Controlling What and How Things Happen
✦ Matt Zinman ✦
Resilience Builder | Burnout Crusader | Author | Speaker | Corporate Trainer | Podcast Host | Happierness Mindset Advocate | Nonprofit Founder
The control we truly have over what happens can be guided by how and why they do.
Putting this into perspective begins with our individual perceptions, especially the lens through which we view as our locus of control.
People with an internal locus of control believe that their actions, decisions and behaviors directly influence the outcomes in their lives. They tend to feel empowered, take responsibility for their actions and believe that effort and personal choices lead to success or failure. They’re proactive.
People with an external locus of control believe that external factors – like luck, fate or the influence of others – are responsible for the outcomes in their lives. They may feel less empowered or more helpless, often attributing successes or failures to circumstances beyond their control.
It’s also helpful to filter what definitely is and is not up to us. Clearly either partly or completely out of our control are: the past, the future, what happens around us, the outcomes of our efforts, and the opinions and actions of others – including how they take care of themselves.
Nearly or totally within our control are: our goals, our thoughts, our actions, how we handle challenges, our boundaries, what we give energy to, and how we speak to ourselves.
Still, however slight, our perception and influence remain different than the definitive truth. This leads us to the very bounds of curiosity about the actual source for why and how things happen. At the very root of this question is causality.
That said, what we’re pinpointing here has less to do with a philosophical, existential debate as much as it does something concrete. Getting to the heart of causality puts into perspective what we can and cannot control in our individual lives.
There’s a certain comfort in trying to control and make sense of whatever comes our way. In some cases, control is an illusion. In others, control is imposed upon us. One challenge with defining causality is that certain aspects about “cause and effect” are indisputable, while others can vary based on an individual’s belief system and their locus of control.
For example, some hold the belief that, “things happen for a reason.” However, the impression with that expression is to associate it with something unexplainable, which more often tends to be a positive event. Do you think it makes sense to chalk things up to some sort of serendipity, shrug your shoulders and just go about your days? That’s certainly the easy option.
There’s an illustration in Z-isms: Insights to Live By, called the Causes of Occurrences, subtitled “How things happen.” Its purpose is to offer some food for thought and remain self-contained, which is to say that it’s based on my own viewpoint as opposed to being sourced from external research. It’s more about logic than science. Let’s see if you find this makes sense.
CAUSES OF OCCURRENCES
As illustrated below, the chart has three columns: the left called “Source Causes,” the middle being “Positive/Neutral Impact” and the right column labeled “Negative Impact.”
It then categorizes five causes for how things happen to us, listed in the left column as follows: randomly, unintentionally, intentionally, magnetically and/or externally, which is specific to when someone else does something directly or indirectly to us.
Something that is completely random can impact us either positively, negatively, neutrally or in some combination.
When we look at a cause being unintentional, it refers to something that was within our control or ability to prevent. However, the outcome either occurred in the absence of any action or as an alternative consequence. To put it mildly, something unintentional in the negative column could benefit from a healthy dose of taking such preventative measures.
Intentional causes are straightforward. On the positive side of our life experiences, we apply conscious thought, actions and willpower to accomplish something. It can be anything from simple, everyday tasks to fulfilling bigger goals through effortful achievement.
Every so often, something happens, or there’s a circumstance that strikes a chord within you that pretty much turns you into a dog with a bone. Your response in dealing with a situation that causes lockjaw is to not let go until you see it through. Here’s where Earned Confidence fuels action. Put another way, this is about the strength of your willpower and abilities to push forward in an assertive manner. Sometimes the momentum that causes may behave as if a fire has been set.
Things that occur magnetically refer to certain aspects of quantum physics, specifically related to the Law of Attraction, which is an expansive topic that we’ll explore in a future issue. There we’ll discuss the alignment of thoughts, emotions, words and expectations best summarized by the notion that, “What we expect, tends to happen.”
