[Chorus]
It's been one week since we got to see
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a She-Male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watching a bit too much Jerry Springer

[Verse 1]
Holy cow, did you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all?
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
And now here comes Jerry's next guest
And it's a slugfest
'Cause it's her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack
It's like When Animals Attack!
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
They're always swearin', cursin', kicking butt, and pointing blame
On the air? They don't care, they got no shame
There was this one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

[Chorus]
It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter feud
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday it finally dawned on me
I'm spending way too much time on that Jerry Springer

[Bridge: Weird Al and Tress MacNeille]
Baby, I've been sleeping with your sister
Oh? Well, which one?
All of them
Oh! Well, I've been sleeping with your best friend Jake!
Oh, yeah? Well, me too!
And I've been sleeping with your dog Woofie!
Oh! Woofie, you b*tch! Well, I'm also sleeping with your pet goat!
That goat doesn't love you!

[Verse 2]
Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation
He's a sensation
He puts the "sin" in "syndication"
It's totally worthless, like a bad check
It's like a train wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away
Like Sally Jessy, he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher every day
If you've seen the show, well, then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon, some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's boom
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen
Well it's the kinda show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
"Jerry! Jerry!", now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't!
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

[Chorus]
It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some loser's wife said she's still dating 20 guys
Three days since he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watching a bit too much Jerry Springer

[Outro]
Tired of wasting my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger