Why We Break Promises to Ourselves, and How to Stop: A Path to Greater Self-Trust and Fulfillment

We've all made promises to ourselves—whether it's committing to exercise regularly, prioritizing self-care, embarking on a new career goal, vowing to curtail spending, or changing the way we interact with a difficult person.

When we break these promises we often experience feelings of guilt, frustration, and disappointment.

Why do we break our promises, and how can we change this pattern?

Understanding the Consequences of Broken Promises

Breaking promises to ourselves can have profound impacts on our emotional and mental well-being, such as:

• Eroded Self-Trust: Each broken promise chips away at our self-confidence, making us doubt our ability to achieve goals and keep our word.
• Increased Stress and Anxiety: Not honoring commitments can lead to feelings of chaos and overwhelm, contributing to stress and anxiety.
• Decreased Motivation: The cycle of setting goals, not achieving them, and losing the drive to try again can diminish our motivation over time.
• Impact on Personal Growth: Breaking promises can stall our journey toward personal growth, preventing us from reaching our full potential.

I had a situation a few years ago, where I was helping someone. I really wanted to help, but knew that at a certain point I would need to step back, and I made this clear up-front. I wanted to be involved at the start, but not on an ongoing basis.

When the time came for me to leave, and I made it clear that I was ready, I allowed myself to be persuaded by others who told me they needed me. They made me feel that I needed to stay longer and, even though I knew this was not the right thing for me, I did it.

It took me about 5 years before I was finally able to walk away from that situation. And those were 5 very stressful years. This was the turning point for me. This experience made me vow to trust myself and never allow myself to be persuaded or manipulated by others. I am committed to never break promises to myself again.

Why We Break Promises to Ourselves

Understanding why we break promises is the first step towards change:

• Lack of Clarity and Specificity: Vague goals and intentions are hard to follow through on. Clear and specific goals provide direction and focus.
• Overcommitment: Taking on too much at once can lead to burnout and broken promises.
• Fear of Failure or even Success: Sometimes, avoiding failure or success feels safer than risking it, leading us to break promises to ourselves.
• External Pressures: Expectations and demands from others can divert our attention and energy away from personal commitments.
• Limiting Self-Beliefs: Deep-seated limiting beliefs about our worth and capabilities will sabotage our efforts and keep us from following through.

How to Keep Your Promises

Here are some practical strategies to help you honor your commitments to yourself:

• Set Clear, Specific Goals and Intentions: Define your promises clearly. Instead of vague goals like "I want to exercise more," set specific targets like "I will walk for 30 minutes every day after work."
• Start Small: Begin with small, manageable commitments. Success with smaller goals builds confidence and momentum for bigger ones.
• Prioritize Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that breaking a promise is not a failure but an opportunity to learn something about yourself.
• Create a Supportive Environment: Surround yourself with supportive people and create an environment that makes it easier to keep your promises. This might mean organizing your space, setting reminders, or seeking accountability from friends or family.
• Address Underlying Fears and Beliefs: Reflect on any fears or negative beliefs that might be holding you back. Consider working with a coach or therapist to explore these deeper issues and develop strategies to overcome them.
• Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. This reinforces positive behavior and boosts your motivation.
• Practice Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Stay connected to your thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness can help you recognize when you're veering off track and bring you back to your commitments with greater awareness.
• Review and Adjust Regularly: Periodically review your goals and progress. Adjust your commitments as needed to ensure they remain realistic and aligned with your current situation and priorities.
• Commit: Ensure that you are 100% committed to yourself and your personal growth and improved quality of life.

Reflective Questions to Inspire Change

To help you internalize these insights and make meaningful changes, consider reflecting on the following questions:

• What promises have I made to myself recently? Which ones have I kept, and which have I broken?
• How did breaking these promises make me feel? How did it impact my self-trust and motivation?
• What fears or beliefs might be contributing to my habit of breaking promises to myself?
• What small, specific promise can I make to myself today that I know I can keep?
• How can I create a supportive environment and seek accountability to help me honor my commitments?

Your Path to Inner Peace and Fulfillment

Honoring your promises to yourself takes you on a path to greater peace and fulfillment. Each step you take towards keeping your commitments strengthens your self-trust, reduces stress, and energizes your motivation. It aligns you more closely with your true self and your deepest desires.

By understanding why you break promises to yourself and implementing these strategies to change, you're setting the stage for profound personal growth and transformation.

You have the power to change your experiences and become the person who consistently honors their commitments, living a life of authenticity and alignment.

Feel free to reach out if you need guidance or support on this journey. Together, we will turn your promises into reality, helping you achieve the success and fulfillment you know you deserve.