A Love Letter to This.Now.Us.

Dear This.Now.Us.,

It's been six days now. Since we met. My mind has come and gone from you since that day, but my heart has never left. I answered that mysterious call, for a meeting of "wild ones, exiled ones, and unquantifiable ones," to come together, because it was time...and oh my days, it really was.

From the moment I stepped inside I felt like I was home. You had me from the beckoning tint of neon hues. The pink palm tree. The carefully selected scents conjuring memories of childhood. The thick air of mystery and possibility. The sequins (not mine), warm smiles (everywhere), feathers (mine) and tinsel (also mine). The secret doors, mystery mail, cat walk, tears (lots of mine), excellent polenta bite thingys, rainbows, dancing, fictional characters...I felt like I was in a magical land far far away from the everyday. (And already, from the love letters exchanged before the first meeting, I knew I was in the right place.)

I took a run up and jumped fully into your arms.

And you caught me. I think you caught us all.

Yes, you reeled me in with your sparkles initially, and the feeling like I'd landed on the set of one of the underground dining supper clubs Julia May and I used to run before we started Visibility Co , but I loved that behind all the neon and dry ice were the real diamonds. These people. Your gathering of bright sparks felt like stars moving into a black hole together. I felt like I'd walked into a party where I wanted to get to know every single human there, and felt like I could bring every part of me to it, and the only thing in my way was pesky time and space. And although you couldn't warp time and space, I love how you held space for us so deeply. For the conversations that went right to the heart of things within the first 15 seconds (thanks Bella, and so many others). For the speakers and performers and impromptu sharers: every one of them captured me in different ways, and their stories and words and invitations are still sinking their way through me (more on this below). When you found the magical masterly Pied Piper, Mykel Dixon 🎤 , to lead this gathering, you really lucked out...I mean, seriously. This guy is a wizard. Are you two related? ;)

I fell in love with the magical soup of everyone's stories weaving together. With the trust and intention and hope and good you created just by knowing who we were and asking if we'd come. I love how you don't judge. All were welcome, in all our glory and pain and uncertainty about what the "comfortable and fabulous" dress code really meant. You don’t hold grudges - pandemic wounds were seen and transmuted into strength and insight for our collective future. I love how your voice rippled through the crowd to turn quotes into refrains that have been settling into my skin:

"Say YES to your dreams - otherwise your just dead anyway." (thank you NURIAH JADAI )

"What does it take to be a good ancestor?" (thank you... to the person who asked this)

"Show me where you need me." (thank you Lael Stone )

"You ARE the band." (thanks Phil Ceberano )

"The future of work is individual." (thank you Aaron McEwan )

And so many more...

And just when we thought we'd seen all of you, you'd send a random Mexican wave through the crowd, like a hands-free, pandemic-friendly group hug. You'd shrug, masses of laughter would erupt, and I'd think "what's next?" You’re funny like that. Unpredictable and exciting, but solid and safe at the same time. You’re moody, with your explosions of music from The Band or Jude Pearl one minute, and then moments of sacred silence with another the next. You’re wild and unconventional, like me. You make space for all of us and get us to do the same for each other, in ways we forgot that we could.

I loved the way that you brought so many of my old and new favourites together in one place: for deep chats, express catch-ups, small stolen moments and competitive toasts, with Julia May , Fiona Triaca , Mim Bartlett , Colette Werden , Kate McCready , Olga Cuesta , Jo Mikleus , Kelly Irving , Oli Sansom , Erin Tan , Michael Ellis , Eglantine Etiemble , Steph Clarke , Sam Davies , Ben Nicholson , Michelle Newell ...

I loved how you organised just the right things at the right time: so I just happened to be passing the love letter writing desk when my mystery "buddy" Jimmy Ellis was writing his name down. Given I'd never seen his face before, that was so helpful! Thank you. We had the best chat about the way our lives could be if we really put what's important in the centre. And then his partner Anna McCracken spoke right to my heart about the power of purpose, myth and time, and urged us into trios where we helped each other see into the future through the eyes of next generations and mountains and trees. (Cameron and Kevin: you guys were phenomenal, and the group hug was a highlight.) I passed a group of people singing happy birthday to an unknown Tina. It’s not easy taking care of 135 people at the same time, but I love how you take care of your own. I don’t shield my eyes any more from your other lovers. The loud ones, the shy ones, the ones who didn't really know what they were in for, the unknown ones, the hungry ones, the ones who pretended to be mother earth raging, magic mushrooms dancing, the northern lights guiding, all loving you in ways different to me. I saw one smiling on the sidelines, just soaking you in. One thought my champers looked a bit flat so scooted off and got me a new one (thanks Madeleine Hanger (Grummet)🚀 ). Another one told me I needed to step up my rebel side even more and colour outside the lines, and whispered a vision to me through closed eyes. I love how you serenaded us with constant tunes (you are wonders to behold Mykel Dixon 🎤 / Phil Ceberano / The Band Legends / Jude Pearl / Paz Pisarski ), with creative surprises around every corner, with invitations to be brave, with an ongoing dare to cultivate a relationship with the unknown (complete with a reference to my favourite poet David Whyte ). And ever the opportunity to be present, in all its texture and uncertainty.

But most of all, I love you for the JOLT you gave me: the space to halt the everyday autopilot, to wrestle with possibility, to take responsibility, and to stand up - like all good rebels - for what is truly important at this moment in time and for the ideas that will take us forward not backwards, as a collective, with the many wicked problems we need to solve. All of This. Now. Us.

And finally, I love that you inspired me to write this letter, so the love gets shared, with those who were there and those who were not. And that a little bit of the twinkle this put in my eyes and heart last week can be spread to new places and people. And maybe, just maybe, I'll see you there again next time. x

#thisnowus