There’s a cross-section here - whereby positive outcomes result from intentionally harnessing gratitude versus an individual who experiences the unintentional, negative consequences of lacking mindfulness. Here’s where we need to reemphasize the influence of perception and our expectations with how optimism and pessimism tend to reflect self-fulfilling prophecies.
As described, the final category involves events that are caused externally by others that may or may not be within our control to prevent or mitigate. When someone’s actions affect us unintentionally, they cause a somewhat random ripple effect that can impact us positively or negatively.
However, more significant for our purposes is when others’ actions are intentional and personally directed. Here’s where a positive occurrence is the result of another person’s love, support and kindness. In contrast are the negative consequences caused by other’s actions. As explored, this results from intentional manipulation by Spidery individuals.
Respectfully, this chart does not incorporate any aspects of religious beliefs in a higher power as a source cause – mainly because these vary by individual interpretations. Faith and truth can coexist, yet are not always one in the same.
FINDING YOUR FLOW
As much as we can try to dissect why and how things happen - to get at the source - we have to leave some flexibility about causality for any number of combinations of these factors.
In instances when you are the source cause, you are the external influence that impacts others. Knowing that and how we affect one another involves being mindful of the responsibility we all share to manage our interpersonal energy with mutual respect. And, if – in fact – that has some connection to Karma, just remember that – as the saying goes - what comes around … goes around.
This brings us back to the magnetism of universal energy. One common example is that feeling you sometimes experience as though you’re swimming upstream. That’s when you can rely on your intuition to find your flow and go with the current!
This topic is critical to our quality of life. It cannot be overstated how this reference to the flow has a certain palpable energy, often more than others. The main reason for emphasizing this relates to managing energy intentionally and how the flow and experience of “being in the zone” are a constant. This differs from other topics we’ll further explore that may be more situational and circumstantial.
The flow is always there but may only be more noticeable when it strengthens in either direction. Some people are never conscious of it. Others may only experience it in random flashes. Those who practice mindfulness have their own interpretations. At the very least, this offers another data point to consider when making important decisions and the accuracy of your intuition. Ultimately, the degree to which that’s true is a factor of self-trust, respect and belief.
LET’S GET PRACTICAL
Activity 1: Determine Your Locus of Control
If it has yet-to-be-clear, identify an example that involves a definitive response. Let’s say that you did a presentation that went well. Did you believe that had more to do with the fact that you prepared thoroughly or because your attendees were in a good mood?
Activity 2: View with 20/20 Hindsight and Foresight
Identify notable examples of recent events involving a meaningful outcome in relation to your intentional efforts. Consider some of the following:
● What was within and not within your control?
● What specific role did you play to cause those outcomes?
● What more could you have done to cause a more favorable outcome?
● What could have gone wrong, but didn’t and why?
Also, consider some upcoming events that you view as within some degree of your control to cause a favorable outcome. Apply the same and similar questions above in the future tense with foresight as your guide.
If you’re interested to delve deeper, identify at least one occurrence that aligns with each Source Cause in the chart above and whether the outcomes were either positive/neutral or negative along with how and why.
Whether you reflect, anticipate or react, it’s also essential to identify the elements that you can neither control or influence and adapt accordingly by making acceptance and your peace of mind the priority.
Give yourself grace. Focus your energy and intentions on whatever matters most and is well within your control.
You’ll find doing so makes it more effortless and enjoyable to live on THE BRIGHT SIDE.
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TBS Issue 27 - Personal Message
I hope you found this week's article broadened your perspective about causality and your role and opportunity to navigate life's twists and turns. Please feel welcome to join me for a few minutes about:
● The Cram Behind This Deadline
● My BIG Life Change
● Holidays Sabbatical
To your HAPPIERNESS!
Author of “Z-isms: Insights to Live By” (free eBook and Audiobook)
Host of “Insights to Live By – The Podcast”
Contact: matt@Z-isms.com
SPEAKER DEMO REEL
As a corporate trainer and speaker for the conference circuit and company events along with wellness and women's organizations, I welcome the opportunity to have a conversation about having me on your stage and providing your audience with a uniquely enriching experience. Thank you for your interest to view this video and explore this together.
