Anger as a Learned Behavior: Echoes of Our Upbringing

Hello, and welcome back to our series on anger and resentment. In our last chat, we uncovered the different types of anger and why it is crucial to understand this intense emotion. Today, we will reflect on childhood memories. Growing up, how did the adults around you handle their anger? Think about what you observed in your parents or caregivers. How much of that has shaped the way you express your anger?

The Roots of Our Anger

"It's just like my dad's temper" or "I snap just like my mom used to" are phrases we often hear. They are not coincidental. In many cases, the foundation of how we express anger today is shaped early in our lives, modelled by those closest to us. Whether through sharp words by parents or a calm discussion following a stressful event, these moments teach us what anger looks like and how to handle it.

Learned Expressions: A Closer Look

1. Modeling Behavior: If a father reacts to his frustration by yelling or throwing things, his child might learn to respond similarly. It is a direct form of learning—seeing and then doing.
2. Reinforcement: Consider a child who throws a tantrum & parents reward them with what the child wants to keep the peace. This behavior teaches the child that anger is an effective tool for getting what they want, reinforcing the tantrum behavior for future wants.
3. Different Responses: Interestingly, not all children who see aggressive forms of anger in their homes grow up to express anger in the same way. Some may choose quieter, more controlled responses—either as a conscious decision or subconsciously, driven by Negative outcomes they witness from explosive anger.

Reflecting on Our Patterns

Think about the last time you were angry at something or someone. How did you handle it? Was there a moment that felt like an echo of someone else’s anger from your past? Identifying these patterns can be the first step towards understanding—and ultimately changing—our habitual responses to anger.

Defense Mechanisms and Anger

When we react with anger, sometimes our brains jump to defend our actions, even if they are not constructive. This is when defense mechanisms kick in:

• Rationalization: Making excuses for our anger or actions, like: "they deserved it", or "I had no choice".
• Displacement: Redirecting our anger from its source to someone less intimidating or more accessible, like snapping at a partner or child after a bad day at work.

Positive Redirects: The Art of Sublimation

On a brighter note, anger doesn’t always have to lead to Negative outcomes. Sublimation is a psychological defense mechanism that allows us to transform unacceptable impulses into something beneficial, for example, turning feelings of anger into motivation for a creative outlet or physical activity. This transformation will not only help manage anger but can also lead to profound personal growth.

Activity: The Anger-to-Art Exercise

One effective way to practice sublimation is through the Anger-to-Art exercise. This activity will encourage you to transform your anger into a piece of art, leveraging creative expression as a therapeutic outlet.

Steps to follow:

1. Identify the Trigger: Whenever you feel anger bubbling up, take a moment to identify what triggered this emotion. Write these triggers on a piece of paper.
2. Set Up a Creative Space: Prepare a space where you can be undisturbed for some time. Gather your art supplies — paints, colored pencils, clay, fabric, or even a digital art app on your tablet or computer.
3. Create With Your Emotions: Start creating something that represents your feelings. It's okay if you are not an artist; this activity is about expression, not perfection. Let your emotions guide your hands. If you are angry, use bold, heavy strokes or intense colors. If your anger feels tight and constricted, you might want to sculpt something with clay.
4. Reflect: After you have finished, step back and reflect on the experience. How do you feel now? Often, you will find that creating has altered your emotional state. This reflection can be a powerful way to understand your emotions and find peace.
5. Regular Practice: Make this a regular practice. Over time, you will have a creative outlet for your emotions and a growing collection of personal art that tells the story of your emotional journey.

Sublimation is not just about managing anger; it is about transforming your approach to challenging emotions and using them to fuel personal growth and creativity. Regularly engaging in activities like the Anger-to-Art exercise, you develop a healthy habit of managing anger and enrich your life.

Conclusion

As we wrap up today’s exploration of anger as a learned behavior, take a moment to reflect on how you might reshape your relationship with anger. Are there new strategies you could try to express your emotions more constructively?

Understanding is just the beginning—applying these insights is where real change happens. Join us in our next session as we continue to uncover practical ways to manage and channel our anger constructively. Share your experiences and insights in the comments below or join our upcoming webinar to discuss with peers. Every story adds a layer to our collective understanding and helps us all grow.

Reference Links

To enrich your understanding and provide empirical backing, here are a few studies and resources that explore the psychology of anger and its management: