?”

“I guess public speaking, something I do a lot in my role as workshop facilitator.” Again, she told me this was very common.

“I suppose I’m proud of my genuine curiosity and have always been told I’m empathetic.” Once again, she confirmed this was common across the people with Dyspraxia that she had coached.

Knowing this helped me see that Dyspraxia wasn’t just holding me back, but was also a key driver in the things I pride myself on and the things I’m now doing in my career.

She encouraged me to celebrate finding a role that allows me to play to my strengths, and I reflected I must credit some very important leaders in my career with seeing these skills in me, developing them and embracing them.

There are challenges related to what people expect of you

After delivering a workshop, I often hear, “you must be exhausted” or “all this public speaking, I don’t know how you do it!” These traditionally ‘hard’ tasks have always felt very natural to me.

But on the flip side, my worst experiences have been when leaders and colleagues saw me struggle with ‘easy’ tasks; they became exasperated with me, called me lazy or assumed I think I’m too good to complete an easy task.

Through my work in DEI, I’ve learnt that this is a question of cultural competency. These leaders could only see these tasks through their own lens and never considered that neurodivergence - rather than laziness or arrogance - was causing me to struggle.

My takeaway here is that ‘easy’ and ‘hard’ tasks are subjective cultural norms, not objective facts. I can’t hide my dyspraxia, but I can be open about it.

Changing the narrative

My coach has encouraged me to reframe my approach to things I “can’t do”. Whilst there may be certain things I’ll likely always struggle with, other things are a possibility to get good at I’ve got the potential to improve at other tasks, just with a bit more of an effort.

Dyspraxia is sometimes called DCD (developmental coordination delay) and I can say from experience that whilst I struggled to learn to drive, cook and play sports, I can now do all those things at a reasonable level. 

For example, I recently started boxing and I kept telling instructors it was my first class - right up to my 20th class! My coach had given me confidence that although I may learn slower, it would eventually click. I’m not an accomplished boxer by any means, but the instructors usually give me positive feedback as they walk past now.

Different, not lesser

Although I ask for understanding, I don’t want to be treated as lesser, but rather as different. I still care deeply about the quality of my work and take considerable pride in things going well. My workshops get very good feedback and I say this not to promote myself, but to normalise the idea of Dyspraxic people achieving things.

There’s a great saying that “inclusion isn’t a cake” -  it’s not limited and we all deserve our share.

So when I receive criticism that I’m asking for special treatment, or that someone without dyspraxia also struggles with a task, I encourage people to be empathetic. I ask for understanding from my colleagues, friends and family and I am understanding in return – regardless of whether they are neurodivergent.

My final takeaway is for other Neurodivergent people. Give yourself dedicated time to really understand yourself, or get a coach if you can. By dedicating some time to really get to grips with how Dyspraxia was affecting me I was able to take control of it! It doesn’t mean there are never challenges but at least I can take approach them with knowledge and positive habits.