CURRENT PODCAST*
Welcome to the second installment of the audio version of The Bright Side, covering issues 8 through 12 of Matt’s newsletter for LinkedIn. These are: Fortifying Your Resilience; Shifting Your Presence Paradigm; Living in the Moment; Making a Habits of Habits; and, Upgrading Your Life with Less.
THE BRIGHT SIDE newsletter embodies an abridged version of some of the key concepts from the Z-isms book and courses to make them most, accessible, consumable and practical with the goal to help improve mindset, wellbeing and personal effectiveness.
* While Insights to Live By is on break, you'll find no shortage of past episodes - ENJOY!
EXCITING NEWS
Trainings Delivered (since last issue):
● Move to Improve Mental Health (University of Tennessee)
● Stress: Beyond the Basics (Principal Financial Group)
● Self-Compassion in Difficult Times (Sony Music Publishing)
● Political Anxiety (WorldPay and Johns Hopkins Enterprise)
● BE Positive (Consolidated Communications)
● How to Enjoy the Holidays and Minimize Stress (PRISM - County of Solano)
More Trainings Ahead
● On December 13th, the Chester County (PA) chapter of the Society for Human Resources Management (SHRM) will complete my workshop to build, "Uncommon Mindset Skills for Presence and Resilience."
● ALSO: I am beyond thrilled to have the honor of being the lead keynote speaker for the HR Conference Cruise in March. Topic: "Uncommon Mindset Skills to Enrich Your Life with Happierness." Please feel welcome to visit the link for full details as well as use my speaker promo code "FRIENDOFMATT" for an extra discount. My session, along with 5 others provide SHRM/HRCI credits. Alternatively, there's also a second cruise (2/22-27). My code is good for that too.
ADDITIONAL TOPICS FOR WORKSHOPS, KEYNOTES AND LEARNING PROGRAMS
● Extinguishing Burnout for Good: Personally and Organizationally
● Getting Out of Your Head and into Your Life (Taming Overthinking)
● Managing Energy: Personally, Interpersonally and Universally
● Defeating Depression Once and For All
● Foundational Skills for Emotional Intelligence
● Honing Your Intuition for Personal Effectiveness
● Uncommon Mindset Skills to Enrich Your Happierness
To consider having Matt keynote your next event or support your people with workshops, retreats and other custom training programs: Book Matt's Calendar to explore this together.
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THE ESSENTIALS
Z-isms: The inspirational pearls of wisdom, life lessons or personal experiences people share to positively impact the lives of others; Insights to Live By.
Happierness®: A life-enriching mindset combining presence, resilience and free will to be intentionally present and have a reflex of positivity by choosing to embrace the bright side of every situation.
Earned Confidence: An logic filter based on one’s life experiences that proves it unnecessary to worry, be anxious or make assumptions about uncertainties because one is fully capable to cope with actual occurrences in real time.
Resilience: The capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; remain unaffected by insignificant occurrences; adapt to challenges; and, keep things in perspective.
Presence: The conscious state of observing, noticing and/or experiencing life as it happens while remaining free of distraction; intentional engagement to tune-in to the moments that matter. Practicing mindfulness.
Objectivity: Expressing or dealing with facts or conditions as perceived without personal biases, distortions or interpretations; to consider what’s happening from an impartial standpoint.
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PAYING IT FORWARD
Please accept my warmest thanks for joining me on this journey into lasting life enrichment. I know you could spend these minutes 100+ other ways and you can count on me to make it worth your while. My only ask is to consider inviting others you know who will enjoy this content. There's no time like the present to share THE BRIGHT SIDE!
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2moJust what I needed to read today. Intentionally finding my "flow" today. Jodi Church Laura Santamaria Great read.