Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time
Just don't feel like goin' to work
I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I've got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say?
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today

I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear
Watching "Ernest Goes to Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy now anyway
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today

I can do anything I want to
I am invincible now
I'm on fire, baby
I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
I'm alive!

Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun
And trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from
My belly button lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away

Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today