WHAT IS A NORMAL OR ACCEPTABLE LEVEL OF ‘FEAR OR ANXIETY’?

Fear and anxiety happen all the time, it’s one of the things our brains uses to regulate the things we do. Even things we regards as small now, can become big things as we get older.

Let me give you an example, let’s say you are going away for the weekend.

Before and after you leave the house, your brain is doing its checklist: -

·         Did I lock the back door?

·         Did I shut the bathroom window?

·         Did I water the house plants?

·         Did I lock the door on the way out?

This is a normal level of anxiety that the brain uses to manage our life. The brains use anxiety to order things and help us sort our life out. When we are young or at our peak this is a normal and natural thing, but for older people they might go back three times to check that they locked the door, my mum is like this, bless her.

Sometimes things can get out of hand, our brains start to go ‘above and beyond’ they start inventing scenarios and getting us to check the minutiae. We start to imagine scenarios and double check everything, it starts to question the answer we just gave. Did I water the house plants? Or did I water all the house plants as well as the one in the bathroom?

When our level of anxiety gets out of hand, we must get a grip of it and pull it back into reality, that’s often easier said than done, when you are feeling ‘high anxiety’ or ‘fear’, especially over what most of the time we would regard as small things.

Back in October 2018, my wife and I decided we needed to separate and get divorced. It was a slow and long-drawn-out process; we did not start proceedings until the following June and for an 18-month period until we finally agreed a settlement, it was like living in a war zone. We both spent this time walking on eggshells, being incredible anxious and stressed. It had a huge impact on every aspect of our lives, not just with each other but the family and our kids. It affected our ability to do our jobs at work, and every other relationship we had in our lives.

It squashed our ability to deal with people and our ability to regulate our relationships with everyone. We were not prepared for the journey or the impact that it would have on us or those closest to us and ultimately it seriously affected my ability to do my job, getting ‘panic attacks’ coming into the office is not a great start to your day.

This was the first time I really became aware or experienced ‘Mental Health’ as well as ‘Fear and Anxiety’. Prior to this I had largely surfed through life.

Fear and anxiety can build up over time, it does not have to be a life changing event for you to be anxious and fearful, it can just be a build-up of life pressure or work stresses (Burnout) but regulating your fear and anxiety is the important thing.

Anxiety is a natural response to perceived threats or stress and can be influenced by various factors:

• Biological Factors: Genetics, brain chemistry, and hormonal changes can increase susceptibility to anxiety. The menopause is often a time when woman get triggered, they have a lot to deal with during this time and it can be years.
• Psychological Factors: Certain personality traits, negative thinking patterns, trauma, and chronic stress contribute to anxiety.
• Environmental Factors: Stressful life events, social pressures, and lack of support can trigger anxiety. Building a good friendship network is important, taking time out to manage all the extra thinking. Moving house, starting a new job, divorce, loss of a family member, burnout or even imposter syndrome.
• Behavioural Factors: Avoidance behaviours and substance use can worsen anxiety.
• Health Conditions: Chronic illnesses and other mental health disorders often co-occur with anxiety.
• Fear of the Unknown: Uncertainty about the future and fear of failure or rejection are common anxiety triggers. “Will I lose my job, am I good enough” Imposter syndrome.
• Lifestyle Factors: Poor sleep, lack of exercise, and unhealthy diets can contribute to anxiety.
• Cultural Influences: Media exposure and societal expectations can heighten anxiety.

Understanding these factors can help in identifying anxiety triggers and managing them effectively.

Managing anxiety involves several strategies:

• Lifestyle Changes: Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep help reduce anxiety.
• Mindfulness and Relaxation: Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can calm the mind.
• Cognitive Behavioural Strategies: Therapies like CBT and exposure therapy help change negative thought patterns.
• Medication: Prescription medications may be used under medical guidance.
• Support Systems: Building a strong network of friends, family, or support groups provides emotional support.
• Coping Strategies: Stress management, setting realistic goals, and self-compassion are key.
• Limiting Triggers: Reducing screen time, caffeine, and other stimulants can help.
• Mind-Body Practices: Activities like yoga, tai chi, and aromatherapy promote relaxation.
• Professional Help: Therapy and medication management may be necessary for severe cases.
• Stay Engaged: Pursuing hobbies, interests, or volunteer work helps maintain a positive focus.

Combining these strategies creates a tailored approach for yourself, to regulate your stress, anxiety and fear.

We need to build these into our general lifestyle and flex these when we need to, to avoid overthinking and becoming more anxious than is sensible. We often run or go for a walk to destress; it can help with the ‘flight, freeze or fight’ response that anxiety can deliver. Meditation or mindfulness can also help.

Sometimes it’s good to be able to speak with someone about how you are feeling. I was lucky during my divorce because I had a coach and friend to speak with on a regular basis, he would call me just to see ‘how I was’ on a daily basis. Having a coach to speak with can really help manage your fear and anxiety.

Not everyone has a close friend or someone to speak with or they may want, someone who is more neutral or detached, someone not connected to their day-to-day life. Someone who won’t judge them, someone who will listen, give them options without telling them what they must do. The last thing you need is being anxious about being anxious but getting help and support for being anxious is important.

If you need someone “to sit in the mud with you”, someone to listen to you, give clarity to your thinking, DM me or call me, I am here to help, remember you are not alone

       About the Author

Howard Longstaff has over 30 years of experience delivering people within the talent acquisition arena, working extensively across the UK, Europe, USA, and Canada. Specialising in building ‘Sales Teams’, and back filling roles in the Leadership Team, (the C-Suite), helping to get the balance right.

‘Getting it right first time’ is never easy, Howard is one of the few executive search consultants who is willing to guarantee the work he does, offering a 12-month free replacement. ‘No one is perfect, but a team can be’, working with SaaS startups, SEM’s and Mid-Market clients who are scaling up, working on an exclusive or retained basis.

Repeatedly building teams across three continents, he has a good breadth of knowledge across the talent acquisition and enterprise software arenas.

Over the last 20 years he has also coached 1000’s of people, staff, clients and candidates, either career coaching or general life coaching. Now as a ‘Full-Stack People Consultant he spends his time coaching and placing people.

howard@william-howard.com  +44 (0) 7710 907 988